Dominican Housewife Chronicles

Hello everyone.  Here's a picture of me sitting at my new desk writing.  I'm so excited that I was able to find a nice desk and chair really cheap so that I can write more comfortably.  Sitting on the bed and sofa were really wearing my back out.



This was an interesting week for me. At first I was very lonely and bored.  I missed having a companion here with me during the day.  My visitor from last week left to go home.  The first day I was so bored that I organized the grocery store bags that we use for trash.  I used old apple juice containers to create dispensers for the bags. I cut the bottom on three sides to create an hinged like opening to put the bags in. I used tape to cover the jagged edges from the cutting.  The most labor intensive part of this process was actually sorting the bags, large versus small and then systematically folding the bags and linking them so that when you pull one out another one is pulled up and is ready for the next time. I was serious about this little project and I'm very proud of my creation. Here are some pics.

I realized just this week that I am legit a real live housewife.  I went from being a retired IT Director to a Dominican house wife.  How did I get from there to here?   It's a story of love, compromise, major cultural differences, love, communication, miscommunication, faith, hope and love.  The greatest of these things is love. After this week and this realization of my new role I must say that I have a new found respect for housewives.  I’ve been here for 5 weeks now and each week that I've been here it I've taken on more domestic responsibilities.  You see in the beginning there was a sister which I called her my sister wife because she did everything that a wife would do for my husband except sleep with him.  So when I first starting visiting and up until this last trip I never cooked or cleaned anything.  I wasn't allowed to.  His sister was here everyday to do all the cooking and cleaning.  At first it was nice to be able to come here and relax and have someone else take care of those things.  However as more time passed and I began to spend more time here and especially after we got married it became an issue for me.  I didn't think it was appropriate for her to be doing all of those things.  So I've slowly  been taking over these tasks from her.  It hasn't been easy trust me but this is the first week that I've done all the cooking, cleaning and washing of the clothes for my husband and I.  I have no idea how housewives do it when they have kids cause this is a mess.  Like where does the time go?  He leaves for work in the morning and the next thing I know he’s coming home.  I barely have time to clean and this is a very small house.  It’s a little two bedroom one bathroom house.  I'm trying to cook and  like where does the time go?  I do spend a lot of time at the grocery store. I cannot shop here like I shop at home.  At home I can get groceries for the whole week or couple of weeks.  I can’t do that here for a number of reasons.  One it’s hot and  humid.  A lot of things are going to go bad so you don’t want to buy things in large quantity.  Even though we have a refrigerator and I put stuff in the refrigerator it turns off every day for like a couple of hours because of the electricity issue.  So there are things that do not last very long even in there because of the constant temperature fluctuations.

I've mastered the cooking thing now but not without some hiccups.  Now that my husband enjoys my cooking so much we're having an issue with getting the communication and timing down.  My husband is supposed to work until 4 pm and I know that when he comes home from work he usually likes to eat right away.  Please pay attention to the word usually.  This week we had some minor conflicts because of schedule changes, expectations and severe hunger LOL.  Let me tackle expectations first.  I expect food to be eaten when it's cooked because I do not like cold or room temperature food.  My husband expects there to be food whenever he's hungry LOL.  Most of the time when he comes home from work he's hungry and wants to eat right away.  Those are the good days because it meets my expectation and I make sure there's food ready by 4 pm.  Some days he doesn't want to eat right away he has other things he wants to do first.  The food is ready and I want to eat but he doesn't.  Then there's the days when he gets off early and walks in and expects food to be ready but it's not.  So after realizing we had different expectations we sat down and talked.  We both agreed that food will be ready by 4 pm.  If he eats it when it's hot great if not it will be there when he gets hungry later. 

This weeks challenge was taking on washing the clothes.  That was an adventure because it's very different how it's done here.  It was an all day event and I only got my husbands clothes and a load of towels done the first day.  The towels need to be washed again though because they didn’t dry properly so they smell funny.  So let me describe the process for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about.  There is this small appliance that they call a washing machine or Lavado.



It’s pretty small but it actually does clean the clothes, yes I was surprised.  There is one side where you put water, detergent and set the timer and it swishes the clothes around in a circular motion.  There is no blade or anything like in my washing machine at home.  Just the circular swishing motion.  My machine does have two settings Fuerte (hard) and normal.    On the other side of this appliance is the spin or wind dry.  So here is the process.  You fill the washer side up with how ever much water you need for the load.  While the water is being added you add your detergent which is a mixture of power and some soap which is a bar and you cut it with a knife.  After the water is added and the soap has been added you put the clothes in and select the time for washing 3, 6, 9, 12 or 15 minutes are the options I have.   I should add that while you are filling it with water it is very important to make sure that it’s set to wash and not drain or all the water will just come out.  Of course I learned that lesson the hard way.  After the clothes are finished washing you don’t just put them in the wind dry spinner.  You need two separate huge buckets, one with plain water to rinse and the second one with water and softener.  Remove clothes from the washer put into the plain water to rinse and then put into the water with the softener, then you put in the wind dry to spin as much of the water out as possible before you hang the clothes to dry.  SO here is where things get a little dicey for me.  I do not like grass.  I don’t ever want to walk in it even with shoes on if possible.  It’s worse here because there is so much trash and all types of animal feces everywhere.  There is a clothes line but it’s behind the house which requires me to walk through a bunch of nonsense that I’m just not going to do.  For my maiden washing voyage I decided to use hangers and clothes pins and hang the clothes out front on the patio.  It worked well for the shirts and some of the pants but not for the towels so I am going to have to come up with something better for that for the next time.  My husband suggested that I put the clothes up on the roof to dry.  You're probably thinking, the roof?  What in the world so let me explain.  Almost all of the houses here have steps leading up to the roof but there nothing up there. I mean it looks weird to see a single level house with concrete steps leading to nothing right?  That's what you see a lot here and now I understand why. I haven’t ever been up those steps so I have no idea what it looks like up there but I will need to investigate it for future use because the backyard is not an option for me at all.  I learned that this little machine does actually clean but I need to use more detergent and also I need to leave the clothes in the softener water a little longer.  Refine my drying process and try to get my timing down so it doesn’t take as long.  Here is a pic of my bathroom during the clothes washing process.



Stay tuned for more from the Real housewives of the Dominican Republic next week right here on Random Thoughts from Author Terri D's blog.

Life lessons from a 21 year old

Last week I had the pleasure of having a special guest visit me here at my house in the Dominican Republic.  She is an amazing young woman.  She is my son's girlfriend.  They met last year and it's sort of ironic that my son and I are in relationships with Dominicans.  Her name is Nef and she is a beautiful and very smart young lady.  My son, like me has great taste LOL.  It was so nice having Nef here to help pass the time during the day while my  husband is at work.  I learned quite a bit from this young lady  hence the title of my post.  I've learned many things over the past year about this culture but seeing things through the eyes of a 21 year old was enlightening as well.  I did mention already that she is smart.  She is currently enrolled in medical school here and she has been since she was 16 years old.  She speaks English very well and I cannot express how wonderful it is to have someone around who speaks both Spanish and English.  I joked with her that this week she was my google translate and she really was.

I learned how to make fried plantains, moro rice, chicken (Nef's receipe).  How to pick the right avocado and plantains.  She made Passion fruit smoothies which were very good although she really skimped on the sugar in mine.  She's very conscious of my diabetes.  I learned that she is that way because she has close family members who also suffer from the disease and they have not been able to manage theirs as well as I have mine.  I've been here for months and hadn't figured the smart TV out.  Of course it only took her about 5 minutes to master it.  I think the most important lesson of the week was to always pronounce the "L" in the word Salmon here.  Back home most people do not pronounce the "L" and not doing that here will get you a completely different result trust me.

We had many conversations about relationships in general.  Both sharing our views on love.  She was very honest with me about her concerns about my relationship with my husband.  She had met him before and didn't have a bad feeling about him but she just wanted to remind me that it's kind of a thing here for people not just men to get involved with people from other countries in order to get their Visa to leave.  Of course I am very aware of this and struggled for many months with this reality and how I felt about my relationship.  Nef's perception of things is very different than mine of course for a variety of reasons.  The most obvious of course being our age difference but there's also some cultural things mixed in there as well. 

We watched a couple of really interesting movies together and she started watching the Bates Motel series on Netflix.  I had just finished it the week before she came but it was fun watching it again with her.  The days passed quickly and before we both knew it it was time for her to leave.  I had mixed emotions about her leaving  I really enjoyed her company but I also enjoy having the house to myself during the day and spending the nights alone with my husband.  I say it that way because up until a month ago my husbands niece was living with us.  We've recently discovered how nice and quiet the house can be with just the two of us here.  It's also nice to have a second bedroom for him to throw his clothes around in.  I can close the door and only deal with it when I choose to LOL.

All in all it was a great week and I'm happy that I was able to spend the time getting to know Nef a lot better since she and my son are in a relationship.  Oh and she let me know that she plans to marry him.  I remember being young and in love and confident that it was the love of my lifetime.  Boy how things change but also remain the same.

Crash

I titled this post crash because my two worlds came together this week and I was reminded of one of my favorite movies titled Crash.  It's a movie about race, class, family and gender in Los Angeles in the aftermath of 9/11.  Although the movie begins and ends with a vehicle collision I am happy to report that my week did not.  Which is somewhat hard to believe since everyone drives like maniacs in this county. My parents arrived as scheduled I picked them up at the airport, got them checked into their hotel and then I brought them to the house for dinner.  My sister in law cooked a very nice meal and everyone loved it.  My sister in law is a great cook.  She really needs to open a restaurant or something. My mom talked about that food for days LOL.  My parents were very happy with how their initial meeting went with their new son in law.  Everything went well and they both think he's a nice young man but they just wish that they could communicate with him more.  I knew the communication thing was going to be an issue and I tried to prep my mother to set her expectation.  I did have my Ipad available with google translate ready to use and they did use it to ask him a few questions and he was able to respond but it's just not the same as being able to sit down and have a conversation with someone.  My mom's first question was 'tell me about yourself''  Raulin just looked at me and made a face when he read the question LOL.  Once I explained to mom that she needed to be a little bit more specific things got better.  We passed the Ipad around and everyone was able to ask questions or say what they wanted to say.  I made one of my parents favorite desserts, ambrosia which was a little different that how I make it back home because I couldn't find cool whip anywhere in Puerto Plata so redi whip had to do.

Back to the movie Crash.  This week reminded me of the movie because my parents and I spent a lot of time this week discussing our varying views on life here in the Dominican Republic.  We debated what the word culture really means and if it's really possible for people to be happy living the way that most do here in this country.  I had to keep reminding myself that I've been immersed in this culture for a long time now so I'm a lot more used to things than they are this being their first visit.  It also opened my eyes to exactly how much I have assimilated into the culture because they pointed out several things that I hadn't even thought of or don't pay much attention to.  I also realize that my view is much different because I'm in love and we all know that love makes you do the strangest things at times.  My stepfather was quick to point out or shall I say remind me that if it weren't for my husband I wouldn't be here either.  Although that may be true I also feel that there is a reason for me to be here.  I feel that life is a series of lessons that we need to learn.  There is a lesson here for me, probably several lessons honestly.  I truly believe that I met my husband under these circumstances because it was necessary in order for me to learn the lessons that I needed to from this relationship.  If I had met my husband in the United States I'm pretty sure that we wouldn't be married right now.  In fact I would go so far as to say that we probably wouldn't even be together right now.  I'm somewhat of a control freak.  This quality has been one of the reasons so many of my relationships failed in the past.  I have a hard time letting go and allowing the man to be a man and lead.  Okay ladies don't get all bent out of shape because of that statement.  We may have to agree to disagree on this one but it is my belief that as the Bible states the man is supposed to be the head of the household.  That doesn't mean that he is to lord over his wife or that the wife is supposed to be submissive by any means.  I'm not making excuses for my bad behavior in the past but I think that I wasn't able to allow a man to be a man and lead me because I hadn't found one that I trusted or had enough confidence in to lead me.  That may be a part of my daddy issues because I didn't have a good relationship with my real father but that's another blog post.  So anyway I think it was important for me to meet my husband on his turf so to speak so that I would have no choice but to allow him to lead because I don't know the language or the culture.  I literally had to put my life in his hands as I came to this unknown country.  This dynamic has set the precedent that he has to lead and I have to trust in him enough to allow him to lead.  I believe this is building a solid foundation for our relationship.  Obviously when he moves to the United States with me this will be very different and I have no idea how he will handle the major culture shock  but I do know that the foundation that we've built here in the Dominican Republic will allow us to move forward with whatever challenges lie ahead because we have developed and built mutual trust and respect for each other.

If you haven't seen the movie Crash I highly recommend that you do.  The acting was in my opinion superb and the message was clear.  As humans we tend to respond to people or treat them a certain way based on their race or culture and our preconceived notions of how they are.  My parents visit brought me back to this movie and the message because of some of the assumptions that were made about the people here and their lives.  I made the statement that I've met some of the poorest people I've even know here but they were also the happiest people I've ever met.  My statement was challenged because the thought is that there is no way that someone could be  happy living here under these conditions.  So because they are poor, they cannot be happy?  If you've only ever known this way of life why is it not possible to be happy?  I don't have the answer to any of these questions, I don't think anyone does.  I cannot define another persons happiness.  I can tell you that my husband was born and raised here.  His family has always struggled but they made it work and he's very proud of his childhood and his life here in the Dominican Republic.  When we first met and starting dating he told me that he didn't want to leave here to go to the United States.  His preference was for me to come to live here with him.  When it became obvious to him that I was not willing or able to move to the Dominican Republic he made the decision to come to the United State with me.   I honestly think that we will eventually end up back in the Dominican Republic living full time but for now I'm not ready to leave my home in the United States.

We are now moving into uncharted territory in our relationship.  I have been here longer now than any prior visit.  This is the longest period of time that we have spent together since we met.  I mentioned this to my husband last night and he said "siempre hay una primera vez" Which translates in English to There is always a first time.  We've definitely settled into a rhythm now.  He goes to work in the morning and I have the staring role in the reality show the housewives of the Dominican Republic LOL.  Seriously next week I will delve a little more into my day to day life here.  For now I will close this post and I welcome your feedback and comments.  I want to remind everyone reading this that these are my thoughts and feelings.  I do not intend to offend anyone by anything I share here. 

New Year same old me

It's 2018 now.  So now what?  I'm not a resolution type of person.  I honestly don't feel any different now than I did a few days ago when it was 2017.  The new year is like turning the page in my planner.  I'm the same person just a different date.  Although I do have some big decisions to make this year I'm not rushing into anything.  Taking each day as it comes (wow this lifestyle is really getting to me LOL)

In my last blog entry I wrote about my first Dominican Christmas so I think it's only fitting that I write about my first Dominican New Years Eve in this one.  During the day on the 31st we were out all day in the country or 'campo' as the Dominicans say.  I took my laptop with me and was able to capture some of my thoughts while we were there.

Thoughts while at campo

Right now I am sitting outside in the middle of the country in a gazebo like structure. I am surrounded by cows, chickens, turkeys and ducks. There are bugs everywhere. There is poop everywhere. This is so not my thing. I just witnessed several ducks being chased down, killed and they are now in the pot that is resting upon wood that I saw the men chop and prepare into a fire. Ok so I am not going to eat duck, at least I don’t think I will but my husband loves this and I have grown to enjoy some of this like he does. It’s like everyday here with him is an excellent adventure. Because of the language barrier I rarely know what’s going on, what we are doing or where we are going but I follow him because I trust that he will take care of me and make sure that I am okay. He usually does. I say usually because there was this one time that he took me to what he calls ‘campo’ which is just a fancy way to say way out in the country with no civilization. So it was not a good day because there was no bathroom. There was an out house and me standing over a hole in the ground to pee is NOT my thing at all. That entire day was a mess from start to finish and to this point in our relationship I think it was the angriest I have ever been at him, but it really only lasted about an hour. After that hour I was over it. Yes, I was inconvenienced and way outside of my area of comfort but in the end, I didn’t die, although I wanted to when I peed all over myself trying to squat over the hole and I was wearing light colored shorts so everyone could see what I had done. I survived it and I expressed to him very calmly that any future trips to campo where there is no bathroom leave me at home.

So today here we are again at ‘campo’ but a different location and I see a house like structure nearby so I’m praying that there is a bathroom in there that I can use when it’s time.  I’m learning how to hold it longer and how to pace myself with my food and drink on these unknown adventures with him because I never know how long it will be before I can get to a bathroom again. 

I sometimes wonder how it will be for him and how he will handle the major cultural differences when he comes to the United States.  Will he be able to adapt as I have?  Maybe he will be a lot better at it than me.  I’m doing it because I have no choice most of the time.  And the other times I guess maybe I’m feeling a little adventurous and want to step outside of my comfort zone a little bit.  I do believe that the biggest issue for him is going to be the cold in the winter.  Second to that might be the food, he used to the way they prepare food here and it’s different at home.  I will prepare him some of his favorite dishes but it’s not going to be an everyday thing so he’s going to have to get used to some American food also.  The third thing is probably going to be the social aspect of life in the US.  He’s going to miss his family and his close-knit group of friends that he has here but I’m hopeful that he will make new friends quickly there. 

So, it’s the end of the year and as the new years starts there will be new experiences, challenges and yes of course some disappointments as well.  I threw away my rose-colored glasses and I realize there will be storms to weather, but I am absolutely committed to working through it all with him.  He is absolutely the man I’ve been searching for all my life.  Which is funny because he doesn’t have many of the things I thought I wanted or needed in a man.  I’ve learned through this experience and a few others that what we think we want or need is not necessarily what we want or need.   This man is so proud of me.  I just realized that he brought my books with us on this trip to show everyone.  Wow I’m in awe of his love, adoration and again he’s proud of me and my accomplishments which I swear I don’t think I’ve ever had in a man before.  He truly supports me and is proud of what I’ve accomplished.  I told him this morning that I needed to finish my blog entry before the end of the year so that’s today.  He encouraged me to bring my laptop with me so I could write while we were here and I am so glad that he did.  This environment although it’s outside of my comfort zone is very conducive to my creative juices.  It’s the simplicity of the life that touches me.  Although I was turned off by them hunting the ducks down and killing them it’s a part of the circle of life.  Cooking this food outside on this pile of wood that I saw them chop and put together is amazing to me.  It’s like no grill, no problem lol.

Bathroom update - I was wrong about the house like structure.  It only has three walls and no door.  There's a non functioning toilet, no paper and a whole in the cement.  So the bathroom saga at campo continues.

*******

The ducks were eaten, not by me and we cleaned up and headed home to relax for a couple of hours before heading out to the New Years party which was at his grandmothers house.  She lives right around the corner but I've never met her before which I thought was odd.  We both shower and change and head to the party.  It was just about what I expected.  Everyone was hanging around outside talking, drinking and eventually eating sancocho.  It was nice to meet his grandmother although I don't think she understood that I couldn't understand her LOL.  I met many other cousins, uncles and aunts and saw a lot of familiar faces from the wedding celebration.  According to my husband they stay up all night partying and he already knew I wasn't staying up all night so before we came to the party we decided when I was ready he would bring me back home and he could go back out.  I made it until about 2 am and then I was ready for bed.  I came back to the house and he went back out.  He and his cousin were planning to go back out to the campo to meet up with some other family to party until the sun rose.  I have no idea what time he got in but when I woke up in the morning he was lying beside me.  I found out later that they didn't go anywhere because it started to rain.  

I just finished reading the best book.  It's titled What About Your Saucepans by Lindsey De Feliz.  It's a true story about a woman from England who moved to the Dominican Republic.  I enjoyed the book so much because I could relate to her challenges with this culture and way of life.  I could also relate to the relationship she had with her husband.   Being in a committed relationship with anyone is a challenge but doing it with someone who is from another country adds a level of complexity that you simply cannot understand unless you live through it.  What I can tell you is that once you make the decision to embark on such an adventure it's not for the faint of heart.  There will be highs and lows.  It's takes courage, stamina, a sense of adventure and a lot of patience.

Today I'm preparing for my parents to arrive for a visit and to meet my husband.  I'm a little nervous.  I feel like I've been living two lives for the past year. There's my life back home in the United States that my close friends and family know and then there is this new life here in the Dominican Republic.  It would be very hard to many to believe that I live here in the Dominican Republic the way I do because of how I live when I am at home.  Let me be clear I have a modest home and life in the states but there are still major differences.  For example there is no hot water here.  We are fortunate to have running water where we live but there is no hot water.  All bathing, dish and clothes washing is done with cold water.  It is possible on a very hot summer day to get a warm shower if you are the first one to shower and the water has been sitting in the collection tank for awhile.  Which is pretty funny because in the summer when it's 100 degrees here you look forward to those cold showers to cool you off.  I remember the first time I experienced the almost warm water in the summer I was mad because I wanted cold water LOL.  The water pressure isn't very good either.

We have electricity most of the time but not always.  The electricity shuts itself off at certain times during the day.  This means that I cannot use the air conditioning that I had installed in the bedroom.  I also cannot use the microwave or any other outlets in the kitchen.  The fridge shuts off also.  My bright idea of sending over a crock pot to use to cook was not such a good idea based on this issue.  My first pot roast was ruined because midway through the slow cooking process the electricity shut off for several hours. I'm figuring out when the electricity down times are and doing my best to work around them. 

It's only the fifth day of this new year but at this point not much has changed nor do I expect it to.  I think most people start off with good intentions but you have to be realistic.  If you really want to do something you just do it no matter what the date is on the calendar.  Well there's 360 days left in this year to make those resolutions happen so get to cracking ya'll. 

I'm going to work on my next book now  I will talk to you all again next week after the parents visit.