Dominican Housewife Chronicles - What he says vs what he means

This is one of our most recent pictures together while at the beach.  My husband doesn't like the beach.  I honestly have no idea how you can live on this beautiful island and not love the beach but anyway I love when he makes the sacrifice for me.  It's even better when it's his suggestion.

Okay everyone this post is about how my husband communicates with me.  If you've been following my blog you know that my husband is Dominican and speaks Spanish and I'm American and I speak English.  I've been spending a lot of time here in the Dominican Republic over the past year so I'm learning Spanish enough to hold a simple conversation.  My husband is learning but not as fast as me.  He and I have developed a way of communicating that works for us, sometimes better than others but we usually figure it out.  Some of the examples I'm going to share with you today really don't have much to do with the difference between Spanish and English but sometimes the language barrier does play into our miscommunication.  For those of you who don't know Spanish at all this will be somewhat of a Spanish lesson for you.

The first word is Ahora - This means now in English.
When my husband says Ahora it can mean different things depending on the activity.  For example if it's something I want then Ahora means in the very near future.  If it's something he wants then ahora actually means that he's known about it for several days but didn't tell me about it until just now and AHORA means I was supposed to be ready 10 minutes ago.  You can imagine how annoying this is right?  I'm learning though.  He's a creature of habit so I watch him now and I can tell when there's going to be an AHORA event coming that I need to be prepared for.  This usually happens when he has a baseball game.  I've learned which days the games typically occur on so I can be prepared and he's not always being a total jerk it's just sometimes hes waiting to decide if he's going or not.  He plays on so many different teams.

Next let's discuss the word Hoy.  This means today in English.
When my husband says Hoy it actually most of the time means today but it can also just mean, yeah one day that might happen but not ahora LOL.  If I ask him to do something or go somewhere if I get the Si, hoy response it's a good thing.

Manana - This means tomorrow in English.
When my husband says it it means not now (ahora) it might happen tomorrow if I actually remember it or feel like it but it is something I'm somewhat interested in.

Next up is the phrase Mas Tarde - This means later in English.
When my husband says Mas Tarde it actually means I'm really not interested in that at all so I'm going to say mas tarde and hope that you forget about it or maybe I can talk  you out of it cause it's just not going to happen.  So in my house mas tarde means later or never.  It took me awhile to catch on to this one but I finally figured it out so when I hear the mas tarde response I press for a hoy or manana instead.  The mas tarde isn't my friend LOL.

Temprano - This means early in English.
When my husband uses this word for him it's going to happen soon, but for me when he says temprano he's really asking me why I'm not finished yet with whatever I'm doing LOL.

This next one is my favorite.  No cocinar hoy - This means do not cook today.  My husband has a habit of telling me this on Sunday's.  He says "No cocinar hoy, tu trankilla in casa hoy."  Basically you don't cook for me today you relax in the house today.  What he means is I don't want you to spend a lot of time in the kitchen today cooking a big meal BUT when I'm hungry later (mas tarde) I want you to be able to whip something up quick.  So the first time this happened I wasn't prepared and I was mad as a hornet.  I demanded an explanation and he told me that me warming up the leftovers or making a quick sandwich wasn't considered cooking which I guess is true.  Like I said before I'm learning and I'm hip to his little no cocinar hoy trick and I'm ready every time.  In fact it's become somewhat of a joke between us.  Kinda like when I ask him if he wants popcorn while we watch TV at night and he says no.  I always fix enough for us both because I learned a long time ago that his hand is going to be in the bowl and he usually eats more than half of the bowl.

This next word has been the source of major challenges between my husband and I especially while in the car.  The Spanish word derecho means two things, to go straight and to turn right.  You can imagine how nerve racking this can be while driving in an unfamiliar place getting directions from someone who only speaks Spanish.  Fortunately I've learned my way around this city now and my husband does most of the driving when we are out together.

When it matters the most he says what he means like when he says Te amo mucho (I love you a lot) or when he says in English you're beautiful :-)

Dominican Housewife Chronicles - Tough choices not a Fairy Tale

This is going to be difficult.  I’m going to try to get through this without getting too emotional.  On May 18th I had to make a very tough decision.  I surrendered my dog Chico over to the Humane Society.  A few months ago Chico began having what we believe are problems with his neck and/or back.  He was walking funny, he wouldn't jump up on the sofa anymore.  He was not lying down, just standing very awkwardly. You could tell he was uncomfortable.  Then he started having these screaming fits.  When this all started I was in the Dominican Republic.  It was late one night during one of the snow storms back in March.  I was talking with my friend Tiff about it online.  Asking her if she thought we should take him to the ER.  She agreed that he should be seen immediately and she actually took him for me. Tiff loves animals and volunteers at a local shelter.  She's familiar with the staff at the local animal hospital which is why she offered to take him for me.  They took x-rays and they didn't see anything major on the images, just some minor arthritis.  They gave us some pain medicine and told us to follow up with his regular vet.  Several days later, I was actually at home and I was able to take him to the appointment.  They examined him, ran some blood work and their diagnosis was that he had somehow tweaked his back. They started him on steroids, muscle relaxers and pain pills.  They also did a laser treatment on him while we were there in the office.  Initially he seemed to improve.  He was running again, a few days after he started the medications he began jumping up on the couch again.  Things seems to be normal, except that he was on all these medications. He’s been on thee medications for over two months now and his symptoms really haven’t improved, well initially it seemed that they did but recently he’s deteriorated.  This past week my daughter Jennifer had to take him to the ER twice and he’s just constantly screaming in pain.  I mean screaming.  It's not a bark or a yelp it's a scream.  When my daughter took him into the ER the first time the doctor remarked that he heard him when she first brought him in and she thought that someone had brought a duck in. 

The reason I surrendered him, well there’s a couple of reasons, maybe three.  One thing is I’m not there and my daughter Jennifer is doing everything she can to take care of him and it was becoming very overwhelming for her.  His screaming is very stressful for her.  He’s waking her up at night and during the day, she works for home and he’s screaming.  When he screams it's not just a short yell sometimes it goes on for hours.  He’s not screaming to be annoying he’s screaming because he’s in pain.  While he screams he's looking at you like please help me but there's nothing you can do.  Even though he’s on all this medication he’s still in pain and at this point nothing seems to be helping with his pain.  The other part about this is if it’s a neck or back problem they’ve told us that we need to take him to a neurologist and they told us with a neck or back problem you could be looking at $3,000 to $5,000 bill when all is said and done.  The specialist recommended that I apply for a  doggie care credit card which I did and of course I was declined.  I love Chico but I can’t pay that kind of money right now for my dog.  The ER kept him overnight on Thursday night and they really did all they could for him but the other piece of this story is that he stopped eating back on Monday.  So everyone is getting  very concerned about his overall health and well being because he won’t eat.  He wouldn’t eat for us, he wouldn’t eat for the ER so we’re not sure what’s going to happen at this point. Throughout our journey over the past couple of months we’ve been in contact with the Humane Society to see what our options were for Chico. My daughter Jasmine talked to them and they said to bring him in and their vet would evaluate him and if they think he can be cured we could surrender him to them and they would utilize their resources to try to get him whatever he needs.  Once he's better  they will find a rescue or someone to adopt him who can care for all of his needs.  So that’s where we ended up.   The lady I spoke to at the Humane Society told me that I can call and check on him and she said if he doesn’t start to eat and the vet determines that there isn’t anything more they can do and they recommend putting him down then they would contact me and I can get his ashes. 

I cried for hours and I’m still very upset and the reason I’m writing about this is because I don’t know what people think about my journey that I’ve been on for the past year but honestly it doesn’t matter what people think. My perception is that some people think that I’m living this fairy tale fantasy life.  I have been so blessed in my life.  I have very few if any complaints but its not all a fairy tale.  I don’t want anyone to perceive this as I’m complaining because I’m not I’m just stating facts, well my facts, how I feel.  You know every day on this journey I’ve had to make tough choices.  One of the toughest choices is where I’m going to be, like literally where am I going to be has been a choice.  Almost daily.  Deciding where to be for holiday's, special family events and celebrations, birthdays, baby showers, Mother's Day. I’ve been spending a lot of time in the Dominican Republic which is where my husband is.  But being here means that I’m leaving behind everyone else that I love.  It’s been difficult, it’s been really difficult to strike a balance between my life with my kids and my family and my future which I believe is with my husband and that’s not to say that I have to pick one or the other but where things are now.  My husband can’t come to the US so I have to make choices all the time.  This situation with my dog.  Could things have been different if I were home  I don’t know maybe but I know in my heart that she did everything that she could for him.  I just want everyone to know that it’s not this fairy tale.  It’s tough choices.  I’ve had to really make some sacrifices.  My good friend Maria she tells me all the time that she doesn’t know how I’ve been able to do this  Life in America is very different than life here.  I’m used to my life in America, I’m used to hot water, hell I’m used to water in general whenever I want or need it. Water isn't always available here.  I'm used to air conditioning whenever I want it.  Along the way I’ve made decisions and I’ve talked about that you don’t know what you can put up with until you have to and some would argue that I don’t have to live this way but it’s a choice that I’ve made.  I don't know why God has placed me here but I know there's a reason it just hasn't been revealed to me yet.  I'm continuing to trust God and when the time is right everything will make sense and my purpose will be revealed.

Some of my favorite pictures of Chico are included in this post. 

A special Mothers Day post for my mom

Today May 13th 2018 is the day that we celebrate mothers in the United States.  I am not currently in the states.  I am in the Dominican Republic where mothers day is celebrated on May 30th.  So there won't be anything special happening here for me today.  I can't remember the last time that I wasn't with my mom on mother's day or able to see my children.  I think my mom and my children all think that I've forgotten about them or that not being there today doesn't affect me but they are wrong.  The truth is I did search for flights to see if I could make it home and surprise everyone but it just simply wasn't in my budget right now.  I'm dedicating this post to my mom, Patricia Lynn Gadsden because she is the best mom anyone could ever have.  We don't get to choose our mothers but if I had a choice I would still choose you mom.  I once sang a song to you, The Wind Beneath my Wings and you truly are that for me.  You are always there for me, no matter what and even if you don't agree with me we can still get along.  It's  because of you that I am not in jail right now for physically harming one of my children (It doesn't matter which one LOL).  I know you think that I don't always listen to you, but I do and I also watch you.  I've learned so many things from you over the years, too many to count or list here.


You might not believe or understand this but you're the reason I'm here now.  You've always encouraged me to go after the things I want so here I am.  Don't fret, I'm coming back.  This message isn't to let you know that I've decided to stay here or anything.  I know you'd be on the first thing smoking to come get me if I tried that LOL.  I know this past year has  been hard for you in so many ways and I haven't made it any easier being away so much.  Just know that as much as you miss me, just triple that and that's about half as much I miss you.  I miss our daily talks even though sometimes they are very brief.  I miss your random drop ins to use the bathroom at my house.  I miss our movie dates where you insist on bringing Mr Nate.  LOL.  I miss our brainstorming sessions when one of us, usually you has a great idea about something new.

I'm at a point in my life where I can really say that I've had a great life.  Sometimes as parents I think we think we could have done better for our children and if you've ever had that thought, I'm telling you now that my life was exactly what I needed.  Life is a series of lessons and I had some serious lessons to learn along the way, in fact I'm still learning every day.  If there is such as thing as the perfect mom you would definitely win that award.  You had just the right mixture of love, discipline, structure and fun. 

On  your 60th birthday I sang a non traditional song to you.  It's supposed to be a love song from a woman to a man but I think the words perfectly describe how I feel about you and what you've meant to me in my life.  Just replace the word baby with mommy and it will make sense LOL.
Here it is:
Because you loved me

Happy Mothers Day Mom
I love you

Dominican Housewife Chronicles - Glass half empty or half full

Hello everyone.  Since my last post I've been busy with the usual, cooking cleaning and washing clothes.  Each day I learn more about my husband and this culture here in the Dominican Republic which is very different than what I am accustomed to.  There are days where it's a breeze and then there are days where I'm constantly asking myself what in the world?  Trust me my husband asks himself the same question sometimes LOL.

This past week I had the pleasure of having a visit from a friend who lives in Pennsylvania who is married to a Dominican man.  I swear we didn't plan this LOL.  It's just an interesting coincidence.  Like me she's working her way through the process of getting her husband's visa so that he can come to the United States.  They have a place here in a town named Higuey which is about six hours away from Puerto Plata.  My husband and I had a great time showing them around the city of Puerto Plata. I thoroughly enjoyed having someone to talk English to or maybe it was more like Spanglish LOL.  We are both learning more and more Spanish so we tried to talk in Spanish as much as possible but many times we just had to resort to our English words.  I know if anyone who understood English was listening to us they would have been rolling on the floor laughing.  Many times our conversations started off in Spanish but when we didn't know the word we wanted in Spanish we just threw in the English word.  So trust me there were lots of laughs along the way.  Here is a picture of all of us together before they left on Sunday.

Some of the challenges I've face recently are how my husband and I perceive things differently hence the title glass half empty or half full.  I occurred to me the other day that of course I'm the spoiled American who is used to having things readily available to me and it's true.  For example there's just two of us, my husband and I living in this house.  Why do I have a mini panic attack is we have less than four rolls of toilet paper in the house?  I can't let us run out of anything or it's a major problem for me.  For my husband it's very different.  If we have any toilet paper at all in the house he's cool.  This difference in attitude doesn't cause problems with toilet paper, that was just an example.  It does cause problems with our drinking water supply and the propane gas that I use for cooking.

Let's tackle the drinking water first.  We keep two bottles on hand.  When the second bottle gets down to half which is approximately 2 1/2 gallons I get antsy.  I start telling my husband that we need water.  He looks at the water bottle and says, "Mucho aqua."  At this point I've given up arguing with him about it and I'm satisfied that I've made him aware that soon we will need water.  What I've learned is that he is not going to buy water until we are completely out of water.  I'm a survivor so after that halfway empty marker I start stock piling water.  I fill up as many of my cups with water as possible.  I also fill up the pitcher that I use to make his lemonade.  Of course my fear is that we will run out of water in the middle of the night when there's absolutely nowhere to buy it and I will die of thirst until the following morning.   I'm not sure if he's figured out yet why there are so many cups of water in the refrigerator and freezer LOL but once the jug is completely empty he will go  buy us water.  Once we are back to being fully stocked with water I can return to normal water usage and consumption.

The propane tank that is connected to the gas stove is a little more tricky for me.  I can't actually see when it's almost empty.  It does have a gauge on it but of course that thing stopped working a very long time ago.  I'm not accustomed to cooking on a gas stove but I'm learning that when the gas is low when the burners are on they sometimes make a popping sound.  About a week and a half ago I noticed my favorite burner  making some unusual noise.  My sister wife happened to be here and I asked her about it.  We go outside and she lifts the propane tank up and tells me that it's low on gas.  I can make it through the day cooking but by the next day I will run out of gas.  I finished cooking dinner for the day and when my husband came home from work I told him that we were going to need gas.  Of course he goes over to the stove and turns it on and there is gas.  He then walks outside and lifts up the tank and says that there is plenty of gas.  I know that there is gas in the tank right now but my fear is that I will be in the middle of cooking and it will run out and I won't be able to finish cooking.  I don't understand why he can't take the tank to fill it up even if it isn't completely empty.  He tells me that it's better this way to let it run completely out then go get more gas.  For the next few days I have anxiety every time I begin to cook.  I think to myself is this the meal that will be ruined because I run out of gas partway through the cooking process?  Fortunately it didn't happen for a few days.  My friend was coming to visit and I was cooking dinner and I worried the entire time that I would run out but I didn't.  One day my husband asked me to make him fried plantains for dinner.  The previous day I had made a beef roast in the crockpot but we didn't end up eating it because we had a BBQ instead here at the house.  My plan was to warm up the beef and the other side dishes I already had and then make his fried Plantains.  Well as I began warming up the side dishes lo and behold I ran out of gas.  I texted my husband to let him know that we were now officially out of gas.  I was able to finish warming the side dishes up in the microwave but you can't make fried plantains that way.  When he arrived he had a panicked look on his face as he walked in the door.  He had received my message and assumed the worse that there was no food to eat.  He was pleasantly surprised to find that there was food.  I resisted the urge to point out to him that if he had gotten the gas earlier, he would have had his fried plantains also.  There was no point in rubbing salt into that wound.

This gas thing seems to also apply to putting gas in the car.  I am accustomed to filling up my car when it gets low on gas.  It seems that filling up your car here is absurd.  I mean why would you do that when you can just stop by the gas station every time you need to drive somewhere?  Makes perfect sense right?  Well maybe it does since the price of gas here is so crazy.  Right now it cost almost $5 per gallon of regular gas.  The other day the tank was low but the gas light hasn't come on yet.  I put $40 worth of gas in the car which is a Toyota Camry by the way not a Hummer and that only took it to just slightly over half a tank.  Insane right?  I make every trip I make in the car count.  No useless trips in the car just because.  It's too expensive to go joy riding around here.

I've also finished my book, gone back through it at least three times and now it's off to the editor.  I'me very excited about it.  It's a memoir told straight from my personal journals about how I met my husband and became a Passport Wife.  In case you missed it in my last post here is the book cover again.