I think the weight of the past two weeks is finally catching
up to me. My mom was in the hospital and it was a very stressful time for me.
She is home now and doing well. She’s back to her normal routine after what
seemed like a life changing experience. She needed oxygen to breath and
ultimately a blood transfusion to bring her blood levels up to where they
needed to be.
During her hospitalization I was responsible for many things
that I don’t typically handle, my schedule wasn’t mine at all. I was at the mercy of what everyone else
needed from me. It wasn’t necessarily a problem since I like to help people but
I guess now that I’ve had a minute to sit back, relax and think about
everything I’m exactly where I always end up. Wondering who takes care of the
person who takes care of everyone else? First and foremost I must be vigilant
in my efforts to do everything I can to manage my own selfcare. I feel that I
usually do but there are times when I need to be reminded that I also need a
break.
A month ago I proudly proclaimed that in 2023 I wouldn’t be
doing anything that I didn’t want to do. Well mom got sick and that went
straight out of the window. Everyday I did many things that I would have liked
to have said NO to but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to let mom down. Mom is the
one person that I never want to disappoint. Trust me I have many times in my
life and I’m sure there will be more disappointments because that’s life but I
do try my best to not disappoint mom.
Please don’t mistake any of these words as complaining about
anything. I truly am grateful for each and every day that I wake up. No my life
isn’t perfect but who’s is? I’m happy with my life, I love my job, I love my
apartment. School is going well this semester. Whew last semester and that math
class almost took me out ya’ll. My current class which is called life by design
is awesome. It’s exactly what I need
right now. Each week we are challenged to read or watch videos about various
topics and then relate them to ourselves. It’s really about discovering who you
are and who you want to be. It’s been great to go through the exercises and
really ponder and meditate on the questions.
This brings me to my next point which is about how I am
constantly reminded of how great God is. We often go through life missing all
of the little special things or miracles that happen to us or around us but I
am making a concerted effort to pay attention. Things and even people come into
my life it seems to bring me something or a lesson that I needed to learn. This cannot all be coincidence can it? I mean
if it happens once or maybe twice I guess you could say yeah it’s just a
coincidence. What about if it’s happened time and time again? So many times
that you’ve lost count? Is that still coincidence? Everyone has their opinions
but I know it’s not and that is why I am so thankful. That is why I have become
so much more aware of those little things that just seem to happen and we don’t
recognize them.
I started this tonight as a part of an exercise for my
class. Writing is one of the things that brings me joy or as we’re discussing
in my class this week it puts me in my “flow state.” When I’m writing whether
it’s a journal entry, a blog post, or a fiction story I am in my zone. I can
sit and write for hours at a time not realizing how much time has passed. All I
need is a journal and a pen or a computer and a quiet room or my favorite CD
which happens to be one by Dudley Moore, the soundtrack from my favorite movie
Six Weeks. It’s classical piano music which takes me to a place that is hard to
describe to others. Most people that I know wouldn’t understand it but that’s
the beauty of it. It’s mine, my flow state so no one else is supposed to get
it. Everyone has their own thing. This is mine. This is where I am my absolute
happiest is when I’m writing. This is my “Flow State.”
