Still Showing Up When the Diagnosis Changes - But I Didn't

 You can look the same and still feel entirely different.

When I was first diagnosed with sarcoidosis in 1998, I thought I had learned what it meant to live with uncertainty. I learned the language. I learned the treatments. I learned how to function inside a body that sometimes-had other plans.

Over time, sarcoidosis became part of my medical history — not my identity.

I was a mother.
A professional.
A leader.
A student.
A woman building meaning out of long chapters and second chances.

And then, recently, I heard a new word.

Neurosarcoidosis.

Same root disease. Different territory.

This time, the inflammation wasn’t confined to places people commonly associate with sarcoidosis. It had reached my nervous system — the part of me that governs thought, energy, coordination, and clarity. The invisible systems that quietly make everything else possible.

The diagnosis changed.

But I didn’t.

That distinction matters to me.

Because chronic illness has a way of trying to rearrange the narrative. It invites fear. It tempts identity drift. It whispers, “This will define you now.”

But here is what I know:

I am still me.

I still care deeply.
I still think deeply.
I still show up.

Some days, showing up looks different. It may require more pacing, more rest, and more honesty about limits. It may mean working within fluctuating energy or navigating fatigue that sleep does not fix. It may mean explaining symptoms that are not visible to the naked eye.

Neurosarcoidosis is often described as an invisible illness.

That is true.

But invisible does not mean imagined.
And invisible does not mean absent.

There is real neurological inflammation. Real cognitive fatigue. Real unpredictability. Real adaptation is happening beneath the surface.

And yet — the core of who I am remains intact.

This series is not about dramatizing illness.

It is about naming something that many people live with quietly:
the tension between what others see and what the body carries.

It is about faith that is steady rather than loud.
Hope that is grounded rather than performative.
Love that includes boundaries and self-compassion.

It is about the quiet courage of still showing up — in work, in relationships, in purpose — inside a body that requires attention and care.

The diagnosis changed.

But I didn’t.

And that is where this story begins.

New Series - Still showing up: Faith, Hope, Love - and the Quiet Courage of Chronic Illness

 Over the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing a personal series titled:

Still Showing Up: Faith, Hope, Love — and the Quiet Courage of Chronic Illness

Recently, I was diagnosed with neurosarcoidosis — a neurological expression of sarcoidosis that I have lived with since 1998. While this diagnosis adds a new layer to my medical story, it does not change who I am.

This series is not a medical guide.

It is a reflection on identity, invisible illness, and what it means to continue working, loving, believing, and participating in life inside a body that does not always cooperate.

If you’ve ever carried something others couldn’t see…
If you’ve ever adapted quietly…
If you’ve ever continued showing up in ways that required more strength than anyone realized…

This space is for you.

The first reflection in this series will be published later this week.

Thank you for being here.

Reasons why

    In the past 6 months, I have been reminded time and time again that everything happens for a reason. When it's happening you may not understand the why but rest assured if you're paying attention eventually the reason why will be revealed to you. 

    Typically when we're asking why it's because something bad or painful has occurred and we want to know why we're being punished etc. Trust me, over the years I've asked a lot whys. I guess I'm at the point in my life where I can finally see or stop and pay attention to the answers to my whys. 

    People come into your life for a reason, and unfortunately, people also leave your life for a reason.  Sometimes the reason is about you, and sometimes it's about them.

    Sometimes the answer to the why doesn't come, and it's in those moments that it can be really easy to get stuck in that dark place of wondering. I'm here to encourage you to break out of that cycle by focusing on all of the good whys that happen every day that we never seem to question or spend much time thinking about.  We simply take all the good stuff for granted. 

    You applied for a job and didn't get it. You may ask, why not me? A little while later, an even better opportunity presents itself, and you are so overjoyed that you never take the time to consider that you didn't get the 1st job because something better was waiting for you a little further down the road.

    Maybe you met someone who you thought was the love of your life. You gave them your all, the very best of you, and ultimately they decided you were not the one for them. It's painful trust me I know but in the end, you must realize that sometimes the pain we feel is necessary in order to set up us for something even greater down the road. 

    For those rolling their eyes, let me challenge you to think about it this way.  If bad things continue to happen to you and you never get the "good" things or the reasons why maybe you might need to change some things in your life. I'm not an expert here just a woman who's sharing her thoughts based on my experiences. With that said when I found myself stuck in a never-ending cycle of bad experiences where the whys were not adding up I had to look at myself and ask some tough questions. What decisions am I making? Who's in my circle? Where am I placing my energy? There are so many more questions that can be asked depending on the circumstances. The point is to try to focus on the positive energy and not get stuck dwelling on the negative energy. If you do find yourself in a negative energy cycle for an extended period of time, it might be time to reboot. 

    Rebooting means different things to different people. For me, it means I need some time alone to sit with my thoughts and maybe write in my journal, create something like a new book cover, or start a new project. What works for me may not work for you, but it's important to know yourself well enough to know what you need and when you need it. 

    2023 is the year of self-care for me. That doesn't mean I'm being selfish it simply means that I am making an intentional effort to pay attention to my needs while doing what I can for others. If you need some help with finding your whys or how to reboot, visit my website www.authorterrid.com

Flow State

 

I think the weight of the past two weeks is finally catching up to me. My mom was in the hospital and it was a very stressful time for me. She is home now and doing well. She’s back to her normal routine after what seemed like a life changing experience. She needed oxygen to breath and ultimately a blood transfusion to bring her blood levels up to where they needed to be.

During her hospitalization I was responsible for many things that I don’t typically handle, my schedule wasn’t mine at all.  I was at the mercy of what everyone else needed from me. It wasn’t necessarily a problem since I like to help people but I guess now that I’ve had a minute to sit back, relax and think about everything I’m exactly where I always end up. Wondering who takes care of the person who takes care of everyone else? First and foremost I must be vigilant in my efforts to do everything I can to manage my own selfcare. I feel that I usually do but there are times when I need to be reminded that I also need a break.

A month ago I proudly proclaimed that in 2023 I wouldn’t be doing anything that I didn’t want to do. Well mom got sick and that went straight out of the window. Everyday I did many things that I would have liked to have said NO to but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to let mom down. Mom is the one person that I never want to disappoint. Trust me I have many times in my life and I’m sure there will be more disappointments because that’s life but I do try my best to not disappoint mom.

Please don’t mistake any of these words as complaining about anything. I truly am grateful for each and every day that I wake up. No my life isn’t perfect but who’s is? I’m happy with my life, I love my job, I love my apartment. School is going well this semester. Whew last semester and that math class almost took me out ya’ll. My current class which is called life by design is awesome.  It’s exactly what I need right now. Each week we are challenged to read or watch videos about various topics and then relate them to ourselves. It’s really about discovering who you are and who you want to be. It’s been great to go through the exercises and really ponder and meditate on the questions.

This brings me to my next point which is about how I am constantly reminded of how great God is. We often go through life missing all of the little special things or miracles that happen to us or around us but I am making a concerted effort to pay attention. Things and even people come into my life it seems to bring me something or a lesson that I needed to learn.  This cannot all be coincidence can it? I mean if it happens once or maybe twice I guess you could say yeah it’s just a coincidence. What about if it’s happened time and time again? So many times that you’ve lost count? Is that still coincidence? Everyone has their opinions but I know it’s not and that is why I am so thankful. That is why I have become so much more aware of those little things that just seem to happen and we don’t recognize them.

I started this tonight as a part of an exercise for my class. Writing is one of the things that brings me joy or as we’re discussing in my class this week it puts me in my “flow state.” When I’m writing whether it’s a journal entry, a blog post, or a fiction story I am in my zone. I can sit and write for hours at a time not realizing how much time has passed. All I need is a journal and a pen or a computer and a quiet room or my favorite CD which happens to be one by Dudley Moore, the soundtrack from my favorite movie Six Weeks. It’s classical piano music which takes me to a place that is hard to describe to others. Most people that I know wouldn’t understand it but that’s the beauty of it. It’s mine, my flow state so no one else is supposed to get it. Everyone has their own thing. This is mine. This is where I am my absolute happiest is when I’m writing. This is my “Flow State.”

Changing Seasons

 

    This beautiful tree is a daily reminder to me that I am not the only person or thing going through a change of seasons right now.  Just as the leaves change from green to beautiful vibrant colors I too am embracing the changes that are occurring now and the ones still yet to come.

   Learning to live alone again is going well, in fact I love my new space. It is exactly the environment I needed for the metamorphosis that is occurring within me.  My new space is quiet, serene and has beautiful views of nature that I can enjoy from inside the comfort of my home.  I am NOT an outdoorsy person.  I chose the word metamorphosis on purpose as it means "a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means." My transformation is internal, more mental than physical. It's the rebirth of the person I once was with some new additions based on lessons learned. I firmly believe that we should be on a continuous journey of learning, growing and changing so I am embracing it. 

    I am a work in progress.  Working towards focusing on what I can change within myself, not others. The Serenity prayer is my mantra on the difficult days:

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change, 

the courage to change the thing I can, 

and the wisdom to know the difference.

    Managing my time between surrounding myself with my circle of family and friends who provide me with the support, feedback and motivation I need to make these changes. As well as the needed time alone to process all of the feelings and emotions that come along with such a major transformation. 

    Winter is the time for rest and hibernation to rebuild for the coming spring and I cannot make any promises or predictions but I'm thinking that something beautiful and refreshed, revitalized will emerge after the cold long days of winter. Stay tuned to see.

Also I have recently published the sequel to Passport Wife which is titled Love Lessons.

If you're wondering what became of the Passport Wife? She learned from some valuable Love Lessons.  Order your copy today. Click the link below.

 https://www.amazon.com/Love-Lessons-Terri-D/dp/B0BHMV362W/ref=sr_1_1?crid=21K29V1G9RSJB&keywords=Love+Lessons+by+Terri+D&qid=1666057259&s=books&sprefix=love+lessons+by+terri+d%2Cstripbooks%2C99&sr=1-1

Life Lessons

 Hello everyone,

Whew it's been a long minute since I addressed you all.  I'm like a bear I hibernate in the winter lol. The weather is finally getting nice and I'm back with some very exciting news.  My publishing company, TDUB Publishing is putting together two anthologies. The theme is life lessons.  Mature ladies can share yours with the younger ladies and the same goes for the men. The world is changing but we should continue to listen to and pay attention to the advice from our elders.  They do know a little something about life.  

You do not have to be a writer to share your story or life lessons.  Just sit down and start typing something that you wish you had  known before or wish someone had told you about. It can be about relationships, parenting, work, school, basically anything you want.  The stories can be serious or humorous. The point is to just share what you've learned along this journey called life and maybe you can help someone else out along the way. If you're shy you can remain anonymous if you chose to.  

We are accepting submissions for the entire month of June so get to writing and submit yours as soon as possible.

I look forward to reading all of your submissions.  Any questions email me at AuthorTerriD@gmail.com

  

New Beginnings

 Hey Ya'll

After a much needed mental health and self-care break I am back.  Did ya'll miss me? I missed you all :-)

I needed some time to figure out my life and oh what a journey it was.  By the way I figured out that figuring out your life is literally a life long process. So the journey continues. I'm such a caring & giving person so it's hard for me to focus on me let alone only focus on me for a period of time BUT it was needed and boy did it really help. Self-care is a must for everyone from time to time.  My self-care included full body massage, chair massage, reiki (Oh my what an awesome experience), a spiritual reading, some nutritional counseling and some good old fashion clear your head and process your real emotions counseling. 

Anyway I'm back and I'm in a much better place than I was 3 months ago.  I've made some big decisions and I am moving forward with those full steam ahead. First major change that is coming is that I am moving.  Leaving my house where I have lived for the past 24 years. Talk about scary. Yikes is the only way I can describe this feeling. The move is less than 2 weeks away and as I continue to pack my things I'm nervous about what lies ahead but I know that things will be okay. Next I decided to change my major from Spanish to Family & Human Development. This is more in line with my future life goals. That and I wasn't really interested in all of the Spanish literature that was in my future. Change is good and I'm pressing onward.

So what's next? Like everyone else I am trying to adjust to this new normal I guess. Things are so different now, not better or worse just different. My writing will continue and my current project is very personal.  Stay tuned for more on this in the coming months. As for this blog it will also continue but it's going to be a little different. Details forthcoming. 

Everyone stay safe and I'll be in touch.