Acceptance

Greetings everyone.  I made it to the Dominican Republic and to my hubby safely and now I’m back home.   Trust me it was a very difficult decision but I decided to be an adult and come back to my job.  Why does the time pass so quickly when you’re on vacation but at work an hour takes days?  LOL.  Here's our first picture together. Check out those smiles.

Being away from my husband for over four months was difficult for me.  I was so focused on how bad I felt that I missed that it’s also very difficult for him.  All of the loneliness I feel being here in my house alone he feels the same thing there.  It’s probably worse for him because there are things around the house there that remind him of me.  It’s different for me because he’s never been in my house.  I realized that I was putting so much pressure on him to communicate with me when we’re apart but he feels like I don’t check on him enough.  He’s right I’m always waiting for him to text or call me.  That’s an old habit from my grandmother.  She always told me that a man should call a woman.  Also that the way to know if I man is thinking about you is if he’s calling you.  I do agree with those points to a certain extent but we’re way past courtship and dating at this point.  We’re in a committed relationship and as much as I want and need to know that my husband is thinking about me and missing me, he needs the same from me. 

I can’t put into words how good it was to see him after so much time.  Yes we video chat on a regular basis but that is NO replacement for seeing him in the flesh.  Of course I’m biased but when I first laid eyes on him at the airport I was like “Wow, how could he have gotten anymore sexy.”  Okay ya’ll stop rolling your eyes LOL.  He did look good though for real.  Hubby and I just click like I keep harping on how much time has passed since we’ve been together but when we’re reunited it’s like we never missed a beat.  He knows me and what I need and like and I do the same for him.  Please do not think that we never experience conflict because we do but we have a good sense of each other and knowing when to bend and when to stand firm with each other.  This is something I didn’t have in any of my prior relationships.  I cherish this with my husband because it’s so important to know how and when to pick your battles.  There will always be conflict but how you resolve it is the key. 

Speaking of conflict ladies in case you wondered how long it takes for your husband to completely forget all of the things you taught (I started to use the word trained but that seemed harsh and I didn’t want to offend anyone) him it’s somewhere between  zero days because he never really learned in the first place and 4 months.  The house wasn’t a total disaster,  he had made an effort to tidy things up but nothing and I mean absolutely nothing was anywhere close to where I left it.  Now here’s where I realize that I have grown a little bit.  The old me would have snapped and set out to put everything back the way she wanted it.  The new and improved me noticed it all BUT decided that 1) if he’s comfortable with it then it’s fine and 2) I’m only here for a week so there’s no sense in wasting my time when it’s going to end up back the same way.  It’s my vacation and time with my hubby.  I decided not to spend it worrying about things that really don’t matter.   I planned this visit so I could spend my birthday with hubby and he did not disappoint.  We spent the day together at my favorite resort poolside and then he organized a little barbecue for me that night.  It was really nice.  

I titled this post acceptance because I feel that’s what we both came away with from this visit.  We have both been struggling with how to deal with our current situation.  Having to live apart while we continue to fight for his visa.  During my visit we both met with the attorney who we hired to help us obtain the necessary documents for the embassy.  Going into that  meeting we both had different expectations but afterward I felt that we were finally on the same page and although we weren’t happy about what we heard we reached a point of acceptance.  We spent hours later that night talking about our relationship and how to make this time apart work for us in the long run.  Decisions and plans were made and I feel that we both feel more at peace now.  Personally I needed this trip to help me realize many things.  I’ve been what I’ll call in the valley for several months now.  During this trip I realized that this valley has had it’s purpose.  God’s timing is always perfect and I need this time right now to prepare for my next chapter.  I’ve been so consumed with this process and somewhere along the way I lost sight of me as an individual and my goals.  Having this time apart will allow me to focus a little more on those for a while.  Over the past few months I’ve let things go in my life that we’re very good for me.  One of them is drinking soda.  I was addicted to soda and one day I just stopped and I haven’t gone back.  So next up is removing myself from this valley.  I’ve been in this valley for way too long feeling sorry for myself, feeling envious of others and a whole host of other negative emotions.  The  bottom line is this, 1) I’ve lived a great life 2) What’s for me is mine, I can’t live anyone else’s life I have to live mine.  I truly believe that everything happens for a reason so maybe this valley has been about accepting my reality and focusing on the journey up and out of this valley. So that’s the plan.  My husband has also been in his own valley and he has to find his way out of his as well.  As individuals we have things to work on and as a couple we agree to continue to provide endless support to one another.

Leaving is always tough and my husband doesn’t handle it well at all.  Typically the day before I leave he becomes somewhat distant.  He will literally find any excuse to be away from me.  At first I was always so hurt and offended by his behavior but now I know that it’s just how he copes with difficult things.  When I feel him pulling away I just let him go, I don't fight it.  He cannot stand to see me cry so I’ve learned how to hold back the tears until after we part ways at the airport.  I had gotten pretty good at the  no crying thing but leaving this time was really tough.  We both know it's possible it could be several months before we see each other again.  The one thing I can always count on is him sending me a text message when he gets back to the house telling me how much he misses me or how sad he was going back to the house without me.  He always tells me that he can still smell me in the house and I smile because before I leave I always spray my favorite scent all around the house and especially on his pillow 

A few people have asked me how long will I be able to keep this up.  Honestly I have no idea since I hadn't planned any of this but I do know that anything worth having takes work.  My marriage is worth the work.  We didn't agree to for better or even better.  We agreed to for better or for worse.  

That's all for now.  Keep us in your positive thoughts and prayers because we all know how powerful prayer can  be.  Until next time my friends be blessed.