Make every moment count

Since my last post I’ve spent time jotting down notes about the things I wanted to talk about in my next post.  On March 21st a friend who I’ve known for over 25 years died suddenly.  He was only 44 years old and he had a heart attack while shoveling snow.  Everything that I thought I wanted to talk about went out the window.  Since his death I’ve been unable to focus enough to write anything.  I’ve spent a lot of time just thinking.  I’ve literally been sitting and remembering everything I could about my friend. We had a very long history.  I thought about our last conversation which was about a year ago. I thought about his last everything.  I prayed to God that he didn’t suffer.  I prayed for his wife and their two boys.  What happened to my friend is very sad and I realize that things like this happen all the time. The point for me is that we all must remember that our time here is brief and for some it’s briefer than others.  The unfortunate part is that we don’t know when our time here will be up.  Sure, we can take really good care of our bodies and take extra precautions in every aspect of our lives but at the end of the day we have very little say as to when our time will be up.  We have to try to make every breath we take and minute we get here count. Live life to its fullest with no regrets.  All of this reminded me of a poem I wrote a few years ago.  It’s titled “If I died today”

If I died today

What would people say?

Would they talk about my work?

How well I did my job?

Would they talk about my love for music, my angelic voice?

Would they talk about the books I’ve written and published?

If I died today

What would people say?

Would they talk about me the person?

Would they talk about how my life meant something?

How my life changed the lives of others

If I died today what would people say?

Would people sit and wonder

What the purpose of my life was

Or would it be clear for everyone to see

That I came

I lived

I fulfilled my purpose

And now I’ve gone on

If I died today

I wonder what people would say

*****

When someone passes suddenly people always say I just saw him or her or something like that.  I wish I could say that I Just saw you or I just talked to you but it’s not true.  I can’t remember exactly the last time we spoke, but it’s probably been almost a year now, and I’m so sad about that now because now I can’t hear your voice or laugh anymore.  When the news about your passing came through to me it took a few seconds for it to really sink in.  Immediately all the memories that we shared came back to me.  I remember your smile and your laugh.  I remember the shy young man I met when you first came to work at Health America and the more confident man you became. I have literally watched you grow up over the years.  Your marriage, your kids, your losses, your challenges and your successes. All of it came flooding back to my memory in what felt like an instant.  I’ve shed so many tears today for you and my heart aches for your wife, Laurie and children.  RIP my friend you will be missed.

Scott when I attended your funeral service I was in awe at the turnout and felt honored to have known you, a man who touched the lives of so many people in such a short period of time.  Everyone loved you differently, but it was all love, nonetheless.  Although we shed tears, and many thought, and some said aloud how tragic it was that your life was cut short, you made a difference.  It was evident to me buy what I observed at your service.  I felt sad that it took your death to make us all realize just how special you were to us all. 

I implore all of you to take a moment after you read this post and think about your life. Are you making every breath and minute count?  Are you being the absolute best you that you can be?  We only get this one brief life to live.   Tell everyone now how you feel about them, what they mean to you.  You might blink and miss the opportunity to do so.  Do everything you can to make it count, make a difference. 

Dominican Housewife Chronicles - Sometimes we just have to wait

I'm back ya'll.  I had a great time in Pennsylvania but it is soooooo good to be back with my hubby and the warm climate.  I'm getting too old for the cold ya'll.  While I was gone my husband found a new house and moved two days before I returned.  I have to say I was very nervous about the move and all things considered he did a great job moving and getting the new house ready for me and my daughter.  I'll talk more about the new house a little later. 

So when I came back on Monday March 5th  my daughter Jennifer was with me.  I was really anxious about it  because my daughter hasn't really been happy about my relationship and marriage to my husband, for a whole bunch of reasons that I won't get into here, Ya'll going to have to read the book for more details on that (seriously stay tuned for Passport Wife coming later this year).   Everything turned out great while she was here for her visit.  As I thought about what I wanted to write about this week I thought about the fact that sometimes we just have to wait.  You know we want things always to be on our time.  When we want something we want it.  This even applies to those of us who pray.  We go to God and ask him for something and we get mad when we don't get it right away.  We have to realize that things are done not always on our time.This past year has been very difficult for me because as my relationship with my husband grew, mature and got deeper and stronger and eventually led to us getting married my relationship with my daughter began to deteriorate a bit.  So this was a really good week. I was so happy to see her smiling and laughing.  She made some new friends while she was here also.  When she left from the airport she actually gave my husband a hug.  Jenni doesn't just give out hugs to anybody so that was huge.  The night before she left she told me that she can actually see that he does love me.  So right now I think we are in a good place.  I am so happy because I honestly never thought we'd get here.  That's why I said that sometimes we just need to wait on things and not give up.  For example today was a rough day for me.  I was here at the house all by myself and today is actually the first day that I've been here by myself since I got back.  I did my usual chores, washed clothes, cooked dinner and I felt myself getting irritated because my husband didn't get home right after four as I expected..  I sat in that irritated space for awhile, thinking about where he was and why he didn't tell where he was and all kinds of crazy things. When he finally did get home.  I didn't have a chance to get angry or say anything to him about how I felt because when he came in he immediately let me know that he had been taking care of the issue with the electricity so that my air conditioning can be installed.  Since the move last weekend my air conditioning hasn't been installed.  It was fine up until yesterday because it really hasn't been that hot.  Yesterday it got up to 90 degrees and I was ready for some air conditioning.  I could have acted a fool and did all kinds of crazy stuff but he was actually out taking care of that so he got a pass and I need to learn to be more patient.  I still don't have my air conditioning installed though, but I'm patiently waiting :-)

Back to the new house, it's nice but there are a few things that I don’t like.  I’m torn between the kitchen being too small and the intermittent water issues being the most irritating for me right now.  The kitchen is really small but I am figuring it out.  The water thing is very annoying.  We are back to sharing water with the house next door and there have been a couple of times where we didn't have water or the water pressure is very low.  But his car port for the car is awesome, which I guess is all that matters since that is what this move was about.  It is really nice carport and the front porch is also nice although right now it’s home to my air conditioning unit which has yet to be installed.  One big plus with this house is that we have electricity 24/7 so no more scheduling the use of the crock pot or microwave.   It’s also nice to always have the fridge on so hopefully food will keep longer now.  The outside laundry area is nice and there’s ample space to hang clothes without me having to step in grass.  We have two bedrooms and two bathrooms now.  Each bedroom has it’s own bathroom which is nice however the 2^nd bathroom’s toilet has been leaking but we are working with the owner to resolve that issue as well as the issue with not having any water.  This house is older or at least it hasn’t been upgraded like the old house but again I think overall it was a good move.  The neighborhood seems very quiet, except for the Dominican house party yesterday where the neighbors blasted their music for several hours.  Oh and there was the karaoke concert one morning last week also that woke both Jennifer and I up.    Our house is next to an empty lot but for the most part it’s much cleaner here also.  There’s still some trash but nothing like the old house.  There are stray dogs but not as many but we do seem to have a cat.  The cat has walked into our house uninvited twice now and it stands outside the side door meowing in the morning.  I'm pretty sure that it belonged to whoever lived here before us and the poor thing is trying to figure out what is going on.  I'm sorry cat lovers but I don't do cats.  I'm actually allergic to them so I will not be taking over the car of this cat.

I'm back to my usual housewife duties but I'm also putting the finishing touches on my next novel, Passport Wife which I plan to release later this year.  Here's a pic of the front of the new house and the wonderful car port for the car.  Did I mention that this move was all about having a carport for the car?  LOL.

Stay tuned until next week.  I'll have more for you all on the new house and neighborhood. 

No matter where I am, I'm missing someone that I love

I left the Dominican Republic on Friday Feb 9^th to return home for a few weeks.  I’d been gone almost two months and there were many things I needed to attend to, taxes, doctor appointments, mail (OMG you should have seen the piles of mail that were here waiting for me).  As soon as that cold air hit me when I got off the plane I wondered to myself what were you thinking returning to Pennsylvania in February?  The actual temperature difference is obvious, and I expected the cold.  What I wasn’t prepared for was the effect that the gray, overcast skies would have on me.  Of course, I was sad to leave my husband but the combination of the cold and the gray skies caused me to really fall into a funk.  No matter where I am, Dominican Republic or Pennsylvania I’m missing someone who is very special to me. 

So, I’m home and I have all the things available to me that used to be so important to me.  I have my dishwasher, hot water, electricity 24/7 and my Swiffer just to name a few.  Here’s the funny thing.  I hand washed dishes most of the time instead of using the dishwasher.  I didn’t reach for my fancy egg separator I just did it manually.  I did attempt to cook a few times, but I quickly became annoyed because here I have an electric stove and I had become accustomed to cooking on gas stove.  Now I must admit I really enjoyed my hot water and many hot showers and long soaks in the tub.  I love to take baths and there is no bathtub in the Dominican Republic.  I also really enjoyed my Swiffer, so much so that I brought one to take back with me to the Dominican Republic.  My friends and family do not understand how I can give up all the conveniences of life here in the United States to live in the Dominican Republic.  It’s easy to say and harder to do but I assure you that all those things you are accustomed to are not necessities and you do adapt.  Take it from me, the woman who does not handle change well at all. If I could do it most of you could as well if you had to or wanted to.  Okay so that’s the point.  I didn’t have to make these changes or sacrifices but I choose to.

Although I have been busy most days while I’ve been here I have gotten some quiet time alone in the evenings to think, reflect on some of my prior blog posts and write. I’ve been blogging about my experiences with learning the new culture, how to cook,  and how to wash clothes.    For this blog post I decided to focus more on my relationships with my husband and those in my inner circle.  I was inspired to do this because of everything that is happening around me and all of us in the world right now.  Too much negativity, racism, and violence.  The senseless violence continues with more school shootings, murders, sexual harassment claims, you name it.  I have a variety of connections on social media.  Some that I grew up with, some from work, others from the book industry, fellow authors etc.  The point is that all of those unique relationships come together on social media and sometimes it creates the perfect storm.  I've been saddened by some of the online arguments I've seen recently.  We spend so much time arguing with everyone these days.  I wanted to focus on love. 

I’ve mentioned before that communication between my husband and I is at times very challenging since we are both still learning the others language.  There is also a 16-year age difference.  The age difference and the fact that he’s from the Dominican Republic has painted a very negative picture for many people in my circle about my husband.  Many of my friends and family have been concerned that my husband is only with me for money or to get his green card.  We’ve been together now for 15 months and we’ve been married for almost 4 months.  I’m sharing all of this with you all because it’s important because I want to focus on how I’ve allowed the thoughts of others to negatively influence my relationship with my husband. 

I got to spend some quality time with my BFF over the past few weeks.  We had a heart to heart conversation. She’s been my biggest supporter throughout this entire journey, but I now realize that she too has had some concerns along the way.  I asked her why she hadn’t been honest with me before and she said because I am happy.  She said it’s not her place to ruin my happiness.  I don’t have a large circle of friends but the ones I have are awesome.  I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything.  Although it was shocking to hear some of her true feelings it was also encouraging to hear this woman who has known me for almost thirty years who has been with me through some of my toughest days in my life telling me that she can see my happiness now.  

It’s human nature to have doubts and questions at times.  Especially if you’ve been through as many bad relationships as I have over the years.   I’m not saying that they were all bad because I think they were all necessary for me to learn lessons that I needed to learn.  In some cases, I wish those lessons weren’t so painful but that’s life.  Those prior relationships weren’t all bad because of the other person either.  I fully accept my part in those failed marriages and relationships.  Before I met my husband, I swore that I would never get married again.  I honestly cannot tell you how or why I changed and decided to marry him, but I can tell you that I am in this for the long haul.  Even though we struggle with when to eat together, what to eat or how to dry the clothes.  At the end of each day I still smile and have love in my heart for him.  After having been with him everyday for so long over the past two months being away from him now is unbearable.  Everywhere I go this week I’m seeing subtle reminders that although I feel somewhat silly, irresponsible or reckless for how I am living my life right now.  Life is short, it’s not just about work, or money and the things you can buy or obtain.  The things you can see and feel.  It’s mostly about the things you cannot see.  My devotion today came from 1 Corinthians 13:7 and it said,

“Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.”

I needed this reminder today because I tend to be a little impatient at times.  In the past I have been too quick to give up hope.

It breaks it down even further by saying this:

“Love never stops being patient.” That means love extends grace.  You need to offer grace to others.

“Love never stops believing.” That means it expresses faith.  You tell someone, “even though we’re having a tough time, I will never stop believing in you.”

“Love never stops hoping.” That means love expects the best.  Are you expecting the best in your marriage, or have you settled for less than the best?

“Love never gives up.” That means love endures the worst. It means you can look at the other person and say, “You can throw everything at me, but I’m going to keep on loving you, no matter what.”

This is how God loves us all.  God never loses his patience with us as we often lose patience with each other.  God never stops believing in us as we often stop believing in ourselves or those closest to us.  God never stops hoping for the best for us in our lives.  He never gives up on us.  This is what God wants us to do with everyone else.  Why is it that we so often hurt those the closest to us the most? 

The best part of my visit here this time was the outpouring of love that I received from everyone.  I have had more breakfast, lunch and dinner dates in the past 21 days than I’ve had in the prior six months.  I am so tired of eating out at restaurants. I cannot wait to get back to cooking for and arguing with my husband about dinner LOL.  I have also been very pleasantly surprised by the response you all have given me about this blog.  Several people have reached out to me because I haven’t posted since I’ve been home.  It’s been busy scheduling time with all my friends and family and getting all my personal business done in such a short period of time.  Now I only have two more days here before I head back for an undetermined amount of time and the closer it gets to my departure the busier I am.  When I get back I will continue with my weekly blog post as well as put the finishing touches on my book that I plan to release later this year.

When I return to the Dominican Republic next week I will be going to a new house, yes that's right while I've been gone my husband found a new place and he's moving two days before I return.  This is going to be good ya'll.

Stay tuned.

Dominican Housewife Chronicles - Food fights

This is a picture that was taken this week on the beach.  The huge lobster that I am holding wasn't caught by me or my husband.  We were simply at the beach and the fishermen bring in their catches of the day and try to sell them to the people on the beach.  We did not purchase the lobster but we did purchase a couple of fish that we very good.



I am happy to report that I completed an entire cycle of laundry all by myself.  I got it done in less than 3 hours and there were no issues with the drying of the clothes.  WOO HOO!!! However I have to confess ya'll it's really hard work.  I love being here with my husband but I really miss my washing machine and dryer from the United States.

Okay so I've mastered this laundry thing and can hold my own in the kitchen.  So I'm wondering what's next?  Well now it seems that the gecko's have decided to move into my house.  Well that's a huge problem for me.  I do not entertain bugs or creatures in my house at all ever.  I have seen these little creatures scurrying about outside but until recently I had never seen one in the house.  This week alone since my last post I have seen three, 2 alive and one dead in the house and this little guy in the picture below trying to sneak in through the kitchen window.   It drives my husband absolutely nuts every time I scream when I see one of these or any other critters in or around the house.

Last night I had a scare with my husband.  We had a great day.  He stayed home from work because his stomach was upset in the morning.  When things got better in the afternoon we went to the beach.  We sat and enjoyed the scenery, drank frozen cocktails and bough fresh fish from the fisherman who frequent the beach.  Clouds began to move in so we decided to come back to the house to wait the storm out.  It actually never rained and we then left the house again around 7 pm to go to his baseball game.  They played two games and it was around 11 when we finally got back to the house.  On our way home from the game we stopped at a food truck alongside the road and at first I didn’t want anything because food trucks are iffy for me in the United States so I can only imagine what shenanigans might come from eating from one here in the DR.  My husband ordered and so did his friends that were riding with us.  I was really hungry so while I watched the others start to eat I was thinking about what I had at the house that I could make quick at 11 at night.  My husbands food was finished and he came over to where we were sitting.  He offered me some and well lets just say he never got it back.  He ended up having to place another order.  This is payback from the popcorn LOL.  I have no idea what I was eating but it was good.  There was chicken in it, fries and cheese.  Anyway so we get home and both finish eating and then we decide to season the fish that we bought so we can have it for dinner tomorrow.   My husband is one of the messiest people in the kitchen I’ve ever known.  He cleaned and cut the fish and then we seasoned it.  When I tell you there was fish parts everywhere in that kitchen when he was done I am not lying.  Of course he walks away from the mess his excuse is that he needs to use the restroom.  I start cleaning up the kitchen and put the fish away.  My husband walks out a few minutes later rubbing his back and with a very concerned look on his face.  He tells me that we need to go to the hospital.  He goes back to the bathroom and I follow him.  There’s blood in the toilet.  I know that he has kidney problems and I can tell that he’s in pain now and we need to go.  I start preparing to leave I consider this situation to be urgent and we need to leave ASAP.  Meanwhile my husband says he needs to take a shower which I can understand since he just played baseball for the past 4 hours and is covered in fish parts from cleaning and cutting the fish.  He goes into the bathroom and I hear him shaving.  I’m thinking okay I’m not sure that’s necessary but whatever.  I do finally hear the water running so he’s showering.  After his shower he starts to get dressed and decides that he needs to wear a shirt that needs to be ironed.  I’m rolling my eyes at this point, I mean I’m glad this isn’t an emergency or anything.  We iron the shirt.  I say we because I start to do it but obviously I wasn’t doing it right or fast enough because he comes in and takes over which was fine with me because I rarely iron and don’t really like doing it.  He’s dressed finally, approximately 45 minutes since he announced that we had to go to the hospital right now.  But now we have to do the hair.  Okay ya’ll this man’s hair is always on point.  The curls have to be popping.  10 minutes or so later his hair is done so now we can leave.  Even though he’s the patient he has to drive which is fine with me because I don’t like driving at night, especially here because the dogs run wild at night here.  There are dogs everywhere in the streets and they play chicken with no fear of the cars at all.

We arrive at the Brugal clinic.  I’m sorry but I just think this is funny.  I mean everyone here drinks Brugal like it’s water so to me going to the Brugal clinic seems like you’re getting IV’s full of rum LOL.  He gets checked in and immediately goes back to get treated.  I sit in the waiting area for about an hour with his niece and then finally his niece tells me that I can go back to see him.  I find my husband lying in a bed hooked up to a Brugal IV (Sorry I couldn’t resist) sleeping.  Okay all my mothers out there.  You know how when your kids are sleeping?  You look at them and how peaceful they are and you are filled with so much love?  Yep well it’s the same thing or at least it should be when your hubby is sick.  Seeing him lying there like that just did something to me.  Being a writer is a gift and a curse.  I joke with my one writer friend all the time about the curse because it means we’re very creative and we are usually thinking about all sorts of scenarios all the time.  For example as we were driving to the hospital last night I’m wondering what the process is to plan a funeral here.  I know that sounds morbid but I seriously thought about the fact that I had no idea what the process is and maybe I should know that because if something happens to my husband I will be responsible for planning everything right?  Anyway back to reality once the IV is finished we can leave and he is told to follow up with doctors tomorrow.  We finally get back to the house around 4 am.  I’m beyond exhausted.  He says he feels better but is still in some pain and now his arms hurts from the IV.

He sleeps fairly peacefully for a few hours and then he’s up and out of the house to go to his follow up appointments.  He tells me to stay here at the house while he goes for his various test and to cook because he will be hungry when he gets back.  I protested for about 30 seconds and then I remembered that cold hard chair I was sitting in last night for the better part of 3 hours and I quickly realized that staying here to cook was the better option.  I’m also slightly less concerned about him because he’s feeling better than he was last night.

I remember a previous post where I talked about having so much respect for housewives now than ever before.  Well this week I'm going to add a little twist to that.  Being a housewife is hard work but trying to do all the things a housewife does while her husband is at home sick is the absolute worst scenario.  I titled this weeks post food fights because when I look back on the week it seems like that is literally what we did everyday.   I’m really trying my best to be a good wife and not curse my husband the hell out, especially since he's been sick but he's trying my patience ya'll.  He got up this morning and left for his appt at 8 am.  Before he left he told me that he wanted me to cook beef today, okay well I assumed it was for dinner.  Anyway he leaves and I go about my day.  I make myself breakfast, I thaw out the meat and when the electricity in the kitchen comes on I put the meat in the crock-pot.  That’s how he likes me to cook it now.  Okay everyone news flash the crock-pot is a slow cooker right?  So that means it cooks things slowly.  Around noon my husband shows up and I’m here in my office working on my book and my blog.  He looks around and there’s no food on the table so he says.  "Where’s the food?  I’m hungry, no food all day".  I calmly get up and show him the crock-pot where the beef is cooking.    Then he looks over at the stove and says," NO Arroz (Rice)?"  OMG didn’t you tell me you didn’t want rice everyday anymore?  You had rice two days in a row so I was planning on making potatoes.  No he wants rice and he’s starving so I tell him I will make him a sandwich to hold him until everything is ready.  He says okay fine but make it two sandwiches because he’s starving.  While I'm fixing his sandwiches he tells me that he has to go back out in a little while to another appointment.  I need a few things from the store so I figure I'll run to the store quick since he's eaten the sandwiches and I can finish the beef and rice while he goes to his next appointment for dinner.  I go to the store and purchase what I need and when I return to the house he's got the rice already made and he's asking me if the beef is ready yet because he's still hungry.  LOL.  I talk to my daughter everyday and she told me that it seems that the only conflict my husband and I have at this point stems from food and she’s right.  If I cook he’s not hungry, if I don’t cook or it’s not finished cooking  yet he’s starving.  The good news is that even though there's some conflict at times there are also plenty of laughs and lots of love in our house.  Someone asked me if my husband can cook and the answer is yes,  He's actually a great cook and a lot of what I've learned about cooking for him has come from him.  At this point I want to do most of the cooking because practice makes perfect.  

This week was a great week because I got to the beach twice and both times my husband was able to accompany me.

Well I'm going to be in the United States for a couple of weeks so there may be a little bit of a lag in my post while I'm back stateside.  I hope you all enjoyed this weeks post and I look forward to reading your comments and feedback.

Dominican Housewife Chronicles (Believe)

This picture was taken in February of 2017.   This has always been one of my favorite pictures of us together.  Recently my husband shared with me that it was during this date when this picture was taken that he felt that he was starting to fall in love with me.  We got married in October 2017 three weeks shy of our one year anniversary.

This week had it challenges as I am still adjusting to married life in a foreign country with a man who doesn't speak English and I'm still learning Spanish.  As if marriage alone wasn't difficult enough to navigate when you add all of those other factors in it's no wonder I used the word challenges right?  LOL.  Although my husband and I do not speak each others language very well we've developed a unique way of communicating with each other while we are both working on learning the others language.  At this point my Spanish is much further along than his English but he's still working on it.  I think mine is much better because I've spent so much time here listening to Spanish all the time.

I titled this weeks post Believe because it's the title of one of my favorite songs and it's fitting based on my life right now.  At times I still wake up thinking that this was all a dream.  Whoever said that you will find love when you least expect it wasn't lying.  I was not looking for a husband, love or even a relationship when I met my husband.  Even though we couldn't communicate very well at all back then there was this connection between us from the very start.  OK enough with the warm and fuzzy stuff let's get into the real meat and potatoes of this thing.  I used the meat and potatoes metaphor because this week has been a series of communication and miscommunication about food.  In one of my previous posts I mentioned the issue with when he expects food to be ready each day well the saga continued this week but with a twist.  My husband who I think is pretty good shape has decided that hes getting too fat and he needs to go on a diet.  I'm not going to lie I was very annoyed at first because I've spent months learning how to cook Dominican food the way he likes it.  I'm finally comfortable in the kitchen and able to hold my own and now he's changing the script.  The one thing that we argued about awhile back was rice.  Well guess what ya'll?  Now that I can make a perfect pot of rice blind folded with my hands tied behind my back he's decided he doesn't want to eat rice anymore.  I was like really?  I love popcorn and usually have some at night as my snack after dinner and before bed.  Before I make it I ask him if he wants any so I know how much to make.  Last night I asked him if he wanted popcorn and he said no because he wasn't hungry.  Well check this out


That's him with his hand in the 2nd bowl of popcorn I made because he ate the first one.

I have to give a brief update on laundry this week.  I'm not going to lie ya'll I had to call for backup this week.  I called his niece who lives down the street to come and help me figure out where to hang the clothes to dry.  Well of course she came and just took over the entire clothes washing operation.  I was thankful for the help and with both of us we got it all done in about two hours.  I did end up having to go into the backyard to hang some of the clothes and of course while it was my turn to hang the clothes the clothes line decided to break (It was made of wood and the wood must have rotted).  I'm standing in the back yard yelling AYUADAME (HELP ME) in Spanish while trying to hold onto the clothes so they don't get dirty again.  I think next week I will be able to handle it myself I did learn a few tricks from her this week and I have a better idea of how to handle the drying process now.

Because it's such a challenge to communicate at times I think that sometimes my husband just decides it's easier not to and that leads to other problems.  For example the other morning I woke up around 6:15 to an empty house.  I remember feeling him getting out of bed and I assumed he was getting ready to go to work but when I heard the front door close and he hadn't come back into the bedroom to kiss me goodbye I knew something else was going on.  I get up and sure enough I see him driving off in the car.  I was instantly irritated.  A million thoughts and questions were going through my head.  I go back into the bedroom and I grab my cell phone and I send him a simple text that says Donde Estas (where are you)?  I investigate around the house and I determine that he hasn't gone to work early because his work clothes, shoes etc are still here.  So where could he be?  I attempt to lie back down but my mind is racing.  I'm getting angrier and angrier as each minute passes.  I'm on my cell phone checking the price for flights back home.  I'm mentally trying to determine if I can fit all of my things in the two large suitcases I have here with me.  About 45 minutes later my husband returns and once he realizes that I'm not asleep he comes into the room and I didn't have to say one word.  He could tell by the look on my face that I was not happy.  Obviously he hadn't checked his phone because as soon as he saw my face he reached into his pocket and looked at his phone.  He begins to explain in Spanish of course where he was, at the gym with his friend from work.  He signed up to join the gym because he's getting fat from my good cooking.  Ok ya'll I know that he threw that last part in there to soften my mood because I was on fire.  He showers and gets dressed for work and I'm still lying in the bed fuming but of course a little less angry because I have an explanation and he's okay.  Before he leaves for work he comes back into the room to give me a goodbye kiss and to assess my mood.  That's one thing I love about him he doesn't ever want me to be unhappy.  We will talk it out for as long as it takes until he feels that I'm happy.  There's no such thing as going to bed angry or leaving the house angry with us which is awesome.  We talk and I explain that I was upset because he didn't tell me he was leaving.  I didn't like waking up to him being gone and me not knowing where he was.   He said he understood and he apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again. Once he was satisfied that I was in a better mood, he left for work.  After he left for work I spent sometime with my feelings about the entire situation. While I was lying in the bed earlier wondering where my husband was and coming up with all types of scenarios I thought about my exit plan.  I'm ashamed to admit that but I did consider it and then it hit me that he's my husband, for better or for worse, no matter what.  This isn't just some casual relationship. It's not disposable.  It's until death do us part.  I grabbed my voice recorded the following thoughts:

Marriage is rough ya’ll.  You know if I’m being honest there have been a few times when I was like, what the heck was I thinking, why did I do this?  I want out.  I’m only three months in and there have been times when I thought that.  You know this is not my first marriage this is my third.  It occurred to me that if we treated marriage like motherhood or parenthood there would be a lot less divorces.  Because no matter how tired or irritated or frustrated you get with your children they are still your children and can’t leave them, you can’t divorce them.  So no matter how challenging marriage gets or frustrating you have to stay in there you gotta stick it out. You need to treat marriage like parenthood.  There will be ups and there will be downs.  There will be miscommunication.  There will be all kinds of things that you wish didn’t happen but at the end the  day just like with your children when you get through all of that other stuff you gotta get back to the love. You gotta get back to what made you want to be with this person.  What made you love them enough to stand before God and your friends or whatever the situation is and raise your hand up and take those vows.  That’s what you have to get back to all the time.  

I love pictures so when I need a reminder about why I'm here with him I go back and look at our pictures.  I also made a short video after we got married that I love and I often play it as a reminder of that day and how wonderful it was.  (I'm not sure if you will be able to view this video or not I've never attached a video here before.  Post a note in comments to let me know if you can see the video or not.)

Every day will not be a fairy tale like our wedding day.  In fact most days won't be a fairy tale but you have to press on through the tough stuff to get to the good stuff. 

Dominican Housewife Chronicles

Hello everyone.  Here's a picture of me sitting at my new desk writing.  I'm so excited that I was able to find a nice desk and chair really cheap so that I can write more comfortably.  Sitting on the bed and sofa were really wearing my back out.



This was an interesting week for me. At first I was very lonely and bored.  I missed having a companion here with me during the day.  My visitor from last week left to go home.  The first day I was so bored that I organized the grocery store bags that we use for trash.  I used old apple juice containers to create dispensers for the bags. I cut the bottom on three sides to create an hinged like opening to put the bags in. I used tape to cover the jagged edges from the cutting.  The most labor intensive part of this process was actually sorting the bags, large versus small and then systematically folding the bags and linking them so that when you pull one out another one is pulled up and is ready for the next time. I was serious about this little project and I'm very proud of my creation. Here are some pics.

I realized just this week that I am legit a real live housewife.  I went from being a retired IT Director to a Dominican house wife.  How did I get from there to here?   It's a story of love, compromise, major cultural differences, love, communication, miscommunication, faith, hope and love.  The greatest of these things is love. After this week and this realization of my new role I must say that I have a new found respect for housewives.  I’ve been here for 5 weeks now and each week that I've been here it I've taken on more domestic responsibilities.  You see in the beginning there was a sister which I called her my sister wife because she did everything that a wife would do for my husband except sleep with him.  So when I first starting visiting and up until this last trip I never cooked or cleaned anything.  I wasn't allowed to.  His sister was here everyday to do all the cooking and cleaning.  At first it was nice to be able to come here and relax and have someone else take care of those things.  However as more time passed and I began to spend more time here and especially after we got married it became an issue for me.  I didn't think it was appropriate for her to be doing all of those things.  So I've slowly  been taking over these tasks from her.  It hasn't been easy trust me but this is the first week that I've done all the cooking, cleaning and washing of the clothes for my husband and I.  I have no idea how housewives do it when they have kids cause this is a mess.  Like where does the time go?  He leaves for work in the morning and the next thing I know he’s coming home.  I barely have time to clean and this is a very small house.  It’s a little two bedroom one bathroom house.  I'm trying to cook and  like where does the time go?  I do spend a lot of time at the grocery store. I cannot shop here like I shop at home.  At home I can get groceries for the whole week or couple of weeks.  I can’t do that here for a number of reasons.  One it’s hot and  humid.  A lot of things are going to go bad so you don’t want to buy things in large quantity.  Even though we have a refrigerator and I put stuff in the refrigerator it turns off every day for like a couple of hours because of the electricity issue.  So there are things that do not last very long even in there because of the constant temperature fluctuations.

I've mastered the cooking thing now but not without some hiccups.  Now that my husband enjoys my cooking so much we're having an issue with getting the communication and timing down.  My husband is supposed to work until 4 pm and I know that when he comes home from work he usually likes to eat right away.  Please pay attention to the word usually.  This week we had some minor conflicts because of schedule changes, expectations and severe hunger LOL.  Let me tackle expectations first.  I expect food to be eaten when it's cooked because I do not like cold or room temperature food.  My husband expects there to be food whenever he's hungry LOL.  Most of the time when he comes home from work he's hungry and wants to eat right away.  Those are the good days because it meets my expectation and I make sure there's food ready by 4 pm.  Some days he doesn't want to eat right away he has other things he wants to do first.  The food is ready and I want to eat but he doesn't.  Then there's the days when he gets off early and walks in and expects food to be ready but it's not.  So after realizing we had different expectations we sat down and talked.  We both agreed that food will be ready by 4 pm.  If he eats it when it's hot great if not it will be there when he gets hungry later. 

This weeks challenge was taking on washing the clothes.  That was an adventure because it's very different how it's done here.  It was an all day event and I only got my husbands clothes and a load of towels done the first day.  The towels need to be washed again though because they didn’t dry properly so they smell funny.  So let me describe the process for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about.  There is this small appliance that they call a washing machine or Lavado.



It’s pretty small but it actually does clean the clothes, yes I was surprised.  There is one side where you put water, detergent and set the timer and it swishes the clothes around in a circular motion.  There is no blade or anything like in my washing machine at home.  Just the circular swishing motion.  My machine does have two settings Fuerte (hard) and normal.    On the other side of this appliance is the spin or wind dry.  So here is the process.  You fill the washer side up with how ever much water you need for the load.  While the water is being added you add your detergent which is a mixture of power and some soap which is a bar and you cut it with a knife.  After the water is added and the soap has been added you put the clothes in and select the time for washing 3, 6, 9, 12 or 15 minutes are the options I have.   I should add that while you are filling it with water it is very important to make sure that it’s set to wash and not drain or all the water will just come out.  Of course I learned that lesson the hard way.  After the clothes are finished washing you don’t just put them in the wind dry spinner.  You need two separate huge buckets, one with plain water to rinse and the second one with water and softener.  Remove clothes from the washer put into the plain water to rinse and then put into the water with the softener, then you put in the wind dry to spin as much of the water out as possible before you hang the clothes to dry.  SO here is where things get a little dicey for me.  I do not like grass.  I don’t ever want to walk in it even with shoes on if possible.  It’s worse here because there is so much trash and all types of animal feces everywhere.  There is a clothes line but it’s behind the house which requires me to walk through a bunch of nonsense that I’m just not going to do.  For my maiden washing voyage I decided to use hangers and clothes pins and hang the clothes out front on the patio.  It worked well for the shirts and some of the pants but not for the towels so I am going to have to come up with something better for that for the next time.  My husband suggested that I put the clothes up on the roof to dry.  You're probably thinking, the roof?  What in the world so let me explain.  Almost all of the houses here have steps leading up to the roof but there nothing up there. I mean it looks weird to see a single level house with concrete steps leading to nothing right?  That's what you see a lot here and now I understand why. I haven’t ever been up those steps so I have no idea what it looks like up there but I will need to investigate it for future use because the backyard is not an option for me at all.  I learned that this little machine does actually clean but I need to use more detergent and also I need to leave the clothes in the softener water a little longer.  Refine my drying process and try to get my timing down so it doesn’t take as long.  Here is a pic of my bathroom during the clothes washing process.



Stay tuned for more from the Real housewives of the Dominican Republic next week right here on Random Thoughts from Author Terri D's blog.

Life lessons from a 21 year old

Last week I had the pleasure of having a special guest visit me here at my house in the Dominican Republic.  She is an amazing young woman.  She is my son's girlfriend.  They met last year and it's sort of ironic that my son and I are in relationships with Dominicans.  Her name is Nef and she is a beautiful and very smart young lady.  My son, like me has great taste LOL.  It was so nice having Nef here to help pass the time during the day while my  husband is at work.  I learned quite a bit from this young lady  hence the title of my post.  I've learned many things over the past year about this culture but seeing things through the eyes of a 21 year old was enlightening as well.  I did mention already that she is smart.  She is currently enrolled in medical school here and she has been since she was 16 years old.  She speaks English very well and I cannot express how wonderful it is to have someone around who speaks both Spanish and English.  I joked with her that this week she was my google translate and she really was.

I learned how to make fried plantains, moro rice, chicken (Nef's receipe).  How to pick the right avocado and plantains.  She made Passion fruit smoothies which were very good although she really skimped on the sugar in mine.  She's very conscious of my diabetes.  I learned that she is that way because she has close family members who also suffer from the disease and they have not been able to manage theirs as well as I have mine.  I've been here for months and hadn't figured the smart TV out.  Of course it only took her about 5 minutes to master it.  I think the most important lesson of the week was to always pronounce the "L" in the word Salmon here.  Back home most people do not pronounce the "L" and not doing that here will get you a completely different result trust me.

We had many conversations about relationships in general.  Both sharing our views on love.  She was very honest with me about her concerns about my relationship with my husband.  She had met him before and didn't have a bad feeling about him but she just wanted to remind me that it's kind of a thing here for people not just men to get involved with people from other countries in order to get their Visa to leave.  Of course I am very aware of this and struggled for many months with this reality and how I felt about my relationship.  Nef's perception of things is very different than mine of course for a variety of reasons.  The most obvious of course being our age difference but there's also some cultural things mixed in there as well. 

We watched a couple of really interesting movies together and she started watching the Bates Motel series on Netflix.  I had just finished it the week before she came but it was fun watching it again with her.  The days passed quickly and before we both knew it it was time for her to leave.  I had mixed emotions about her leaving  I really enjoyed her company but I also enjoy having the house to myself during the day and spending the nights alone with my husband.  I say it that way because up until a month ago my husbands niece was living with us.  We've recently discovered how nice and quiet the house can be with just the two of us here.  It's also nice to have a second bedroom for him to throw his clothes around in.  I can close the door and only deal with it when I choose to LOL.

All in all it was a great week and I'm happy that I was able to spend the time getting to know Nef a lot better since she and my son are in a relationship.  Oh and she let me know that she plans to marry him.  I remember being young and in love and confident that it was the love of my lifetime.  Boy how things change but also remain the same.