Dominican Housewife Chronicles (Believe)

This picture was taken in February of 2017.   This has always been one of my favorite pictures of us together.  Recently my husband shared with me that it was during this date when this picture was taken that he felt that he was starting to fall in love with me.  We got married in October 2017 three weeks shy of our one year anniversary.

This week had it challenges as I am still adjusting to married life in a foreign country with a man who doesn't speak English and I'm still learning Spanish.  As if marriage alone wasn't difficult enough to navigate when you add all of those other factors in it's no wonder I used the word challenges right?  LOL.  Although my husband and I do not speak each others language very well we've developed a unique way of communicating with each other while we are both working on learning the others language.  At this point my Spanish is much further along than his English but he's still working on it.  I think mine is much better because I've spent so much time here listening to Spanish all the time.

I titled this weeks post Believe because it's the title of one of my favorite songs and it's fitting based on my life right now.  At times I still wake up thinking that this was all a dream.  Whoever said that you will find love when you least expect it wasn't lying.  I was not looking for a husband, love or even a relationship when I met my husband.  Even though we couldn't communicate very well at all back then there was this connection between us from the very start.  OK enough with the warm and fuzzy stuff let's get into the real meat and potatoes of this thing.  I used the meat and potatoes metaphor because this week has been a series of communication and miscommunication about food.  In one of my previous posts I mentioned the issue with when he expects food to be ready each day well the saga continued this week but with a twist.  My husband who I think is pretty good shape has decided that hes getting too fat and he needs to go on a diet.  I'm not going to lie I was very annoyed at first because I've spent months learning how to cook Dominican food the way he likes it.  I'm finally comfortable in the kitchen and able to hold my own and now he's changing the script.  The one thing that we argued about awhile back was rice.  Well guess what ya'll?  Now that I can make a perfect pot of rice blind folded with my hands tied behind my back he's decided he doesn't want to eat rice anymore.  I was like really?  I love popcorn and usually have some at night as my snack after dinner and before bed.  Before I make it I ask him if he wants any so I know how much to make.  Last night I asked him if he wanted popcorn and he said no because he wasn't hungry.  Well check this out


That's him with his hand in the 2nd bowl of popcorn I made because he ate the first one.

I have to give a brief update on laundry this week.  I'm not going to lie ya'll I had to call for backup this week.  I called his niece who lives down the street to come and help me figure out where to hang the clothes to dry.  Well of course she came and just took over the entire clothes washing operation.  I was thankful for the help and with both of us we got it all done in about two hours.  I did end up having to go into the backyard to hang some of the clothes and of course while it was my turn to hang the clothes the clothes line decided to break (It was made of wood and the wood must have rotted).  I'm standing in the back yard yelling AYUADAME (HELP ME) in Spanish while trying to hold onto the clothes so they don't get dirty again.  I think next week I will be able to handle it myself I did learn a few tricks from her this week and I have a better idea of how to handle the drying process now.

Because it's such a challenge to communicate at times I think that sometimes my husband just decides it's easier not to and that leads to other problems.  For example the other morning I woke up around 6:15 to an empty house.  I remember feeling him getting out of bed and I assumed he was getting ready to go to work but when I heard the front door close and he hadn't come back into the bedroom to kiss me goodbye I knew something else was going on.  I get up and sure enough I see him driving off in the car.  I was instantly irritated.  A million thoughts and questions were going through my head.  I go back into the bedroom and I grab my cell phone and I send him a simple text that says Donde Estas (where are you)?  I investigate around the house and I determine that he hasn't gone to work early because his work clothes, shoes etc are still here.  So where could he be?  I attempt to lie back down but my mind is racing.  I'm getting angrier and angrier as each minute passes.  I'm on my cell phone checking the price for flights back home.  I'm mentally trying to determine if I can fit all of my things in the two large suitcases I have here with me.  About 45 minutes later my husband returns and once he realizes that I'm not asleep he comes into the room and I didn't have to say one word.  He could tell by the look on my face that I was not happy.  Obviously he hadn't checked his phone because as soon as he saw my face he reached into his pocket and looked at his phone.  He begins to explain in Spanish of course where he was, at the gym with his friend from work.  He signed up to join the gym because he's getting fat from my good cooking.  Ok ya'll I know that he threw that last part in there to soften my mood because I was on fire.  He showers and gets dressed for work and I'm still lying in the bed fuming but of course a little less angry because I have an explanation and he's okay.  Before he leaves for work he comes back into the room to give me a goodbye kiss and to assess my mood.  That's one thing I love about him he doesn't ever want me to be unhappy.  We will talk it out for as long as it takes until he feels that I'm happy.  There's no such thing as going to bed angry or leaving the house angry with us which is awesome.  We talk and I explain that I was upset because he didn't tell me he was leaving.  I didn't like waking up to him being gone and me not knowing where he was.   He said he understood and he apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again. Once he was satisfied that I was in a better mood, he left for work.  After he left for work I spent sometime with my feelings about the entire situation. While I was lying in the bed earlier wondering where my husband was and coming up with all types of scenarios I thought about my exit plan.  I'm ashamed to admit that but I did consider it and then it hit me that he's my husband, for better or for worse, no matter what.  This isn't just some casual relationship. It's not disposable.  It's until death do us part.  I grabbed my voice recorded the following thoughts:

Marriage is rough ya’ll.  You know if I’m being honest there have been a few times when I was like, what the heck was I thinking, why did I do this?  I want out.  I’m only three months in and there have been times when I thought that.  You know this is not my first marriage this is my third.  It occurred to me that if we treated marriage like motherhood or parenthood there would be a lot less divorces.  Because no matter how tired or irritated or frustrated you get with your children they are still your children and can’t leave them, you can’t divorce them.  So no matter how challenging marriage gets or frustrating you have to stay in there you gotta stick it out. You need to treat marriage like parenthood.  There will be ups and there will be downs.  There will be miscommunication.  There will be all kinds of things that you wish didn’t happen but at the end the  day just like with your children when you get through all of that other stuff you gotta get back to the love. You gotta get back to what made you want to be with this person.  What made you love them enough to stand before God and your friends or whatever the situation is and raise your hand up and take those vows.  That’s what you have to get back to all the time.  

I love pictures so when I need a reminder about why I'm here with him I go back and look at our pictures.  I also made a short video after we got married that I love and I often play it as a reminder of that day and how wonderful it was.  (I'm not sure if you will be able to view this video or not I've never attached a video here before.  Post a note in comments to let me know if you can see the video or not.)

Every day will not be a fairy tale like our wedding day.  In fact most days won't be a fairy tale but you have to press on through the tough stuff to get to the good stuff.