4402 My Christmas Eve Story

 

My Christmas story starts from my earliest memories as a child.  I had no idea then how impactful and significant those memories would be. My fondest memories are of the many years I spent at 4402 (picture enclosed) with my family. 

We all gathered at my Nana and GDaddy’s house every year on Christmas Eve. If I close my eyes and concentrate, I can smell the wood burning in the fireplace.  I can hear the music playing, Nat King Cole or my personal favorite Charlie Brown’s Christmas.

As a young child I remember Christmas Eve being the only night that I wanted to go to bed early. I couldn’t wait to wake up to see what Santa would bring. The year when Cabbage Patch kids were in high demand.  It was at the top of my list. My mother warned me that there were so many little girls like me who wanted one that Santa may not be able to bring one for everyone. As I fell off to sleep, I recall thinking that only the lucky ones would get a doll. Imagine how special I felt when I woke up the next morning to find my very own Cabbage Patch doll (Thanks Santa Auntie Donna)

I was an only child until my late teens when my two younger sisters joined us.  I was old enough to participate in the after-hours Christmas Eve activities.  After the little ones were put to sleep the adults would stay up for hours.  We would wrap gifts, assemble, and play with the toys, listen to music, laugh, and have a good time.  One year it was about 3 am and my grandmother asked if anyone was hungry.  Of course we all said yes, and she went upstairs and made her famous waffles.  Christmas breakfast was probably my second favorite tradition. My uncle always tried to eat more than anyone else even.  He really can eat a lot of food at one time LOL. My grandmother made the best scrambled eggs and biscuits.  For many years, my son has tried to replicate nana’s scrambled eggs. He’s come close but it’s still missing a little something special.  

When my kids were young, they too were brought up with the 4402 Christmas tradition.  At the time I recall feeling so tired and exhausted each year.  Packing up the kids and all of their gifts and driving two hours to Nana’s house seemed like such a chore. Now that we’ve been without that tradition for 16 years now what I wouldn’t give for that experience just one more time. You know that’s the problem we often miss the special things when they are happening.  Later when it’s just a memory we realize how important and special it was.

After my grandparents died and the house was sold things have never been quite the same. We rarely get together with the entire family anymore.  The PA folks don’t usually see the MD folks.  Even here in PA we don’t all gather together on Christmas Eve like we’d done in years past. For many years after 4402 I started having a Christmas Eve gathering but it’s been several years since I’ve done that for a number of reasons. We’ve outgrown the tradition of everyone gathering at one house. We literally couldn’t all fit in anyone’s house the way we used to. We’ve all branched off and started to do our own things, trying to start new traditions.  

This year my daughters and my grands came over and are staying the night.  Well it has been quite the adventure. Four Grandchildren with three under the age of 4 is a lot. All of the grands had on matching pajama tops.

They baked cookies and little tree cakes with mommy and auntie. It’s a little before midnight and they are all tucked in their beds and this MiMi will soon be joining them.

Merry Christmas everyone

The Reason

 

372 days ago is when this picture was taken.  It is also the number of days since the last time I saw my husband in person. My plans for 2020 like most people were interrupted by the pandemic.  2020 is being referred to as the worst year ever for most people. Although I agree that things did not exactly go according to my plan, I was able to make a few things happen this year. I published 3 journals, 1 novel and 1 poetry anthology. I was also able to begin working with a couple of clients as a life coach. I have done a handful of workshops about journaling and healthy relationships. I have no idea how, but I was also able to work full time, for most of the year and also help with my family’s business while also taking online classes in the spring and fall.  Somehow, I was even able to get straight A’s.  I titled this post The Reason because as I have navigated my way through this very difficult and challenging year, I have at many points along the way taken the time to stop and remember that everything happens or doesn’t for a reason.

A few people have asked me how I do it, being apart from my husband for such long periods of time.  My response is, I don’t want to do it but since I have no choice, I just do it. It has taken me a very long time to realize or shall I say accept that things happen in God’s time not mine. I choose to focus on all the things I have been able to do and are still able to do versus focusing on what I can't do.  Yes, I miss my husband like crazy but we’re both still here, alive, in good health and in love and that is a blessing. It is very difficult living alone at times, but I can still remember when I was living alone without a husband to call and talk to.  Despite not being able to see him in the flesh I can still say that some of my best times are when we are video chatting or texting each other. He is still the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person I talk to at night before bed.

I know there is a reason why we are apart right now. Just like there is a reason why one of my college courses this year was about intimate relationships and I have a completely new understanding and appreciation for my relationship with my husband. While many people have struggled with learning how to live with those in their households this year. My husband and I have been learning how to live without each other, while still loving each other and remaining prayerful and positive. My grandmother used to tell me that anything worth having takes work.  All marriages are work but this one has been double shifts and overtime work. For those of you wondering if I could go back and make a different decision.  The answer is absolutely not.  I would have still said yes.  Maybe some other decisions that I made along the way would have been different but not marrying my husband is not one that I would change. Marrying him has changed me.  I think for the better, but some may feel different. Marrying him has humbled me.  Made me see things very differently and appreciate things so much more.  I think for many people this year has taught us to cherish every moment and to live in the moment, to be present in our lives.

Many people have lost loved ones this year.  For those of you reading this who have lost close family and/or friends my heart goes out to you as I realize how difficult it has been for so many.  Our worlds have been turned upside down.  We can no longer do all of the things we have become accustomed to doing in the past. As we enter in the holiday season it’s very odd to not be planning the big family celebrations.  I was faced with the difficult decision to cancel my travel plans to visit my husband a few weeks ago.  As much as I wanted to go, I just couldn’t do it.  The force keeping me here was much stronger than the force pulling me away.  In other words it just didn’t feel right.  No I am NOT living in fear, I am following my gut and my gut told my butt to stay put.

I don't know when but when it's time I will see hubby again.  Until then I will continue to stay positive and enjoy each moment, text message, phone call or video chat as I can. I encourage everyone to practice self-care as much as possible and to check on others during this difficult time. Let's not spend too much time dwelling on the past and all of the challenges we faced this year. Let's think about how blessed we are to still be here right now and enjoy this moment as best we can.

Lastly I want to thank everyone who has supported me this year.  I appreciate you all so much.

Voting for the Chief

Today friends I am sharing a poem with you that was written by my uncle Cleveland Washington.  Cleveland has written poetry for as long as I can remember. I personally love all of his poems but this one is special and very timely.

VOTING FOR THE CHIEF

 

Deliverance, The key to the right person for OUR COUNTRY

Standing for a belief that’s believable

Engaging in the understanding of like minds

Just like words, they can appear deceivable

A country that gives Us a choice

We speak to our own voice

We don’t march to the starch in the shirt

We march to the cleanliness and how words hurt

Spoken words by some with a fiery soul

While others sit by to see who broke the mold

As you speak with a dragons’ breath

The conquer will speak for itself

VOTING FOR THE CHIEF

GO AHEAD HOLLER IT LOUD

MAKE YOUR VOICE KNOWN AND BE PROUD

This country doesn’t want more WARS

Why fight for other people’s CAUSE?

Where’re losing people so many other ways

We are fighting COVID-19, CANCER, HEART DISEASE,

LUNG DISEASE, MS., AND PNEUMONIA, ETC.

These will be around until the end of days

Whoever you are, a fresh voice needs to be heard,

We know the understanding of where it goes and stays

GOOD LUCK VOTING FOR THE CHIEF

FINALLY GIVE US SOME KIND OF PEACE

 

CLEVELAND L. WASHINGTON, JR.

                                                 2020

 

Settling in

Hello my friends. My big news is the release of my latest novel, Love Lies & Fight.  It's  being released tomorrow 10/27/2020.  Order or download yours today. You won't be sorry. 

Click on the link below for more information about the book.

https://myemail.constantcontact.com/-SeducingThePen---Love--Lies---Fight-by-Terri-D-and-Julie-Bellatrix.html?soid=1101679750136&aid=UA7t6YIqiSw

This post is titled settling in because that's what I am currently doing.  The season has changed.  The days or shorter and the nights are longer. The temperature is changing and I have had to turn my heat on. A week or so ago I found out that the embassy is not processing anything until at least January or February of 2021. As upsetting as the confirmation was I was not surprised considering everything that is going on right now. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it so I am settling in for the winter. 

This month on the 21st we virtually celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. I posted pictures each day starting on October 1st up until the 21st of our courtship and marriage.  It seemed like a good idea at first but as the days went by it became harder and harder to go through the pictures and select the right ones and not have a break down.   There were a lot of tears trust me but most of them were happy tears. I've included two of my favorites here.

I am making plans to go visit him as soon as I can.  In December it will be one year since we've seen each other. Prior to this we have never been apart longer than 3 or 4 months. This has been a rough year for so many reasons. I have been doing what I can to keep busy here and also keep the lines of communication open with him there. It's working out as best as it can but it isn't easy and not something I would recommend. 

Well friends that's all for now.  I'll keep you posted.

2020 Vision

 

Hello friends.  Where did the summer go?  I cannot believe that we're headed into fall already.  Time is passing us by.  Things aren't back to normal and who knows if they ever will be.  I think for the most part everyone is adjusting to this new normal.  If I'm being honest it has been difficult for me at times, all of this alone time.  I now see why solitary confinement is such a harsh punishment.  I sometimes get tired of being alone but then as soon as someone comes to visit me I can't wait for them to leave lol.  I have become very accustomed to my peace and quiet. 

Although I have been here in the house alone for the most part I have been very busy and so have many of you.  Every day I am surprised at how many of my connections on social media are releasing books, like first time authors releasing books.  People are starting businesses or venturing out and trying new things within an existing business.  It is AWESOME and I love it.  That is confirmation that I am surrounded by the right people. I want to congratulate everyone who is doing all they can to continue to move forward in their lives in spite of this pandemic and everything else we have been experiencing.

As for me I have just pressed the publish button on my fourth book since the pandemic started.  Whew chile and I am tired but I'm just getting started.  I've published two journal books and one was a collaboration with my Mom.  My publishing company, TDUB Publishing worked with the poets of The Nathaniel Gadsden's Writers Wordshop to put together an anthology which will be available within the next few days. Last but not least I collaborated with a brand new author, Julie Bellatrix on our upcoming fiction release titled Love, Lies & Fight. 

Release date is October 27th but pre-orders will begin October 1st. Stay tuned for  more information on how to order or contact me directly.

Now let's get to the purpose of this post.  For the past several months everyone has been complaining about or making jokes about how horrible this year has been.  I must admit things haven't gone exactly the way I had hoped.  Okay yes things have been pretty messed up.  With that said it occurred to me that for me my eyes have really been opened over the past six months to so many things.  Hence the reason I titled this post 2020 vision.  I wear glasses so I do not have natural 20/20 vision. Of course 20/20 vision is associated with perfect sight. Without my glasses I am blind as a bat. I believe that many of us have had some enlightening or eye opening experiences this year.  Some have been good and others not so good. What I believe is that we all need to take a few moments, sit back and examine ourselves.  Get in touch with your 2020 vision and what the past few months have shown you about your life, your priorities, your relationships, family etc. This isn't an exercise to make you feel sad or unhappy it is purely an exercise in awareness.  

During times like we are currently living in it is very important to practice self-care. Emotional wellness and self-care involves the awareness, understanding and acceptance of our feelings. In order to handle a lot of what is happening around us it is important to be aware, understand how we are being affected by it and accepting those feelings. Also it is very important to understand that your feelings are yours. They do not have to match anyone else's around you. Just like their feelings do not have to match yours. (Refer to my previous post about intellectual humility). It is very simple guys, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  It doesn't make them or you right or wrong, just a difference of opinion, end of story. 

Okay enough about that.  No real update on my husband's visa saga except we did submit some additional paperwork last month so we are once again in the waiting for feedback cycle of this process. We are both missing each other like crazy but we are making this work as best we can.  We learned how to live together fairly well so now we are learning how to keep things fresh and interesting while living apart. One thing that I have learned through everything we've been through this year is that this love is nothing like anything I've experience in my lifetime.  Okay don't roll your eyes and say awe how sweet lol. It's not all roses and I love yous either.  It is real work.  Being separated from my husband like this has taught me to tap into other parts of me to muster of the strength and courage to hang in there with him. As I mentioned above I am usually alone these days but I hardly ever feel lonely. As if he's literally connected to my brain usually when I am about to slip into one of my funks he will text or call me. We're enhancing our communication skills which will definitely come in handy once we are back together again. We video chat, text and share lots of pictures. We are watching the calendar pages flip past and wondering when we will see each other in person again.  It is probably one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with in my life but with each new day comes new possibilities. If you are a praying person just keep us in prayer.

That's all for today.  I appreciate you taking the time to read this and I will share my website information below if you want to keep up with the happenings of Terri D or TDUB Publishing in the future.

Author Terri D 

TDUB Publishing

Actions Speak - The Golden Rule

Someone that follows my blog reached out to me recently to ask why I have not written anything lately. At first I did not know how to respond.  After giving it some thought for a couple of days I finally realized that when I am silent it is because I am listening and processing.  A wise person once told me that we have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen more than we talk.  I will add that we also have two eyes so that we can see. The past few months have been very challenging for almost everyone.  It is hard not to feel discouraged when you turn on or read the news.  Just when you think it could not get any worse something else happens.  

Everyone has an opinion and no one seems to be able to share their without someone getting offended or an all out argument breaking out.    We seem to  have lost our ability to agree to disagree and move on. Although some of the issues being debated right now are ones that really aren't debatable. Every human being deserves basic human rights and decency. Some are so offended by the BLM movement right now.  Why you ask?  If all lives really matter there would be no need for us to fight for Black Lives matter. As the election approaches I know things will only get worse. I have never before seen our country so divided.  It is very concerning to me the state that we are in.  

My silence does not mean that I have given up.  It does not mean that I have lost my voice. My silence right now simply means that I am listening, watching and processing. I recognize that there are much bigger issues than the random thoughts of Terri D right now.  There is so much hatred on display right now that I am trying my best to maintain my composure. Keep the faith. I am still trusting God's divine plan.

With all of that said there are many like me who are being silent and I realize that yes there is a time to be quiet and listen but there is also a time to voice your thoughts.  Voicing them is great but what is even better is letting your actions speak. Don't tell me how much I mean to you or how sad you are to see what is happening.  Show me by your actions that you care about me and what is happening to others who look like me in our country right now. The bottom line is that we must do better in all aspects of our lives.  We have some big issues to resolve but honestly it's simple.  Let's all follow the golden rule, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Long distance marriage sucks

This post is very personal. I wrote it over a month ago but am finally ready to share it.

For the past year and a half I have been away from my husband physically separated from him because he is not able to come here because he does not have a Visa. I have spent a lot of time experiencing a bunch of different emotions about our situation but just this morning (June 13^th 2020)I woke up very early and as I lay in bed wondering why I was awake at 4 in the morning on a Saturday I began to realize something. I have always felt that there was a bigger meaning to my relationship with my husband. You see my husband is Dominican and I am American and when I met him, I did not speak Spanish and he did not and does not speak English. With all the things that are going on in the world right now it has become clear to me that there is a bigger purpose for my relationship with my husband. That bigger meaning is just for me, but I have learned so much about love through my relationship with him. It is not the romantic stuff and I think in my past relationships I have been a hopeless romantic interested in the gooey stuff like the flowers and all of those romantic gestures. My relationship with my husband has not been really any of that for a number of reasons, the communication challenges, cultural differences things like that.

I think I finally realized that this exercise that I've gone through with this relationship has been about learning how to love someone that can't understand you easily. Someone that you can't understand easily.  Learning how to love someone whose culture is completely different than yours who doesn't understand your culture. Learning how to love someone who is literally thousands of miles away from you most of the time. I think sometimes we've gotten accustomed to instant gratification in all aspects of our lives and it's easy to love someone when you can get that instant gratification meaning they can say a word or they can do something for you to make you feel better but it's a lot harder to love someone when those things that are typically easy are difficult. I really think that this relationship has taught me or is teaching me patience with love and understanding with people that think and feel differently than I do. It goes back to a post that I wrote in May called intellectual humility.

 I really think that I've always felt that this relationship was just so much bigger than me Terri and my husband Raulin. I've always felt like there was just a much bigger lesson and purpose and I think it finally hit me as far as what that is. Lately my husband and I have been having a lot of challenges with communication not seeing eye-to-eye on things, having a difference of opinion and at the core of it I realized yesterday that I was asking him to be the husband but I wasn't allowing him to be the husband because every suggestion that he gave me for how to solve some problems I would say no we can't do that or no I don't like that. It occurred to me that on the one hand I was asking my husband to be the man to be the problem solver to participate in helping to solve some of our problems but every time he came to me with the suggestion I had a reason why that wouldn't work so I apologized to my husband and I told him that he had to do what he felt was best because he is currently living in an environment that I am not. He is more familiar with his environment than I am, and I need him to do what he feels comfortable with. It is easy for me to sit here in the United States in my comfort zone and tell someone else what to do and how to live for them to be comfortable but they're not in the United States they're in their comfort zone so I've learned a lot in the last 24 hours I realized a lot about myself about my relationship and some things that I need to change and do differently but at the end of the day even though we're not physically together even though it's not easy to communicate with him a lot I love him and I know he loves me and we are figuring it out as we go. 

This October we will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary and a few weeks later in November we will celebrate four years that we've been together. There are a lot of people who can't understand why I've stuck it out this long why I haven't given up and to those people I will say that my grandmother who I miss dearly always told me anything worth having will take work and yes I have been married before twice and those marriages ended in divorce but this one is different this one is teaching me that you must have patience. Good things will come to those who wait and even if my husband doesn't get to come to the United States even if our marriage doesn't survive in the long run for whatever reason I can tell you that every day that I have been in a relationship with him or married to him has been an adventure the days that I spent with him have actually been some of the best times of my life and not because I was always smiling and happy because I was learning and I was growing through the process that's what life's about y'all it's about learning and growing it's about experiencing all the things that life has to offer some things will make you smile some things will make you cry but it's about growing through it all so this post is dedicated to my husband whom I love dearly and I want to thank him for all the love that he's given me, all the lessons that I've learned from him and I hope that this is just the beginning for us, not the end.

The bottom line is this. I am Learning and growing through the discomfort of being separated from my hubby.

Shame on me

I am ashamed to admit that today is the first time in my life 52 years of living that I have paid attention to the 19^th of June or Juneteenth.  I am a black woman, who raised a black son and two black daughters, and I have been disconnected from my roots, my history.  It is for this that I am ashamed.  I trusted the system to educate me and provide me with the tools I needed to learn and grow. 

Shame on me. 

This system is not designed to grow me. It is not designed to provide me with anything.

Shame on me for thinking I was accepted or that it was okay for me to be comfortable here. 

Shame on me for believing that things were better. 

Now I know better so I must do better. 

Shame on me for thinking that people saw me only as Terri or Author Terri D. 

Now I know better.  I know that I am and will always be that black girl Terri.

Never have I felt so black but also so very aware of my lack of knowledge of the hatred that I have been swimming in.  Oblivious among those screaming stay woke but I was sleep walking.

Shame on me for not seeing beyond the surface smiles. 

Shame on me for not digging deeper into my roots and my history to understand where I came from to fully appreciate where I am today but that there is still so far to go.

Shame on me for not realizing that the fight for equality would include me. It was not something of the past, it is present today and unfortunately will probably last for many more tomorrows. 

Shame on me for not paying attention to what lurked just beyond the surface.

The past month we have all seen things that maybe we never saw or paid attention to before.

I was taught to do better once you know better

Now we see it, so now we know.

So now what?

I can't breathe

I can't unsee the image of an unarmed man (black) literally being kneed to death (suffocated) by a police officer (white). As a mother of a young black man the grandmother of three young black male children my heart is so heavy. For me it is not just about a black versus white thing it is a human versus human thing however I am a black woman and I love and care for several black men and I can't breathe. 

I know personally how it feels to worry about your child coming home at night because they are constantly being targeted by law enforcement simply for driving while black. When my son who is now in his 30's was a teenager he was employed and he drove to and from work alone and at least once a week as he was driving back home from work in the evening he would be stopped by local law enforcement. My son was often asked where are you going? Where are you coming from? Why are you in this neighborhood? The neighborhood that he lived in.  My son was a young black man, a teenager driving a car in a Suburban Pennsylvania neighborhood and he was stopped repeatedly. He was not speeding, he was not driving erratically, his taillights were not out, he was not disobeying any laws other than the laws of the policeman who felt he was out of place.

I can't breathe when I think about all of the young men (black) who face the same type racist driven treatment, emotional and physical brutality from law enforcement across this country.

I can't breathe when I think about all of the mothers who have buried their children who have died at the hands of law enforcement in this country.

I can't breathe when I think about all of the other mothers who are raising young black men who now worry every single moment that their children are not in their sight because of incidences like we have seen time and time again. An unarmed man (black) has been brutalized at the hands of law enforcement (white) in this country that so many people call the land of the free. I guess it is only free to those who do not look like me.

I can't breathe when the response from so many who don't look like me is but what did he do? Does it really matter what he did? The man lay helpless, handcuffed, detained unable to breathe crying out for his mother.

I can't breathe he said repeatedly. Does it matter what happened before? If he had not been a black man would anyone even question what he did before the video started rolling? If he had not been a black man would he have even been lying on the ground knee on his neck being detained?

I can't breathe.

I can't sleep.

I can't believe this is where we are in 2020 in a country where we are raised to believe that we are the land of the free. We are the land of opportunity. If you look like me this does not apply.

I simply cannot breathe.

Intellectual Humility

It has been a few weeks since I posted anything and I wasn't really sure what I wanted to cover in this post until a few days ago.  I had the opportunity to participate in two separate interviews last week. 

One was with Ella Curry and her Ban Radio show.  I was one of her guest on her Mind Your Business Crown holders master class.  I talked about my Connecting the Dots Life Coaching business.  During the interview I touched on several concepts that were covered during my training last year but there was one in particular that stood out as something that more people need to be aware of in our current climate.  I'm not a political person so this isn't really about politics at all.  It is about how hard it is getting for me to remain positive about things with so much negativity everywhere. At times I barely recognize this world that I am living in.  So much greed and hate.  Where is the love and compassion?  I choose this quote and photo because it is one of my favorites and it is also very true.  How many times have you struggled to remember exactly what someone said to you but you could remember how it made you feel?

I decided to talk about Intellectual Humility.  The idea or concept of Intellectual Humility has been around for quite some time, however in my life coaching training manual it quotes Dr. Elizabeth Mancuso, Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University, who talks about being humble about your ideas, beliefs and thoughts.  She referred to it as Intellectual Humility.

She goes on to explain that "Intellectual Humility has four particular behaviors and attitudes:

1) Not being overconfident about your knowledge and beliefs,

2) Being open to adjusting and revising your knowledge and beliefs when necessary,

3) Being respectful of the view points of others, and

4) Not being defensive when others have a different perspective than yours."

I understand that not everyone thinks the same way that I do and I believe that I allow others to express their views freely without arguing or making them feel that their opinions do not matter.  Everyone is a bit on edge right now and I get it.  We have all been isolated in our homes for the last two months.  Frustrations and emotions are running high.  People want OUT of their houses, they want things to be the way they were.  Some consider many things that we are being asked to do unfair.  Throw into the mix the tense political climate due to the upcoming election and you have the perfect storm for conflict. 

I have lived long enough to know that there will always be conflict and people will disagree.  I guess what I am trying to say is that things appear to be getting worse.  People are no longer able to just agree to disagree and leave it at that.  Why does someone have to be wrong and the other person is right?  What happened to the golden rule?  Treat others as you would like to be treated?

Imagine how things could be if we practiced a little more intellectual humility?  Will this solve all the problems of the world?  Absolutely not BUT it certainly couldn't hurt.  The respect that you want from others starts with you giving it to others, or better yet respecting yourself first. 

Google Intellectual Humility and  you will find a lot of information and quotes from different people about what it means.  In a nutshell it is about the four items mentioned above and maybe interacting with one another with a little more compassion and love.   

The second interview I had last week was with The Voice 17104 Harrisburg PA, The Nathaniel Gadsden.  The show was centered around international travel and cross-cultural relationships.  I was able to share information about my travel and living experiences in the Dominican Republic.  I thoroughly enjoyed participating in the show and sharing information about my experiences which are also covered in my memoir titled Passport Wife.  You can check out all of my books here on my website www.AuthorTerriD.com

My husband is also on lock down in the Dominican Republic and things have been closed so as of now there is not an update on his visa but we are both remaining prayerful that once things open up again the process will continue and he will be able to join me here in the United States. Until then this is how we will be together.

May 2020 Changes are coming

Like the expression goes April showers bring May flowers,

many people will be blooming like flowers this month as restrictions are gradually lifted.  Just like everyone processed the stay at home orders differently everyone will handle the restrictions being lifted in their own way.  Some will be running from their homes with joy while others may be a bit more tentative about leaving the comfort and safety of their homes. I'm more than likely going to be in the later category.  Due to several underlying health issues I need to remain very cautious, therefore my reentry into society, even with social distancing guidelines will be a bit slower.

In these unprecedented times we all have to process and make decisions that are best for us and what we feel comfortable with.  Most of all we must practice compassion and patience with ourselves and each other.  Remember that everyone doesn't think or process things the same way you do.  Other people are allowed to have their own opinions and it doesn't have to cause a fight.  It really is okay to agree to disagree.

This pandemic has taught us so many things.  We've learned how to handle many things virtually, we've been working, home schooling, virtual doctor appointments, socializing and learning how to be creative and have fun in new ways.  Over the past 7 weeks I have seen so many creative ideas, virtual game nights, dance parties, new fun challenges one of my personal favorites was the Don't Rush challenge.  Many people making masks and finding other ways to help others during this time where many people's lives and livelihoods have been disrupted.  Many have taken this time to relax, recharge and reset.  Whatever path  you choose it was probably exactly what you needed.  For those who are essential workers and especially healthcare workers who've had to continue working even under extremely stressful conditions I applaud you and thank you for all you've done and will continue to do.

As for me, I was somewhere in the middle.  There have been days over the past seven weeks where I've been very productive and there have been days where I felt like I could barely get out of bed.  A few things that I've realized about myself during this time are:

1) I have way too many pajamas and I don't know why so many of them are grey, my favorite color is blue.
2) I'm beginning to understand how hermits survive.  I'm discovering new ways to not leave the house everyday.
3) Why am I so much more productive here at home?  There are so many distractions but yet I'm getting things done.
4) There are pros and cons to living alone during a pandemic.  I think that I personally experienced all of the emotions associated with them at some point over the past seven weeks.

One of my greatest accomplishments during this time has been the release of my latest book titled Journaling for Self-Care for Young Adults.  Available on Amazon (Link  below)

Journaling for Self-Care

I have kept journals since I was a teenager.  It's one of the ways I process my thoughts and feelings.  Although this book was released at a time when many people need help dealing with their emotions it wasn't planned this way.  This content was created for a workshop on how to journal I was scheduled to do at my high school Alma mater on May 1st, but of course it got cancelled.  The book is a great tool for those who need a little help working through their thoughts, feelings and even to set goals for the future.

The affects of this pandemic are far from over and for many their lives have been forever changed.  Remember to practice patience and compassion with yourself and others.

Blessings to all

Terri

Deep thoughts

No matter where you are in the world right now, chances are your life has in some way been impacted by the Corona virus.  Here in Pennsylvania where I live today our governor issued a stay at home order and schools have been closed indefinitely.  We have entered into unfamiliar territory in all aspects of our lives.  Kids out of school, parents working from home or out of work, businesses closed, churches closed and streaming services.  There are more questions than answers.  Everyone  has been impacted in some way by this pandemic.  My heart aches for the children who are struggling to understand what's  happening, not understanding why they can't see their friends.  The students who were looking forward to proms, and graduation ceremonies.  Parents please take a minute to talk to your children about how they are feeling.  Business owners, investors and salespeople who had big plans for 2020.  Couples with wedding plans or expecting children.  Things have been completely turned upside down.  We all need to be patient and realize that it's not going to fix itself over night. 

Maybe it's just me but things on social media have been a little different lately.  I've noticed a little less bickering about political differences and more collaboration.  We have DJ's hosting virtual dance parties, musicians hosting impromptu concerts, some amazing face time collaborations.  People are banding together to share positive messages, prayers, pictures of hearts, beaches and landscapes to flood our timelines with positive images and messages to get our minds off of the news occasionally. We're checking in on each other, hosting virtual happy hours, date nights and my family has started family check in's via zoom.  Teachers are driving through the neighborhoods of their students to let them know that they're missed. 

These are all wonderful things, all proof that there is still some humanity in the world.  However none of those things take away from the seriousness of this pandemic.  We all need to listen to the authorities and follow their advice and guidance in order to slow the spread as quickly as possible.  Many people are expressing the sentiment that they are "stuck" at home.  No my friends we are safe at home right now.  Let's attend to all of those things we didn't have time for before because we were too busy doing things outside of our homes.   

On the other side of this pandemic what will the world look like?  How will this impact how we live our lives moving forward?  Those are questions that we cannot answer but maybe you've thought about them?  During times like this with so much uncertainty it's best to stay focused on the things happening around you that you can control.  Worry is truly a waste of energy when it's truly out of your hands.

I haven't spoken to anyone yet who isn't feeling some type of anxiety over what's happening right now.  Although no one really knows what's going to happen I think it's safe to say that things will probably never be as they were.  We are all being forced to examine ourselves on every level possible right now.  We're being tested in unimaginable ways.  It's because of this fact I implore you to seek help if you're feeling overwhelmed, extremely frustrated, angry and/or sad.  I've seen articles talking about the increase in both child abuse and domestic violence over the past few weeks.  Some predict a surge in births in nine months where others expect the already high divorce rate to skyrocket. No one really knows but during this difficult, stressful time take a moment to acknowledge your feelings and seek help. 

If you're interested in learning more about how to journal leave a comment or visit my website to contact me via email.   I recently finished my how to journal book titled Journaling for Self-Care for young adults.  It will be released to the public in the coming months.  Stay tuned. 

I'm sharing a link below of a therapist that is talking to as many people as she possible can via phone during this confusing time.  Reach out today or refer a friend.

 www.empowermentinsights.com

Social distancing - Week 1

Well I'm sure that many of you are still trying to find your way through all if this madness.  Kids home from school.  You are (if you're lucky) working from home.  Sounds great right?  HA HA well I'm sure most of you have already lost that loving feeling for your loved ones at least once.  Listen it's hard to adjust especially when something like this is thrust upon you with little to no notice and you had no choice.  I'm having my own struggles with all of this but I'm not going to get into that.  I want to try my best to remain positive and share some things that might help.

We're all having all types of emotions about what's going on.  Sometimes it's  hard to express those even to your closest friends because you don't want to expose yourself or feel vulnerable or maybe you're supposed to be the strong one.  Whatever your situation is everyone has feelings and it's never a good idea to try to hide them or push them aside.  My advice, not that you asked but during tough times like this you have to remember to take care of yourself.  I know it's probably hard to think about how to do that when you've got so much on your plate but all those people who you're caring for and who are depending on you?  Where will they be if you can't anymore?  During stressful times it's best to take a minute for yourself.

Think about this.  We've all been sent home in order to stop this virus from spreading.  What if there's an even bigger reason?  Most of us are so busy doing things outside of the house that we typically don't spend a lot of time together at home with our families.  Now that we're being forced to we're finding it a little uncomfortable.  I'm not saying you don't love your families, I know you do.  Well I hope you do lol.  Seriously though maybe this new routine has you in a space that you've never been before.  Maybe you're feeling new things or maybe you're learning new things about yourself, your significant other and your kids.  Maybe you're also learning your true value or worth in the eyes of your employer or colleagues, friends and other family members.  I think we all need to take this time to  take care of our own house. 

I listened to a few sermons on Sunday and one Pastor said we all need to take inventory.  I agree with that 100%, own it all. The good stuff, the difficult stuff, the angry stuff.  All of your stuff.  Along with stuff coming at you from your significant others or kids.  Take inventory of your feelings.  I'm a writer so my suggestion is to write down how you feel.  Yes, like on paper with a pen or a pencil.  I'm sure you're been spending way too much time on social media so put the phone, tablet, laptop down, step away from the computer.  Find yourself a quiet space (if possible) and relax for a few minutes.  Take time to sit with your feelings.  Write down how you're feeling, let it all out, pour it onto the paper.  Sometimes that's all you need to do is to recognize the feelings, yes your feelings want to be heard and acknowledged too.  Sitting with  your feelings and just allowing yourself to feel whatever it is is very therapeutic.  Now once you do that depending on the feelings you might need to take things a step or two further, but you'll know if just getting the feelings out was enough to relief some pressure or if you might need a little more. 

During this extremely stressful time we are all living through right now there are many resources available online to get help.  If you're employed you might be able to contact your employers EAP line to talk to someone.  I'm not a therapist or counselor I'm just someone who has been through some things over the years and I'm sharing how I've managed to cope.  Writing is my outlet.  Maybe for you it's reading, or painting.  You know what works well for you and again if prior methods aren't working for you.  Please ask for help.  You're not alone and there's no shame in asking for a little help.
Sharing link with you to a Facebook page where we've posted some helpful links from others to help during this stressful time.

https://www.facebook.com/LiveLifeEsteem/

Until next time please my friends practice social distancing until the authorities tell us it's okay to socialize again.

Terri D

Don't Blink

January 2020 seemed to have lasted forever but February 2020 flew past.  I feel like I blinked and it was gone.  It’s been a very emotional time for a number of reasons.  The untimely death of Kobe Bryant affected many people all over the world for so many reasons.  He was one of the greatest basketball players of all time BUT he was also so many other things to so many people.  I can’t say that I was a Kobe fan per se.  I knew of him of course, I watched him play but wasn’t really aware of many aspects of his life that are now being talked about.  Two very special people in my life were affected by his passing, my youngest daughter, Jennifer is one of the biggest basketball fans I’ve ever known.  She loves the game and although the Spurs are her favorite team, she felt the sting of losing Kobe very deeply.  My husband who also loves the game of basketball grew up watching Kobe and actually refers to him as his childhood hero.  I knew that once he heard about this tragedy he would also mourn his loss very personally. To see so many people mourning him has been difficult to watch and maybe for some even harder to handle all the why’s.  My heart aches for his wife Vanessa because I cannot imagine her pain and suffering right now. 

My hometown of Harrisburg, PA is now mourning the loss of an Icon, Vera Cornish recently passed away and when the news broke of her death my social media was on fire.  So many people had been touched by her place in our community.  Although I wasn’t a close personal friend of hers I know Vera and we interacted many times over the years I’ve lived here.  Most recently was last year at an event where we were both vendors selling our books.  Although Vera wasn’t a celebrity like Kobe the similarities of the response of the news of her death and his hit home for me.  They were both loved by so many people from so many different backgrounds, races, cultures, etc.  The one thing I noticed immediately after Kobe’s death was how his death and the mourning and grief spanned all ethnic backgrounds, political beliefs etc.  Everyone loved Kobe.  I see now that everyone in this small town of Harrisburg, PA loved Vera as well.  This is proof to me that we can all come together and agree on something.  We don’t have to constantly be divided by our skin color, political views, social or financial status.  In the face of tragedy or grief we can all just be human beings.  That’s what I love, those little glimpses of how things could be if we all just took a minute and thought about it.  It’s okay to look different and have different ideas and beliefs.  We can disagree on things and still agree that we’re all human and all deserve the basic rights and respect from one another.

I titled this post don’t blink because it all goes by so fast, life that is.  We’re all shocked by the sudden death of someone who we thought should still be here.  We take a brief moment and think about our own mortality but honestly most don’t think about it long enough to actually do anything about it.  There’s really nothing you can do to prevent death and we never know when it’s coming but what you can do is make sure that you make your life count for something.  Everyone won’t be famous like Kobe or even as well known in  your own little towns as Vera was in Harrisburg, PA but that doesn’t mean that you or your legacy can’t mean something.  What’s really sad is that oftentimes people die and they never really knew how we felt about them.  Why is it so easy to tell people how much they meant to you when they’re dead but you didn’t tell them when they were alive?  

I feel like my life has been changed so much in 2020, in so many ways and it’s all good.  I’m continuing to enjoy my participation in the Crown Holders Sisterhood group which was created by Ella Curry.  I’m interacting with many woman I’ve never met but we all share something in common, we’re driven to pursue our dreams.  I’m getting things done that I didn’t even know I needed to do.  I’ve gotten back to planning my time and sticking to those plans as much as possible.  I’m examining my connections and making tough decisions as to how I move forward with or without some of them.  I’m choosing to be more strategic in my relationships.  To spend more time with those who pour into my cup, not just take out of it.  I’m a giver by nature but I’m learning that my cup will always be empty if I don’t make sure it’s getting replenished on a regular basis.  If it’s not bringing me peace, it must go.

This coming month, March is bringing with it many new opportunities.  I'll be staring a new job, My non profit will officially have office space, I'm picking up the keys tomorrow.  I have several projects in the works which I expect to complete within the next month.  I’m going to be busy but productive and I'm expecting tremendous growth through it all.   

It's finally over.. January that is

Hello all:

Is it me or did January seem like the longest month ever?  I mean has it only been 2020 for 31 days?  It feels like months since we celebrated the holidays.  Anyway I’ve been  busy ya’ll.  I mean really getting things done and making plans to get even more accomplished in the next few months.  Okay quick update on hubby.  He’s still not here.  Then end. lol.  Listen I have to laugh to keep from crying.  I mean I do still cry sometimes but not as often and I am really getting on with living my life as  best I can without him by my side.  I get really mad when I have to do something that I really wish he was here to do for me.  Like shoveling the snow.  I was hot about that ya’ll for real.  I actually made a video of me mad shoveling the snow and sent it to my husband.  I’m sure he was like yeah I’m glad I’m not there right now lol.  I came in the house and angry typed a message to the attorney we are working with too.  Everybody heard from me that day.  Seriously things are slow but they haven’t stopped.  The attorney is still working to get the requested documents so that we can submit them.  She explained to me yesterday that although they’ve only requested three documents in some cases it takes several documents to obtain one.  Also some documents that were submitted previously need to be redone because they were not done properly which could be part of the problem.  So like I said he’s still there. 

I’m here still working my day job, helping my mom three nights a week with the parenting programs and taking my online classes.  That’s just the main stuff.  Things I’m obligated to do.  I’ve been busy doing other things that I want to do as well.  My new found energy and excitement can be attributed to two things:  1) I’m back in church singing in the choir YASSSSS.  I love it, never realized how much I missed it.  I hadn’t left church per se, but haven’t sung in the choir for at least three years.  2) I got invited to join a Face book group called the Crown Holders Sisterhood.  Ella, Curry who is a household name among many in the literary world created this group by invitation only and it has been and I hope will continue to be an awesome experience.  Ella has many years of experience with the book industry but it’s not just about that.  She’s sharing all types of information with us about how to market ourselves, how to prioritize and plan. She shares many positive uplifting quotes and articles.  There’s so much.  It’s exactly what I needed because I have so many things that I let go in 2019 that need to be handled this year.  

So I'll  hit the ground running February 1^st.  I’ve got my new planning system in place (going old school ya’ll desk calendar with color coded items by category).   Check it out. 

I've also moved my home office from the basement to across the hall from my bedroom upstairs.  I love my new location.  There's light and it's warmer up here too.  They say sometimes a change of scenery is good for the soul.  I believe it because this has been one of the most productive weeks I've had in a very long time.

Areas of focus in 2020 are my non profit organization, A Blessing for You, ABFU.  Assembling my board of directors and working on finding grants, sponsors and partnerships this year.  

I plan to put my life coaching certification to work this year.  I recently recorded an audio presentation about the importance of learning how to connect your dots.  I'll be sharing this with you at some point in the near future.  

Author Terri D’s will be focusing on marketing to promote the books already published this year. I have a few in progress projects but not sure I'll get those finished this year with everything else I have planned.   I’ve already started.  I had a book signing last weekend at Barnes and Noble that went very well.  Check out this picture. I'm going to put this on my website.  He's the face of my new marketing campaign.

My goal is to update this blog at least monthly if not more frequently and I'm researching other platforms for my blog also.  Stay tuned

Walking into 2020 with purpose

First I want to thank everyone who reads my blog.  Your continued support has meant the world to me.  Second I must apologize for my silence. It’s been several months since I’ve posted anything, not since September, wow.  I’ve been very transparent here on my blog, sharing my journey with you through this immigration process with my husband.  I’ve been silent for the past few months because I felt I had no voice, nothing to say.  The past few months have been very difficult for me.  I needed some time to process everything.  I’m still processing some things but I have made peace with things as they are.  I’m here and he’s still there.  I’m not where I thought I’d be but I know I’m exactly where I need to be.  That’s because of my faith and belief that all things happen for a reason and in this case some things don’t happen for a reason.  Sometimes we eventually figure out the reason and sometimes we never do.  That’s life. 

Although I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be I’m still blessed beyond measure.  2019 was a year of new life, I have a new grandson, Cameron. New adventures, I completed my certification to become a life coach and I decided to return to school to finish my degree. The Life Coach certification is something I plan to explore more in 2020 but after taking the classes I decided that I would be my first client LOL.  Based on how things have been going with me I thought it best that I use the tools on myself to help me figure some things out.  Last but certainly not least, reflection.  The reflection part is never ending.  In order to have continuous growth we need to constantly reflect and adjust as we experience things and learn.  2019 was a rough year overall.  Being apart from Raulin has been very difficult on us both after having spent so much time together in 2018 and 2017.  

The endless cycle of document request, gathering, translation, travel back and forth and waiting for response from the embassy has really taken it’s toll on us both. The cycle continues unfortunately.  We are currently in the process of responding to another request for information.  I had really hoped that I would be able to leave that craziness behind in 2019 but the universe seemed to have other plans.  The difference now is that we both have to move on and continue living even though we're apart.  I feel that in 2019 we were both stuck in a state of limbo.  We didn't make very much progress not just in regards to the visa process but in our lives in general.  Yes I did accomplish some things and made some decisions towards the end of the year but overall I was stuck in a cycle of just going through the motions each day.  Waiting for the answer.  Never wanting to make plans or commit to anything just in case we got the thumbs up from the embassy.  I can laugh about it now but there was a period of time where I told my daughter that the only plans I had on Saturdays was to drive to New Jersey to pick up Raulin from the airport.  Week after week my dream didn't come true and over time I became numb which led to my silence.  

I went to visit Raulin at the beginning of December a few weeks after we received the most recent letter from the embassy.  It had been about four months since we'd seen each other and we needed to have some hard conversations about our future.  Do we continue to submit documents and wait or do we throw in the towel?  Although we've both been in the mindset to throw in the towel several times I'm happy to report that we've never both been in that same place at the same time.  Whichever one of us is feeling weak and broken down somehow the other has the strength to pull the other back up and we continue to fight.  So we decided we're going to continue to fight. With that said I have decided to stop putting everything else on  hold waiting for the answer.  I've got to get back to living my life fully even though it's without Raulin by my side.  He is still one of my biggest supporters in everything that I do, even from over 1,400 miles away.  So, that means I'll be back to writing more, I'll be focusing on building partnerships to help grow my A Blessing for You non profit this year and I will also continue to explore how to best use my Life Coach certification.  I'll also be continuing with my online classes, working of course and continuing to fight to bring my husband here with me.  

I know at the beginning of the year everyone says new year new me.  Well I'm the same Terri but with a different attitude.  I'm ready to tackle whatever 2020 brings and I'm expecting some wonderful opportunities.  I hope you will all continue to follow my journey.  
Be Blessed
Terri D.