Crash

I titled this post crash because my two worlds came together this week and I was reminded of one of my favorite movies titled Crash.  It's a movie about race, class, family and gender in Los Angeles in the aftermath of 9/11.  Although the movie begins and ends with a vehicle collision I am happy to report that my week did not.  Which is somewhat hard to believe since everyone drives like maniacs in this county. My parents arrived as scheduled I picked them up at the airport, got them checked into their hotel and then I brought them to the house for dinner.  My sister in law cooked a very nice meal and everyone loved it.  My sister in law is a great cook.  She really needs to open a restaurant or something. My mom talked about that food for days LOL.  My parents were very happy with how their initial meeting went with their new son in law.  Everything went well and they both think he's a nice young man but they just wish that they could communicate with him more.  I knew the communication thing was going to be an issue and I tried to prep my mother to set her expectation.  I did have my Ipad available with google translate ready to use and they did use it to ask him a few questions and he was able to respond but it's just not the same as being able to sit down and have a conversation with someone.  My mom's first question was 'tell me about yourself''  Raulin just looked at me and made a face when he read the question LOL.  Once I explained to mom that she needed to be a little bit more specific things got better.  We passed the Ipad around and everyone was able to ask questions or say what they wanted to say.  I made one of my parents favorite desserts, ambrosia which was a little different that how I make it back home because I couldn't find cool whip anywhere in Puerto Plata so redi whip had to do.

Back to the movie Crash.  This week reminded me of the movie because my parents and I spent a lot of time this week discussing our varying views on life here in the Dominican Republic.  We debated what the word culture really means and if it's really possible for people to be happy living the way that most do here in this country.  I had to keep reminding myself that I've been immersed in this culture for a long time now so I'm a lot more used to things than they are this being their first visit.  It also opened my eyes to exactly how much I have assimilated into the culture because they pointed out several things that I hadn't even thought of or don't pay much attention to.  I also realize that my view is much different because I'm in love and we all know that love makes you do the strangest things at times.  My stepfather was quick to point out or shall I say remind me that if it weren't for my husband I wouldn't be here either.  Although that may be true I also feel that there is a reason for me to be here.  I feel that life is a series of lessons that we need to learn.  There is a lesson here for me, probably several lessons honestly.  I truly believe that I met my husband under these circumstances because it was necessary in order for me to learn the lessons that I needed to from this relationship.  If I had met my husband in the United States I'm pretty sure that we wouldn't be married right now.  In fact I would go so far as to say that we probably wouldn't even be together right now.  I'm somewhat of a control freak.  This quality has been one of the reasons so many of my relationships failed in the past.  I have a hard time letting go and allowing the man to be a man and lead.  Okay ladies don't get all bent out of shape because of that statement.  We may have to agree to disagree on this one but it is my belief that as the Bible states the man is supposed to be the head of the household.  That doesn't mean that he is to lord over his wife or that the wife is supposed to be submissive by any means.  I'm not making excuses for my bad behavior in the past but I think that I wasn't able to allow a man to be a man and lead me because I hadn't found one that I trusted or had enough confidence in to lead me.  That may be a part of my daddy issues because I didn't have a good relationship with my real father but that's another blog post.  So anyway I think it was important for me to meet my husband on his turf so to speak so that I would have no choice but to allow him to lead because I don't know the language or the culture.  I literally had to put my life in his hands as I came to this unknown country.  This dynamic has set the precedent that he has to lead and I have to trust in him enough to allow him to lead.  I believe this is building a solid foundation for our relationship.  Obviously when he moves to the United States with me this will be very different and I have no idea how he will handle the major culture shock  but I do know that the foundation that we've built here in the Dominican Republic will allow us to move forward with whatever challenges lie ahead because we have developed and built mutual trust and respect for each other.

If you haven't seen the movie Crash I highly recommend that you do.  The acting was in my opinion superb and the message was clear.  As humans we tend to respond to people or treat them a certain way based on their race or culture and our preconceived notions of how they are.  My parents visit brought me back to this movie and the message because of some of the assumptions that were made about the people here and their lives.  I made the statement that I've met some of the poorest people I've even know here but they were also the happiest people I've ever met.  My statement was challenged because the thought is that there is no way that someone could be  happy living here under these conditions.  So because they are poor, they cannot be happy?  If you've only ever known this way of life why is it not possible to be happy?  I don't have the answer to any of these questions, I don't think anyone does.  I cannot define another persons happiness.  I can tell you that my husband was born and raised here.  His family has always struggled but they made it work and he's very proud of his childhood and his life here in the Dominican Republic.  When we first met and starting dating he told me that he didn't want to leave here to go to the United States.  His preference was for me to come to live here with him.  When it became obvious to him that I was not willing or able to move to the Dominican Republic he made the decision to come to the United State with me.   I honestly think that we will eventually end up back in the Dominican Republic living full time but for now I'm not ready to leave my home in the United States.

We are now moving into uncharted territory in our relationship.  I have been here longer now than any prior visit.  This is the longest period of time that we have spent together since we met.  I mentioned this to my husband last night and he said "siempre hay una primera vez" Which translates in English to There is always a first time.  We've definitely settled into a rhythm now.  He goes to work in the morning and I have the staring role in the reality show the housewives of the Dominican Republic LOL.  Seriously next week I will delve a little more into my day to day life here.  For now I will close this post and I welcome your feedback and comments.  I want to remind everyone reading this that these are my thoughts and feelings.  I do not intend to offend anyone by anything I share here.