No matter where I am, I'm missing someone that I love

I left the Dominican Republic on Friday Feb 9^th to return home for a few weeks.  I’d been gone almost two months and there were many things I needed to attend to, taxes, doctor appointments, mail (OMG you should have seen the piles of mail that were here waiting for me).  As soon as that cold air hit me when I got off the plane I wondered to myself what were you thinking returning to Pennsylvania in February?  The actual temperature difference is obvious, and I expected the cold.  What I wasn’t prepared for was the effect that the gray, overcast skies would have on me.  Of course, I was sad to leave my husband but the combination of the cold and the gray skies caused me to really fall into a funk.  No matter where I am, Dominican Republic or Pennsylvania I’m missing someone who is very special to me. 

So, I’m home and I have all the things available to me that used to be so important to me.  I have my dishwasher, hot water, electricity 24/7 and my Swiffer just to name a few.  Here’s the funny thing.  I hand washed dishes most of the time instead of using the dishwasher.  I didn’t reach for my fancy egg separator I just did it manually.  I did attempt to cook a few times, but I quickly became annoyed because here I have an electric stove and I had become accustomed to cooking on gas stove.  Now I must admit I really enjoyed my hot water and many hot showers and long soaks in the tub.  I love to take baths and there is no bathtub in the Dominican Republic.  I also really enjoyed my Swiffer, so much so that I brought one to take back with me to the Dominican Republic.  My friends and family do not understand how I can give up all the conveniences of life here in the United States to live in the Dominican Republic.  It’s easy to say and harder to do but I assure you that all those things you are accustomed to are not necessities and you do adapt.  Take it from me, the woman who does not handle change well at all. If I could do it most of you could as well if you had to or wanted to.  Okay so that’s the point.  I didn’t have to make these changes or sacrifices but I choose to.

Although I have been busy most days while I’ve been here I have gotten some quiet time alone in the evenings to think, reflect on some of my prior blog posts and write. I’ve been blogging about my experiences with learning the new culture, how to cook,  and how to wash clothes.    For this blog post I decided to focus more on my relationships with my husband and those in my inner circle.  I was inspired to do this because of everything that is happening around me and all of us in the world right now.  Too much negativity, racism, and violence.  The senseless violence continues with more school shootings, murders, sexual harassment claims, you name it.  I have a variety of connections on social media.  Some that I grew up with, some from work, others from the book industry, fellow authors etc.  The point is that all of those unique relationships come together on social media and sometimes it creates the perfect storm.  I've been saddened by some of the online arguments I've seen recently.  We spend so much time arguing with everyone these days.  I wanted to focus on love. 

I’ve mentioned before that communication between my husband and I is at times very challenging since we are both still learning the others language.  There is also a 16-year age difference.  The age difference and the fact that he’s from the Dominican Republic has painted a very negative picture for many people in my circle about my husband.  Many of my friends and family have been concerned that my husband is only with me for money or to get his green card.  We’ve been together now for 15 months and we’ve been married for almost 4 months.  I’m sharing all of this with you all because it’s important because I want to focus on how I’ve allowed the thoughts of others to negatively influence my relationship with my husband. 

I got to spend some quality time with my BFF over the past few weeks.  We had a heart to heart conversation. She’s been my biggest supporter throughout this entire journey, but I now realize that she too has had some concerns along the way.  I asked her why she hadn’t been honest with me before and she said because I am happy.  She said it’s not her place to ruin my happiness.  I don’t have a large circle of friends but the ones I have are awesome.  I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything.  Although it was shocking to hear some of her true feelings it was also encouraging to hear this woman who has known me for almost thirty years who has been with me through some of my toughest days in my life telling me that she can see my happiness now.  

It’s human nature to have doubts and questions at times.  Especially if you’ve been through as many bad relationships as I have over the years.   I’m not saying that they were all bad because I think they were all necessary for me to learn lessons that I needed to learn.  In some cases, I wish those lessons weren’t so painful but that’s life.  Those prior relationships weren’t all bad because of the other person either.  I fully accept my part in those failed marriages and relationships.  Before I met my husband, I swore that I would never get married again.  I honestly cannot tell you how or why I changed and decided to marry him, but I can tell you that I am in this for the long haul.  Even though we struggle with when to eat together, what to eat or how to dry the clothes.  At the end of each day I still smile and have love in my heart for him.  After having been with him everyday for so long over the past two months being away from him now is unbearable.  Everywhere I go this week I’m seeing subtle reminders that although I feel somewhat silly, irresponsible or reckless for how I am living my life right now.  Life is short, it’s not just about work, or money and the things you can buy or obtain.  The things you can see and feel.  It’s mostly about the things you cannot see.  My devotion today came from 1 Corinthians 13:7 and it said,

“Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.”

I needed this reminder today because I tend to be a little impatient at times.  In the past I have been too quick to give up hope.

It breaks it down even further by saying this:

“Love never stops being patient.” That means love extends grace.  You need to offer grace to others.

“Love never stops believing.” That means it expresses faith.  You tell someone, “even though we’re having a tough time, I will never stop believing in you.”

“Love never stops hoping.” That means love expects the best.  Are you expecting the best in your marriage, or have you settled for less than the best?

“Love never gives up.” That means love endures the worst. It means you can look at the other person and say, “You can throw everything at me, but I’m going to keep on loving you, no matter what.”

This is how God loves us all.  God never loses his patience with us as we often lose patience with each other.  God never stops believing in us as we often stop believing in ourselves or those closest to us.  God never stops hoping for the best for us in our lives.  He never gives up on us.  This is what God wants us to do with everyone else.  Why is it that we so often hurt those the closest to us the most? 

The best part of my visit here this time was the outpouring of love that I received from everyone.  I have had more breakfast, lunch and dinner dates in the past 21 days than I’ve had in the prior six months.  I am so tired of eating out at restaurants. I cannot wait to get back to cooking for and arguing with my husband about dinner LOL.  I have also been very pleasantly surprised by the response you all have given me about this blog.  Several people have reached out to me because I haven’t posted since I’ve been home.  It’s been busy scheduling time with all my friends and family and getting all my personal business done in such a short period of time.  Now I only have two more days here before I head back for an undetermined amount of time and the closer it gets to my departure the busier I am.  When I get back I will continue with my weekly blog post as well as put the finishing touches on my book that I plan to release later this year.

When I return to the Dominican Republic next week I will be going to a new house, yes that's right while I've been gone my husband found a new place and he's moving two days before I return.  This is going to be good ya'll.

Stay tuned.