I can't breathe

I can't unsee the image of an unarmed man (black) literally being kneed to death (suffocated) by a police officer (white). As a mother of a young black man the grandmother of three young black male children my heart is so heavy. For me it is not just about a black versus white thing it is a human versus human thing however I am a black woman and I love and care for several black men and I can't breathe. 

I know personally how it feels to worry about your child coming home at night because they are constantly being targeted by law enforcement simply for driving while black. When my son who is now in his 30's was a teenager he was employed and he drove to and from work alone and at least once a week as he was driving back home from work in the evening he would be stopped by local law enforcement. My son was often asked where are you going? Where are you coming from? Why are you in this neighborhood? The neighborhood that he lived in.  My son was a young black man, a teenager driving a car in a Suburban Pennsylvania neighborhood and he was stopped repeatedly. He was not speeding, he was not driving erratically, his taillights were not out, he was not disobeying any laws other than the laws of the policeman who felt he was out of place.

I can't breathe when I think about all of the young men (black) who face the same type racist driven treatment, emotional and physical brutality from law enforcement across this country.

I can't breathe when I think about all of the mothers who have buried their children who have died at the hands of law enforcement in this country.

I can't breathe when I think about all of the other mothers who are raising young black men who now worry every single moment that their children are not in their sight because of incidences like we have seen time and time again. An unarmed man (black) has been brutalized at the hands of law enforcement (white) in this country that so many people call the land of the free. I guess it is only free to those who do not look like me.

I can't breathe when the response from so many who don't look like me is but what did he do? Does it really matter what he did? The man lay helpless, handcuffed, detained unable to breathe crying out for his mother.

I can't breathe he said repeatedly. Does it matter what happened before? If he had not been a black man would anyone even question what he did before the video started rolling? If he had not been a black man would he have even been lying on the ground knee on his neck being detained?

I can't breathe.

I can't sleep.

I can't believe this is where we are in 2020 in a country where we are raised to believe that we are the land of the free. We are the land of opportunity. If you look like me this does not apply.

I simply cannot breathe.

Intellectual Humility

It has been a few weeks since I posted anything and I wasn't really sure what I wanted to cover in this post until a few days ago.  I had the opportunity to participate in two separate interviews last week. 

One was with Ella Curry and her Ban Radio show.  I was one of her guest on her Mind Your Business Crown holders master class.  I talked about my Connecting the Dots Life Coaching business.  During the interview I touched on several concepts that were covered during my training last year but there was one in particular that stood out as something that more people need to be aware of in our current climate.  I'm not a political person so this isn't really about politics at all.  It is about how hard it is getting for me to remain positive about things with so much negativity everywhere. At times I barely recognize this world that I am living in.  So much greed and hate.  Where is the love and compassion?  I choose this quote and photo because it is one of my favorites and it is also very true.  How many times have you struggled to remember exactly what someone said to you but you could remember how it made you feel?

I decided to talk about Intellectual Humility.  The idea or concept of Intellectual Humility has been around for quite some time, however in my life coaching training manual it quotes Dr. Elizabeth Mancuso, Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University, who talks about being humble about your ideas, beliefs and thoughts.  She referred to it as Intellectual Humility.

She goes on to explain that "Intellectual Humility has four particular behaviors and attitudes:

1) Not being overconfident about your knowledge and beliefs,

2) Being open to adjusting and revising your knowledge and beliefs when necessary,

3) Being respectful of the view points of others, and

4) Not being defensive when others have a different perspective than yours."

I understand that not everyone thinks the same way that I do and I believe that I allow others to express their views freely without arguing or making them feel that their opinions do not matter.  Everyone is a bit on edge right now and I get it.  We have all been isolated in our homes for the last two months.  Frustrations and emotions are running high.  People want OUT of their houses, they want things to be the way they were.  Some consider many things that we are being asked to do unfair.  Throw into the mix the tense political climate due to the upcoming election and you have the perfect storm for conflict. 

I have lived long enough to know that there will always be conflict and people will disagree.  I guess what I am trying to say is that things appear to be getting worse.  People are no longer able to just agree to disagree and leave it at that.  Why does someone have to be wrong and the other person is right?  What happened to the golden rule?  Treat others as you would like to be treated?

Imagine how things could be if we practiced a little more intellectual humility?  Will this solve all the problems of the world?  Absolutely not BUT it certainly couldn't hurt.  The respect that you want from others starts with you giving it to others, or better yet respecting yourself first. 

Google Intellectual Humility and  you will find a lot of information and quotes from different people about what it means.  In a nutshell it is about the four items mentioned above and maybe interacting with one another with a little more compassion and love.   

The second interview I had last week was with The Voice 17104 Harrisburg PA, The Nathaniel Gadsden.  The show was centered around international travel and cross-cultural relationships.  I was able to share information about my travel and living experiences in the Dominican Republic.  I thoroughly enjoyed participating in the show and sharing information about my experiences which are also covered in my memoir titled Passport Wife.  You can check out all of my books here on my website www.AuthorTerriD.com

My husband is also on lock down in the Dominican Republic and things have been closed so as of now there is not an update on his visa but we are both remaining prayerful that once things open up again the process will continue and he will be able to join me here in the United States. Until then this is how we will be together.

May 2020 Changes are coming

Like the expression goes April showers bring May flowers,

many people will be blooming like flowers this month as restrictions are gradually lifted.  Just like everyone processed the stay at home orders differently everyone will handle the restrictions being lifted in their own way.  Some will be running from their homes with joy while others may be a bit more tentative about leaving the comfort and safety of their homes. I'm more than likely going to be in the later category.  Due to several underlying health issues I need to remain very cautious, therefore my reentry into society, even with social distancing guidelines will be a bit slower.

In these unprecedented times we all have to process and make decisions that are best for us and what we feel comfortable with.  Most of all we must practice compassion and patience with ourselves and each other.  Remember that everyone doesn't think or process things the same way you do.  Other people are allowed to have their own opinions and it doesn't have to cause a fight.  It really is okay to agree to disagree.

This pandemic has taught us so many things.  We've learned how to handle many things virtually, we've been working, home schooling, virtual doctor appointments, socializing and learning how to be creative and have fun in new ways.  Over the past 7 weeks I have seen so many creative ideas, virtual game nights, dance parties, new fun challenges one of my personal favorites was the Don't Rush challenge.  Many people making masks and finding other ways to help others during this time where many people's lives and livelihoods have been disrupted.  Many have taken this time to relax, recharge and reset.  Whatever path  you choose it was probably exactly what you needed.  For those who are essential workers and especially healthcare workers who've had to continue working even under extremely stressful conditions I applaud you and thank you for all you've done and will continue to do.

As for me, I was somewhere in the middle.  There have been days over the past seven weeks where I've been very productive and there have been days where I felt like I could barely get out of bed.  A few things that I've realized about myself during this time are:

1) I have way too many pajamas and I don't know why so many of them are grey, my favorite color is blue.
2) I'm beginning to understand how hermits survive.  I'm discovering new ways to not leave the house everyday.
3) Why am I so much more productive here at home?  There are so many distractions but yet I'm getting things done.
4) There are pros and cons to living alone during a pandemic.  I think that I personally experienced all of the emotions associated with them at some point over the past seven weeks.

One of my greatest accomplishments during this time has been the release of my latest book titled Journaling for Self-Care for Young Adults.  Available on Amazon (Link  below)

Journaling for Self-Care

I have kept journals since I was a teenager.  It's one of the ways I process my thoughts and feelings.  Although this book was released at a time when many people need help dealing with their emotions it wasn't planned this way.  This content was created for a workshop on how to journal I was scheduled to do at my high school Alma mater on May 1st, but of course it got cancelled.  The book is a great tool for those who need a little help working through their thoughts, feelings and even to set goals for the future.

The affects of this pandemic are far from over and for many their lives have been forever changed.  Remember to practice patience and compassion with yourself and others.

Blessings to all

Terri