New Beginnings

 Hey Ya'll

After a much needed mental health and self-care break I am back.  Did ya'll miss me? I missed you all :-)

I needed some time to figure out my life and oh what a journey it was.  By the way I figured out that figuring out your life is literally a life long process. So the journey continues. I'm such a caring & giving person so it's hard for me to focus on me let alone only focus on me for a period of time BUT it was needed and boy did it really help. Self-care is a must for everyone from time to time.  My self-care included full body massage, chair massage, reiki (Oh my what an awesome experience), a spiritual reading, some nutritional counseling and some good old fashion clear your head and process your real emotions counseling. 

Anyway I'm back and I'm in a much better place than I was 3 months ago.  I've made some big decisions and I am moving forward with those full steam ahead. First major change that is coming is that I am moving.  Leaving my house where I have lived for the past 24 years. Talk about scary. Yikes is the only way I can describe this feeling. The move is less than 2 weeks away and as I continue to pack my things I'm nervous about what lies ahead but I know that things will be okay. Next I decided to change my major from Spanish to Family & Human Development. This is more in line with my future life goals. That and I wasn't really interested in all of the Spanish literature that was in my future. Change is good and I'm pressing onward.

So what's next? Like everyone else I am trying to adjust to this new normal I guess. Things are so different now, not better or worse just different. My writing will continue and my current project is very personal.  Stay tuned for more on this in the coming months. As for this blog it will also continue but it's going to be a little different. Details forthcoming. 

Everyone stay safe and I'll be in touch.

A reason, a season or a Lifetime

 

Friends first I want to thank you all for your support over the past few years. It has meant a lot to me.  Many of you have followed my story and been a part of this journey with me. I have always been transparent with you about this process, and I choose not to stop now.  I titled this post A reason a season or a lifetime because it’s the title of one of my favorite poems. I’ll share it here with you in case you’ve never read it.

Reason, Season, of Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a season because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real, BUT only for a season.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown

I am coming out of a season. The past 4 ½ years has been a special season. I took an early retirement in 2017 and spent a lot of time in the Dominican Republic with my love whom I married that same year.  Many of you have kept up with our story after we got married as I chronicled my experiences living there as a Dominican housewife. When I returned to the states to work in 2019 you all hung in there with me as I chronicled our fight for his visa and struggled with being apart from him. Then the pandemic hit in early 2020 and we were forced to be apart for 16 months. We waited patiently and prayed for a positive response to the papers hubby submitted in August of 2020.  Finally on May 14^th of this year his visa was approved and on May 28^th he arrived.

Well friends I am deeply sorry to report that team Martinez is no longer together. Although we had lived together before things are quite different here and after only 6 weeks hubby decided to leave. I believe that for him I was a reason. I have gone back and forth with my feelings about everything. I am still very hurt and disappointed in this outcome. I put my heart and soul into this relationship and honestly, I just wished he’d given us a little more time to work the kinks out. But we are where we are at this point. Ultimately, we were two different people who wanted different things. The reality is that people love differently due to many factors and in the end our differences have led us to this outcome.  Although I’m hurt and disappointed I am trying to focus on the good.  I had the time of my life these past few years. It’s an experience I will never forget.  The past few weeks have been full of many emotions for us both.  I can finally say that we’ve made peace with our decisions. My wounds will eventually heal, and I’ll be inspired to write again but for right now I’m taking a little hiatus from this blog and writing in general.  I’ll be back hopefully in the fall with something new. Thanks again for your support.

Weak

 Week # 4 

I titled this post weak because that's how I am feeling, weak. There's just so much to adjust to for us both. Coming out of the pandemic and being isolated for a year has also added a layer of complexity to this situation.  Anyway this week we experienced some new discoveries and realizations.  We added to our workout room.  He and my friends husband worked most of the day on Saturday putting together his new home gym. That was very entertaining for me since neither of them speaks the others language lol. They were able to figure it out though. This keeps him busy for a couple of hours after work each day so it's a win for me.

I introduced him to the Hershey outlets and well that lead to my realization that my husband is a shopaholic. He arrived with 2 pairs of shoes and now has at least 20.  I still have more than that so it's all good.  

We were both pleasantly surprised that 4 weeks to the day of his arrival his permanent resident card arrived.  We both breathed a sigh of relief and it was cause for celebration so we did.  Here's hubby sporting his USA shirt. 

He got his first full paycheck and of course didn't understand all of the taxes so that was fun trying to explain that to him lol. 

Most days he enjoys work and he loves being able to use the exercise equipment here at the house.  We've also added a couple of chairs and an umbrella to the small deck off our bedroom so we can sit out there in the mornings or evenings. I've had that deck for almost 15  years and never sat out there before.

We're both still being stretched outside of our comfort zones in so many ways.  It's just about what I expected it to be. Yes he works all of my nerves at times and I'm pretty sure I return that favor to him but at the end of the day we are still Team Martinez. 

Our next adventure is this coming weekend, we are hosting a couple of his friends for the weekend. This next post is going to be a good one. I'm sure you won't want to miss it.  

There's no place like home

 Week 3

Right on schedule hubby is starting to miss home and all things familiar to him. Although I understand and try not to take it personally sometimes it's hard. Especially when I think about all we went through to get him here. I've lived in both places and there are things I like about both places but this is my home. So I get it. There are plenty of things he likes about being here but at the end of the day there's no place like home. Here's a collage of pictures of both houses.  The top two are the house in the Dominican Republic and the bottom one is the house here in PA. 

Since I lived there with him for a period of time I knew ahead of time some of the things that would be different and more difficult for him to adjust to.  For example my neighborhood is very quiet. There is absolutely nothing quiet about the neighborhood there. The houses are very close together and everyone yells across the street to each other day and night. I can go weeks without seeing my neighbors close enough to speak to them.

My husband knows basically everyone in Puerto Plata. As he sat outside on our porch there was a constant stream of Dominican greetings. When I see my neighbor I honk my car horn and or wave. Occasionally we might ask how are you doing? Everyone stays in their houses or yards here.  He's always asking me where are the people when we drive down the streets here.  He's accustomed to more people being on the streets, literally walking along the roads etc. 

So week three was a difficult week for us both. As he's been getting more comfortable in the house my comfort zones have been challenged. I'm a bit anal or obsessive compulsive about how things should be so I've had to work through some things.  I've given up on my living room not being lived in as it seems to be his favorite place to hang out.  Thank goodness we learned how to communicate during the pandemic because we are both works in progress as I like to say.  Although at times we face challenges or have differences of opinions we still find a way to talk through things eventually to resolution. 

This past weekend we went on another road trip.   We went to visit my family in Maryland and we also did a mini tour of Washington, DC with a brief visit to Virginia due to a wrong turn LOL. We visited Black Lives Matter Blvd and got as close to the White House as they allow right now.  Here's a picture of us by the White House. 

He also got a chance to visit with a friend of his from his hometown who now lives in Maryland very close to my family.  Our road trip was a success and I love how happy is always is to return home.

Let's see what week #4 will bring. Stay tuned friends for more from team Martinez.

Milestones

 Week #2

The most important thing we did this past week was take communion together for the first time since we've been married.  Although it was done virtually it was still very special. Although he doesn't understand everything he listens to my pastors sermons and  he says that he can tell that he's a very dynamic and impactful pastor.  All of which is very true.

We're settling in to an offbeat rhythm.  I say off beat because there's still so much to figure out in this process. Big changes for us both and we both knew it wouldn't be all rainbows and unicorns. We're both making adjustments and trying to find our new normal.  Of course there's some frustrations at times on both our parts but we do still talk through things and try to compromise or just agree to disagree.  He's already working which I think is helping a lot. He is accustomed to being very active. Sitting around the house all day isn't his thing.

Since he's been here the weather has been a bit bipolar. We've been as low as the 40's and as high as the 90's. All within a 14 day timespan.  In general he's cold no matter what the temperature is outside because when it's hot outside I have the air on in the house. In this picture it was actually 90 degrees outside and he's dressed in long pants and long sleeve shirt.  On this particular day we ventured out to the local park and also rode around the neighborhood a bit.  He actually drove which was pretty scary for me lol. If you've ever been to the Dominican Republic you know that lanes, stop lights and signs mean absolutely nothing there.  He's got a lot to learn about how we drive here. 

Last week was the last week for the parenting classes which are facilitated by Life Esteem.  I work as the site coordinator there and hubby went along with me the last night to help me get the site shut down for the summer. It was nice to have him there cheering me on from the sidelines as I cleaned (rolls eyes) BUT he did take the trash out for me. 

There are so many little things to take care of but things are moving along. I was pleasantly surprised that his SS Card arrived 10 days after he did. Wow that was fast.  We opened our first joint account another milestone for us.  Our first overnight trip this past weekend.  We went to Kalahari in the Poconos for my grandson's birthday.  It was quite the adventure.  I think we were both a little overwhelmed by the number of people there and nobody was wearing masks. He was pleasantly surprised to find that there were many Spanish speaking guests and workers there.  We actually met a young man who just arrived here in the USA the same day Raulin did. Neither of us was comfortable participating in any of the waterpark activities. He did enjoy himself in the arcade though.  All in all it was a good trip but we were both happy to be back home. 

He continues to be shocked by how expensive things are here.  We finally made it to the cell phone store to figure his phone out.  Fortunately we were able to just get him a new phone number and didn't have to buy a new phone.  The one he has is only a couple of months old.  We did have to buy a new screen protector and he had sticker shock when he saw the prices.  

I think this week he really started to miss home a little more.  I know how he feels.  There are so many little things that you never really thought about before that you miss once they're gone.  So many little things that we take for granted in life.  

This past week had some challenges but we figured things out. Our next adventure will be this coming weekend. We're going to Maryland to visit my family there.  Stay tuned for more from the Martinez's 

 

He's finally here YAY!!!

 Written on May 28th, 2021

Today is the beginning of something new and exciting in my life.  For the past 907 days I have been alive, but I have not been living.  Each day I would wake up and thank God for allowing me to see another day and then I would also pray that this would be the day that would change everything. 907 days ago was the date of our first interview at the embassy for my husbands visa. The process had moved smoothly up until this point.  We were prepared and my expectation was that I would return to the United States for the Christmas holiday with my husband by my side. As it turns out we would spend our 2^nd Christmas as a married couple apart. Our thought at the time is that it would only be this one Christmas apart and we could handle it.  As it turns out we have missed three Christmas’, 2 anniversaries and some birthdays too.

Until you wake up everyday with the hope that this would be the day only to sit on the side of the bed each night disappointed you could not understand this pain. Although I had 907 disappointing days, I still remained prayerful that the answer will come the next day.  About a year and a half ago I had a breakthrough. I knew that there was a purpose in my wait. I made peace with it and my prayers became different.  Each day I still thanked God for allowing me to have another day and I continued to remind myself that in the end his will would be done, whatever that was.  My prayer was that he give me the strength to endure whatever the answer was.  I prayed for strength and peace.

I didn’t recognize it at the time, but my prayers were answered on a regular basis.  Whenever I felt too weak to carry on somehow, I found the strength.  In the middle of so many terrible storms I found peace.  Now being reunited with my husband is the ultimate peace.  I honestly did not realize how heavy the burden was of us being separated.  I feel at least 25 pounds lighter now (if only the scale reflected that too LOL)

He’s finally here and it’s difficult to put into words how I feel.  I’m so very happy and he is excited also.

What’s next?  Stay tuned for more.

A new journey begins

 So he's finally here, like right here in the house with me. OMG I'm so happy, I feel so blessed. I've been smiling a lot and staring at him like a creep LOL.  I find myself wondering, is this real or am I dreaming?

Okay so it's real because  my space has been invaded BUT this is a welcomed intruder AND I've been mentally preparing for this for the past three years.  We've lived together before so he's familiar with my crazy BUT I fear that  my United States crazy is a little different than my Dominican Republic crazy.  I guess time will tell.  I will say that the wait and what we've been through the past year has given me an entirely different perspective on life in general.  There are so many things that I've decided to just let go because it's just not worth the fight. I feel that we've lost so much time waiting for this journey that I don't want to waste any minutes on things that just don't matter.  Sure there will be disagreements, there always are but we will figure it out. 

1 week in.....

So things are going well for the most part. I'm sure he's experiencing a lot more newness and discomfort than I am right now.  I am trying my best to be sensitive to that. Although we lived together before it's different here because for example he's an early bird. He is always up by 7 am.  I like to sleep until at least 8 when I don't have to work.  This was not an issue when I was there because he could get up and go and do whatever he wanted and leave me alone to sleep.  Here it's a bit different. He can't go anywhere yet and he's still learning the house and how things work so he kinda needs me to be up and assisting him.

A funny to share.  I have a pocket door in my bathroom. Apparently he's never experienced a door that slides side to side versus push or pull.  So he went into the bathroom and I closed the door behind him.  When he was ready to exit he couldn't figure out how to open the door.  After rolling around on the bed laughing hysterically for a minute or so I finally helped him and opened the door. 

Many things are different, door knobs, light switches and faucets all work a little differently here. The first few days were a little dicey but one week in and I think he's mastered all of those things.  His absolute favorite thing, besides me of course is the shower. He likes the different settings for the water and also being able to change the temperature of the water is new for him.

The first time he saw a rabbit in the yard was pretty funny as well. He knows what they are but was surprised to see so many of them hopping around the yard.  He turns to me and says "Bueno comida". I laugh and say "No we don't eat those here, well at least not in this house.". He's also pretty amazed by the squirrels.  I'm not sure he's seen those before of if he's just surprised at how many there are.  He enjoys watching them chase each other around the yard. 

He loves the house in general but especially the enclosed patio and the deck off of the master bedroom. Those seem to be his favorite places to be when he's not watching the NBA finals. 

He has already started working and  he has started one official home improvement project, painting the deck.   

He has plans to do many other things around the house and I am all for it. The house is in decent shape but could use a little TLC. 

On Memorial Day we had a few family members over and cooked out on the grill.  It was so nice having a real grill master here instead of me trying to do it all.  

I'm still floating on cloud nine and am looking forward to an enjoyable summer season with my hubby here with me.  One our first planned outings is coming up next week.  We are going to a waterpark for my grandsons birthday.  Stay tuned for more from the Martinez's.

Time

 After being apart for 484 days I was finally able to go visit my husband last week.  This photo is my favorite one from that visit.

I was very excited, anxious and nervous about the trip. I felt worried that so much time had passed that we've both become different people and maybe we wouldn't like each other anymore. When speaking with a friend of mine I told her that it felt like I was going to meet the guy I've been video chatting with for the past 16 months for the first time.  

I'm happy to report that all was well.  It was as if time had stood still for us.  I mean yes we're both a little different, heck we all are due to the pandemic but the things that drew us together before were all still there.  One thing I have learned through all of this is that life is too short and that time is precious.  I made a pact with myself to be present in the moment while I was with my husband.  Not to worry about anything except what was happening right then.  It's really not an easy thing to do but I gave it my best shot.

One afternoon the following words came to me and I jotted them down:

Time is something we lose without realizing it until it's too late.

We think we have time until suddenly we're out of time.

When time is gone you can't get it back.

Making up for lost time is like a mirage, it isn't real.

You're using up new time thinking it's replacing time you've already lost.

We waste a lot of time worrying, arguing or fighting about things in the past (time that's already gone)

instead of being present in the moment (the now time that will quickly become a past time).

Sometimes  you decide you've spent enough time and there's no more time to give.

Maybe one day you'll wish you had given it just a little more time.

Or you'll waste time thinking about the missed time.

How many times have you wished for just one more time?

Or maybe you've said "I ain't got time" or

Told someone "This is the last time..."

Maybe it's time to use time more consciously?

Be present in this moment in time as it's literally the only time you KNOW you have right now.

My time with my husband is such precious time because we never know when we will get more time. We remain prayerful that his visa paperwork will be processed soon now that the embassy is open again. For those of you who have been praying for us throughout this very long process we thank you for your prayers and encouraging words.

I encourage you to take some time and think about how you are spending your time.

I Remember You

To the little girl who prayed every night for her father to live with her and her mommy

I remember you

To the little girl who always felt alone and wanted a little brother or sister

I remember you

To the little girl who wanted her father to keep his promise just once and show up

I remember you

To the little girl who loved to sing and dance

I remember you

To the young teenager whose body changed so quickly while your emotions and thoughts struggled to keep up

I remember you

To the teenager who craved the love she never felt from her father and found all the wrong things at such a young age

I remember you

To the teenager who was brave and left home at 14 to attend all girls boarding school

I remember you

To the young woman who graduated in the top of her class after struggling to catch up

I remember your struggle

To the young woman who wanted to change the world and make a difference but got sidetracked

I remember you

and I still believe in you

To the young wife who struggled to provide the safe loving environment you craved as a young girl to your newborn son

I remember you

and I supported your efforts

To the single mother who vowed to survive and give her son the best possible life

I remember you

and I supported and applaud you

To the young wife again who tried to make the best of all the challenging situations that came you way

I remember you and

I believe in you and

I know you did your very best

To the single again mother who struggled to keep the kids on the right path but succeeded in spite of all the challenges to get them all across the stage on time

I remember you and

I applaud you

To the professional woman who literally started from the ground and worked her way up breaking barriers and leaving your mark

I remember you and

I am so very proud of you

To the woman I am today I am so very proud to have been on this journey with you.

I have lived

I have laughed

I have cried

I have learned and

I have loved every moment of my journey.

I vow to always remember you.

Count Your Blessings

 

My first post of 2021.  Sorry it’s taken me so long, but I needed a minute to collect my thoughts. The past year has been quite a challenge for most of us. Coming to terms with this new lifestyle hasn’t been easy. No matter who or where you are you have been impacted in some way by the pandemic. Many have lost loved ones, jobs or are mourning their prior way of life.  For those of you who have lost loved ones my heartfelt condolences go out to you.

During times of crisis like this it is easy to focus on all of the bad things happening to or around us. This post is titled Count Your Blessings because I am suggesting that instead of focusing on what is missing or what we can no longer do, let’s take a moment to celebrate what we have.  First and foremost if you are reading this message then you are still among the living.  That is absolutely something worth celebrating. Every morning when I wake up the first thing, I do is thank God for giving me another day to try my best to make a difference.

My BFF Maria gave me this jar in the picture this past Christmas and I absolutely love it.  It’s in my office on my desk so that each day I am reminded to count my blessings.  It came with little cards some with pre written sayings on them but with blank cards so you can write your own as well. I do realize that many people are having a very hard time right now. This past year has been one of the most challenging of my lifetime. I am not suggesting that you just get over it by any means. My point is to not stay there in that place focusing on the bad things. It isn’t a good place to live. Trust me there are days when it is very difficult for me to get myself motivated to get out of bed to face the day. We all have those days from time to time.  Maybe over the past year we’ve all had a few more than usual. In any case I’m simply suggesting that you try to find the light in your situation no matter how dark it may seem. 

For example I am very sad everyday about being away from my husband. I haven’t seen him in person since December of 2019. I sometimes struggle with what could possibly be the light in this dark situation. Well one day it occurred to me that communication is one of the most difficult things to master in most relationships. All my husband and I have to connect to one another is our cell phones. We can only text and video call. Our ability to communicate has greatly improved because it’s all we have.  All those little things that usually annoy me aren’t so annoying anymore. I no longer take for granted any interaction with those I love because this past year has taught me that life is so very precious and in some cases way too short.  Don’t take any moments for granted.  Tell the ones you love today how you feel.  Also remember to take a few moments out of your day and simply count your blessings. 

We’re not out of the woods yet with the pandemic and we all still need to remain vigilant. Continue to follow the guidance from our leaders to stay safe. Practice self-care. Pay attention to your emotions and those around you as well.  Seek help if you feel you need it.  Try to stay busy and remember we're all in this together.  I appreciate you all for taking time to read this and it is my goal to post more frequently