Dominican Housewife Chronicles - Sometimes we just have to wait

I'm back ya'll.  I had a great time in Pennsylvania but it is soooooo good to be back with my hubby and the warm climate.  I'm getting too old for the cold ya'll.  While I was gone my husband found a new house and moved two days before I returned.  I have to say I was very nervous about the move and all things considered he did a great job moving and getting the new house ready for me and my daughter.  I'll talk more about the new house a little later. 

So when I came back on Monday March 5th  my daughter Jennifer was with me.  I was really anxious about it  because my daughter hasn't really been happy about my relationship and marriage to my husband, for a whole bunch of reasons that I won't get into here, Ya'll going to have to read the book for more details on that (seriously stay tuned for Passport Wife coming later this year).   Everything turned out great while she was here for her visit.  As I thought about what I wanted to write about this week I thought about the fact that sometimes we just have to wait.  You know we want things always to be on our time.  When we want something we want it.  This even applies to those of us who pray.  We go to God and ask him for something and we get mad when we don't get it right away.  We have to realize that things are done not always on our time.This past year has been very difficult for me because as my relationship with my husband grew, mature and got deeper and stronger and eventually led to us getting married my relationship with my daughter began to deteriorate a bit.  So this was a really good week. I was so happy to see her smiling and laughing.  She made some new friends while she was here also.  When she left from the airport she actually gave my husband a hug.  Jenni doesn't just give out hugs to anybody so that was huge.  The night before she left she told me that she can actually see that he does love me.  So right now I think we are in a good place.  I am so happy because I honestly never thought we'd get here.  That's why I said that sometimes we just need to wait on things and not give up.  For example today was a rough day for me.  I was here at the house all by myself and today is actually the first day that I've been here by myself since I got back.  I did my usual chores, washed clothes, cooked dinner and I felt myself getting irritated because my husband didn't get home right after four as I expected..  I sat in that irritated space for awhile, thinking about where he was and why he didn't tell where he was and all kinds of crazy things. When he finally did get home.  I didn't have a chance to get angry or say anything to him about how I felt because when he came in he immediately let me know that he had been taking care of the issue with the electricity so that my air conditioning can be installed.  Since the move last weekend my air conditioning hasn't been installed.  It was fine up until yesterday because it really hasn't been that hot.  Yesterday it got up to 90 degrees and I was ready for some air conditioning.  I could have acted a fool and did all kinds of crazy stuff but he was actually out taking care of that so he got a pass and I need to learn to be more patient.  I still don't have my air conditioning installed though, but I'm patiently waiting :-)

Back to the new house, it's nice but there are a few things that I don’t like.  I’m torn between the kitchen being too small and the intermittent water issues being the most irritating for me right now.  The kitchen is really small but I am figuring it out.  The water thing is very annoying.  We are back to sharing water with the house next door and there have been a couple of times where we didn't have water or the water pressure is very low.  But his car port for the car is awesome, which I guess is all that matters since that is what this move was about.  It is really nice carport and the front porch is also nice although right now it’s home to my air conditioning unit which has yet to be installed.  One big plus with this house is that we have electricity 24/7 so no more scheduling the use of the crock pot or microwave.   It’s also nice to always have the fridge on so hopefully food will keep longer now.  The outside laundry area is nice and there’s ample space to hang clothes without me having to step in grass.  We have two bedrooms and two bathrooms now.  Each bedroom has it’s own bathroom which is nice however the 2^nd bathroom’s toilet has been leaking but we are working with the owner to resolve that issue as well as the issue with not having any water.  This house is older or at least it hasn’t been upgraded like the old house but again I think overall it was a good move.  The neighborhood seems very quiet, except for the Dominican house party yesterday where the neighbors blasted their music for several hours.  Oh and there was the karaoke concert one morning last week also that woke both Jennifer and I up.    Our house is next to an empty lot but for the most part it’s much cleaner here also.  There’s still some trash but nothing like the old house.  There are stray dogs but not as many but we do seem to have a cat.  The cat has walked into our house uninvited twice now and it stands outside the side door meowing in the morning.  I'm pretty sure that it belonged to whoever lived here before us and the poor thing is trying to figure out what is going on.  I'm sorry cat lovers but I don't do cats.  I'm actually allergic to them so I will not be taking over the car of this cat.

I'm back to my usual housewife duties but I'm also putting the finishing touches on my next novel, Passport Wife which I plan to release later this year.  Here's a pic of the front of the new house and the wonderful car port for the car.  Did I mention that this move was all about having a carport for the car?  LOL.

Stay tuned until next week.  I'll have more for you all on the new house and neighborhood. 

No matter where I am, I'm missing someone that I love

I left the Dominican Republic on Friday Feb 9^th to return home for a few weeks.  I’d been gone almost two months and there were many things I needed to attend to, taxes, doctor appointments, mail (OMG you should have seen the piles of mail that were here waiting for me).  As soon as that cold air hit me when I got off the plane I wondered to myself what were you thinking returning to Pennsylvania in February?  The actual temperature difference is obvious, and I expected the cold.  What I wasn’t prepared for was the effect that the gray, overcast skies would have on me.  Of course, I was sad to leave my husband but the combination of the cold and the gray skies caused me to really fall into a funk.  No matter where I am, Dominican Republic or Pennsylvania I’m missing someone who is very special to me. 

So, I’m home and I have all the things available to me that used to be so important to me.  I have my dishwasher, hot water, electricity 24/7 and my Swiffer just to name a few.  Here’s the funny thing.  I hand washed dishes most of the time instead of using the dishwasher.  I didn’t reach for my fancy egg separator I just did it manually.  I did attempt to cook a few times, but I quickly became annoyed because here I have an electric stove and I had become accustomed to cooking on gas stove.  Now I must admit I really enjoyed my hot water and many hot showers and long soaks in the tub.  I love to take baths and there is no bathtub in the Dominican Republic.  I also really enjoyed my Swiffer, so much so that I brought one to take back with me to the Dominican Republic.  My friends and family do not understand how I can give up all the conveniences of life here in the United States to live in the Dominican Republic.  It’s easy to say and harder to do but I assure you that all those things you are accustomed to are not necessities and you do adapt.  Take it from me, the woman who does not handle change well at all. If I could do it most of you could as well if you had to or wanted to.  Okay so that’s the point.  I didn’t have to make these changes or sacrifices but I choose to.

Although I have been busy most days while I’ve been here I have gotten some quiet time alone in the evenings to think, reflect on some of my prior blog posts and write. I’ve been blogging about my experiences with learning the new culture, how to cook,  and how to wash clothes.    For this blog post I decided to focus more on my relationships with my husband and those in my inner circle.  I was inspired to do this because of everything that is happening around me and all of us in the world right now.  Too much negativity, racism, and violence.  The senseless violence continues with more school shootings, murders, sexual harassment claims, you name it.  I have a variety of connections on social media.  Some that I grew up with, some from work, others from the book industry, fellow authors etc.  The point is that all of those unique relationships come together on social media and sometimes it creates the perfect storm.  I've been saddened by some of the online arguments I've seen recently.  We spend so much time arguing with everyone these days.  I wanted to focus on love. 

I’ve mentioned before that communication between my husband and I is at times very challenging since we are both still learning the others language.  There is also a 16-year age difference.  The age difference and the fact that he’s from the Dominican Republic has painted a very negative picture for many people in my circle about my husband.  Many of my friends and family have been concerned that my husband is only with me for money or to get his green card.  We’ve been together now for 15 months and we’ve been married for almost 4 months.  I’m sharing all of this with you all because it’s important because I want to focus on how I’ve allowed the thoughts of others to negatively influence my relationship with my husband. 

I got to spend some quality time with my BFF over the past few weeks.  We had a heart to heart conversation. She’s been my biggest supporter throughout this entire journey, but I now realize that she too has had some concerns along the way.  I asked her why she hadn’t been honest with me before and she said because I am happy.  She said it’s not her place to ruin my happiness.  I don’t have a large circle of friends but the ones I have are awesome.  I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything.  Although it was shocking to hear some of her true feelings it was also encouraging to hear this woman who has known me for almost thirty years who has been with me through some of my toughest days in my life telling me that she can see my happiness now.  

It’s human nature to have doubts and questions at times.  Especially if you’ve been through as many bad relationships as I have over the years.   I’m not saying that they were all bad because I think they were all necessary for me to learn lessons that I needed to learn.  In some cases, I wish those lessons weren’t so painful but that’s life.  Those prior relationships weren’t all bad because of the other person either.  I fully accept my part in those failed marriages and relationships.  Before I met my husband, I swore that I would never get married again.  I honestly cannot tell you how or why I changed and decided to marry him, but I can tell you that I am in this for the long haul.  Even though we struggle with when to eat together, what to eat or how to dry the clothes.  At the end of each day I still smile and have love in my heart for him.  After having been with him everyday for so long over the past two months being away from him now is unbearable.  Everywhere I go this week I’m seeing subtle reminders that although I feel somewhat silly, irresponsible or reckless for how I am living my life right now.  Life is short, it’s not just about work, or money and the things you can buy or obtain.  The things you can see and feel.  It’s mostly about the things you cannot see.  My devotion today came from 1 Corinthians 13:7 and it said,

“Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.”

I needed this reminder today because I tend to be a little impatient at times.  In the past I have been too quick to give up hope.

It breaks it down even further by saying this:

“Love never stops being patient.” That means love extends grace.  You need to offer grace to others.

“Love never stops believing.” That means it expresses faith.  You tell someone, “even though we’re having a tough time, I will never stop believing in you.”

“Love never stops hoping.” That means love expects the best.  Are you expecting the best in your marriage, or have you settled for less than the best?

“Love never gives up.” That means love endures the worst. It means you can look at the other person and say, “You can throw everything at me, but I’m going to keep on loving you, no matter what.”

This is how God loves us all.  God never loses his patience with us as we often lose patience with each other.  God never stops believing in us as we often stop believing in ourselves or those closest to us.  God never stops hoping for the best for us in our lives.  He never gives up on us.  This is what God wants us to do with everyone else.  Why is it that we so often hurt those the closest to us the most? 

The best part of my visit here this time was the outpouring of love that I received from everyone.  I have had more breakfast, lunch and dinner dates in the past 21 days than I’ve had in the prior six months.  I am so tired of eating out at restaurants. I cannot wait to get back to cooking for and arguing with my husband about dinner LOL.  I have also been very pleasantly surprised by the response you all have given me about this blog.  Several people have reached out to me because I haven’t posted since I’ve been home.  It’s been busy scheduling time with all my friends and family and getting all my personal business done in such a short period of time.  Now I only have two more days here before I head back for an undetermined amount of time and the closer it gets to my departure the busier I am.  When I get back I will continue with my weekly blog post as well as put the finishing touches on my book that I plan to release later this year.

When I return to the Dominican Republic next week I will be going to a new house, yes that's right while I've been gone my husband found a new place and he's moving two days before I return.  This is going to be good ya'll.

Stay tuned.