Intellectual Humility

It has been a few weeks since I posted anything and I wasn't really sure what I wanted to cover in this post until a few days ago.  I had the opportunity to participate in two separate interviews last week. 

One was with Ella Curry and her Ban Radio show.  I was one of her guest on her Mind Your Business Crown holders master class.  I talked about my Connecting the Dots Life Coaching business.  During the interview I touched on several concepts that were covered during my training last year but there was one in particular that stood out as something that more people need to be aware of in our current climate.  I'm not a political person so this isn't really about politics at all.  It is about how hard it is getting for me to remain positive about things with so much negativity everywhere. At times I barely recognize this world that I am living in.  So much greed and hate.  Where is the love and compassion?  I choose this quote and photo because it is one of my favorites and it is also very true.  How many times have you struggled to remember exactly what someone said to you but you could remember how it made you feel?

I decided to talk about Intellectual Humility.  The idea or concept of Intellectual Humility has been around for quite some time, however in my life coaching training manual it quotes Dr. Elizabeth Mancuso, Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University, who talks about being humble about your ideas, beliefs and thoughts.  She referred to it as Intellectual Humility.

She goes on to explain that "Intellectual Humility has four particular behaviors and attitudes:

1) Not being overconfident about your knowledge and beliefs,

2) Being open to adjusting and revising your knowledge and beliefs when necessary,

3) Being respectful of the view points of others, and

4) Not being defensive when others have a different perspective than yours."

I understand that not everyone thinks the same way that I do and I believe that I allow others to express their views freely without arguing or making them feel that their opinions do not matter.  Everyone is a bit on edge right now and I get it.  We have all been isolated in our homes for the last two months.  Frustrations and emotions are running high.  People want OUT of their houses, they want things to be the way they were.  Some consider many things that we are being asked to do unfair.  Throw into the mix the tense political climate due to the upcoming election and you have the perfect storm for conflict. 

I have lived long enough to know that there will always be conflict and people will disagree.  I guess what I am trying to say is that things appear to be getting worse.  People are no longer able to just agree to disagree and leave it at that.  Why does someone have to be wrong and the other person is right?  What happened to the golden rule?  Treat others as you would like to be treated?

Imagine how things could be if we practiced a little more intellectual humility?  Will this solve all the problems of the world?  Absolutely not BUT it certainly couldn't hurt.  The respect that you want from others starts with you giving it to others, or better yet respecting yourself first. 

Google Intellectual Humility and  you will find a lot of information and quotes from different people about what it means.  In a nutshell it is about the four items mentioned above and maybe interacting with one another with a little more compassion and love.   

The second interview I had last week was with The Voice 17104 Harrisburg PA, The Nathaniel Gadsden.  The show was centered around international travel and cross-cultural relationships.  I was able to share information about my travel and living experiences in the Dominican Republic.  I thoroughly enjoyed participating in the show and sharing information about my experiences which are also covered in my memoir titled Passport Wife.  You can check out all of my books here on my website www.AuthorTerriD.com

My husband is also on lock down in the Dominican Republic and things have been closed so as of now there is not an update on his visa but we are both remaining prayerful that once things open up again the process will continue and he will be able to join me here in the United States. Until then this is how we will be together.

May 2020 Changes are coming

Like the expression goes April showers bring May flowers,

many people will be blooming like flowers this month as restrictions are gradually lifted.  Just like everyone processed the stay at home orders differently everyone will handle the restrictions being lifted in their own way.  Some will be running from their homes with joy while others may be a bit more tentative about leaving the comfort and safety of their homes. I'm more than likely going to be in the later category.  Due to several underlying health issues I need to remain very cautious, therefore my reentry into society, even with social distancing guidelines will be a bit slower.

In these unprecedented times we all have to process and make decisions that are best for us and what we feel comfortable with.  Most of all we must practice compassion and patience with ourselves and each other.  Remember that everyone doesn't think or process things the same way you do.  Other people are allowed to have their own opinions and it doesn't have to cause a fight.  It really is okay to agree to disagree.

This pandemic has taught us so many things.  We've learned how to handle many things virtually, we've been working, home schooling, virtual doctor appointments, socializing and learning how to be creative and have fun in new ways.  Over the past 7 weeks I have seen so many creative ideas, virtual game nights, dance parties, new fun challenges one of my personal favorites was the Don't Rush challenge.  Many people making masks and finding other ways to help others during this time where many people's lives and livelihoods have been disrupted.  Many have taken this time to relax, recharge and reset.  Whatever path  you choose it was probably exactly what you needed.  For those who are essential workers and especially healthcare workers who've had to continue working even under extremely stressful conditions I applaud you and thank you for all you've done and will continue to do.

As for me, I was somewhere in the middle.  There have been days over the past seven weeks where I've been very productive and there have been days where I felt like I could barely get out of bed.  A few things that I've realized about myself during this time are:

1) I have way too many pajamas and I don't know why so many of them are grey, my favorite color is blue.
2) I'm beginning to understand how hermits survive.  I'm discovering new ways to not leave the house everyday.
3) Why am I so much more productive here at home?  There are so many distractions but yet I'm getting things done.
4) There are pros and cons to living alone during a pandemic.  I think that I personally experienced all of the emotions associated with them at some point over the past seven weeks.

One of my greatest accomplishments during this time has been the release of my latest book titled Journaling for Self-Care for Young Adults.  Available on Amazon (Link  below)

Journaling for Self-Care

I have kept journals since I was a teenager.  It's one of the ways I process my thoughts and feelings.  Although this book was released at a time when many people need help dealing with their emotions it wasn't planned this way.  This content was created for a workshop on how to journal I was scheduled to do at my high school Alma mater on May 1st, but of course it got cancelled.  The book is a great tool for those who need a little help working through their thoughts, feelings and even to set goals for the future.

The affects of this pandemic are far from over and for many their lives have been forever changed.  Remember to practice patience and compassion with yourself and others.

Blessings to all

Terri

Deep thoughts

No matter where you are in the world right now, chances are your life has in some way been impacted by the Corona virus.  Here in Pennsylvania where I live today our governor issued a stay at home order and schools have been closed indefinitely.  We have entered into unfamiliar territory in all aspects of our lives.  Kids out of school, parents working from home or out of work, businesses closed, churches closed and streaming services.  There are more questions than answers.  Everyone  has been impacted in some way by this pandemic.  My heart aches for the children who are struggling to understand what's  happening, not understanding why they can't see their friends.  The students who were looking forward to proms, and graduation ceremonies.  Parents please take a minute to talk to your children about how they are feeling.  Business owners, investors and salespeople who had big plans for 2020.  Couples with wedding plans or expecting children.  Things have been completely turned upside down.  We all need to be patient and realize that it's not going to fix itself over night. 

Maybe it's just me but things on social media have been a little different lately.  I've noticed a little less bickering about political differences and more collaboration.  We have DJ's hosting virtual dance parties, musicians hosting impromptu concerts, some amazing face time collaborations.  People are banding together to share positive messages, prayers, pictures of hearts, beaches and landscapes to flood our timelines with positive images and messages to get our minds off of the news occasionally. We're checking in on each other, hosting virtual happy hours, date nights and my family has started family check in's via zoom.  Teachers are driving through the neighborhoods of their students to let them know that they're missed. 

These are all wonderful things, all proof that there is still some humanity in the world.  However none of those things take away from the seriousness of this pandemic.  We all need to listen to the authorities and follow their advice and guidance in order to slow the spread as quickly as possible.  Many people are expressing the sentiment that they are "stuck" at home.  No my friends we are safe at home right now.  Let's attend to all of those things we didn't have time for before because we were too busy doing things outside of our homes.   

On the other side of this pandemic what will the world look like?  How will this impact how we live our lives moving forward?  Those are questions that we cannot answer but maybe you've thought about them?  During times like this with so much uncertainty it's best to stay focused on the things happening around you that you can control.  Worry is truly a waste of energy when it's truly out of your hands.

I haven't spoken to anyone yet who isn't feeling some type of anxiety over what's happening right now.  Although no one really knows what's going to happen I think it's safe to say that things will probably never be as they were.  We are all being forced to examine ourselves on every level possible right now.  We're being tested in unimaginable ways.  It's because of this fact I implore you to seek help if you're feeling overwhelmed, extremely frustrated, angry and/or sad.  I've seen articles talking about the increase in both child abuse and domestic violence over the past few weeks.  Some predict a surge in births in nine months where others expect the already high divorce rate to skyrocket. No one really knows but during this difficult, stressful time take a moment to acknowledge your feelings and seek help. 

If you're interested in learning more about how to journal leave a comment or visit my website to contact me via email.   I recently finished my how to journal book titled Journaling for Self-Care for young adults.  It will be released to the public in the coming months.  Stay tuned. 

I'm sharing a link below of a therapist that is talking to as many people as she possible can via phone during this confusing time.  Reach out today or refer a friend.

 www.empowermentinsights.com

Social distancing - Week 1

Well I'm sure that many of you are still trying to find your way through all if this madness.  Kids home from school.  You are (if you're lucky) working from home.  Sounds great right?  HA HA well I'm sure most of you have already lost that loving feeling for your loved ones at least once.  Listen it's hard to adjust especially when something like this is thrust upon you with little to no notice and you had no choice.  I'm having my own struggles with all of this but I'm not going to get into that.  I want to try my best to remain positive and share some things that might help.

We're all having all types of emotions about what's going on.  Sometimes it's  hard to express those even to your closest friends because you don't want to expose yourself or feel vulnerable or maybe you're supposed to be the strong one.  Whatever your situation is everyone has feelings and it's never a good idea to try to hide them or push them aside.  My advice, not that you asked but during tough times like this you have to remember to take care of yourself.  I know it's probably hard to think about how to do that when you've got so much on your plate but all those people who you're caring for and who are depending on you?  Where will they be if you can't anymore?  During stressful times it's best to take a minute for yourself.

Think about this.  We've all been sent home in order to stop this virus from spreading.  What if there's an even bigger reason?  Most of us are so busy doing things outside of the house that we typically don't spend a lot of time together at home with our families.  Now that we're being forced to we're finding it a little uncomfortable.  I'm not saying you don't love your families, I know you do.  Well I hope you do lol.  Seriously though maybe this new routine has you in a space that you've never been before.  Maybe you're feeling new things or maybe you're learning new things about yourself, your significant other and your kids.  Maybe you're also learning your true value or worth in the eyes of your employer or colleagues, friends and other family members.  I think we all need to take this time to  take care of our own house. 

I listened to a few sermons on Sunday and one Pastor said we all need to take inventory.  I agree with that 100%, own it all. The good stuff, the difficult stuff, the angry stuff.  All of your stuff.  Along with stuff coming at you from your significant others or kids.  Take inventory of your feelings.  I'm a writer so my suggestion is to write down how you feel.  Yes, like on paper with a pen or a pencil.  I'm sure you're been spending way too much time on social media so put the phone, tablet, laptop down, step away from the computer.  Find yourself a quiet space (if possible) and relax for a few minutes.  Take time to sit with your feelings.  Write down how you're feeling, let it all out, pour it onto the paper.  Sometimes that's all you need to do is to recognize the feelings, yes your feelings want to be heard and acknowledged too.  Sitting with  your feelings and just allowing yourself to feel whatever it is is very therapeutic.  Now once you do that depending on the feelings you might need to take things a step or two further, but you'll know if just getting the feelings out was enough to relief some pressure or if you might need a little more. 

During this extremely stressful time we are all living through right now there are many resources available online to get help.  If you're employed you might be able to contact your employers EAP line to talk to someone.  I'm not a therapist or counselor I'm just someone who has been through some things over the years and I'm sharing how I've managed to cope.  Writing is my outlet.  Maybe for you it's reading, or painting.  You know what works well for you and again if prior methods aren't working for you.  Please ask for help.  You're not alone and there's no shame in asking for a little help.
Sharing link with you to a Facebook page where we've posted some helpful links from others to help during this stressful time.

https://www.facebook.com/LiveLifeEsteem/

Until next time please my friends practice social distancing until the authorities tell us it's okay to socialize again.

Terri D

Don't Blink

January 2020 seemed to have lasted forever but February 2020 flew past.  I feel like I blinked and it was gone.  It’s been a very emotional time for a number of reasons.  The untimely death of Kobe Bryant affected many people all over the world for so many reasons.  He was one of the greatest basketball players of all time BUT he was also so many other things to so many people.  I can’t say that I was a Kobe fan per se.  I knew of him of course, I watched him play but wasn’t really aware of many aspects of his life that are now being talked about.  Two very special people in my life were affected by his passing, my youngest daughter, Jennifer is one of the biggest basketball fans I’ve ever known.  She loves the game and although the Spurs are her favorite team, she felt the sting of losing Kobe very deeply.  My husband who also loves the game of basketball grew up watching Kobe and actually refers to him as his childhood hero.  I knew that once he heard about this tragedy he would also mourn his loss very personally. To see so many people mourning him has been difficult to watch and maybe for some even harder to handle all the why’s.  My heart aches for his wife Vanessa because I cannot imagine her pain and suffering right now. 

My hometown of Harrisburg, PA is now mourning the loss of an Icon, Vera Cornish recently passed away and when the news broke of her death my social media was on fire.  So many people had been touched by her place in our community.  Although I wasn’t a close personal friend of hers I know Vera and we interacted many times over the years I’ve lived here.  Most recently was last year at an event where we were both vendors selling our books.  Although Vera wasn’t a celebrity like Kobe the similarities of the response of the news of her death and his hit home for me.  They were both loved by so many people from so many different backgrounds, races, cultures, etc.  The one thing I noticed immediately after Kobe’s death was how his death and the mourning and grief spanned all ethnic backgrounds, political beliefs etc.  Everyone loved Kobe.  I see now that everyone in this small town of Harrisburg, PA loved Vera as well.  This is proof to me that we can all come together and agree on something.  We don’t have to constantly be divided by our skin color, political views, social or financial status.  In the face of tragedy or grief we can all just be human beings.  That’s what I love, those little glimpses of how things could be if we all just took a minute and thought about it.  It’s okay to look different and have different ideas and beliefs.  We can disagree on things and still agree that we’re all human and all deserve the basic rights and respect from one another.

I titled this post don’t blink because it all goes by so fast, life that is.  We’re all shocked by the sudden death of someone who we thought should still be here.  We take a brief moment and think about our own mortality but honestly most don’t think about it long enough to actually do anything about it.  There’s really nothing you can do to prevent death and we never know when it’s coming but what you can do is make sure that you make your life count for something.  Everyone won’t be famous like Kobe or even as well known in  your own little towns as Vera was in Harrisburg, PA but that doesn’t mean that you or your legacy can’t mean something.  What’s really sad is that oftentimes people die and they never really knew how we felt about them.  Why is it so easy to tell people how much they meant to you when they’re dead but you didn’t tell them when they were alive?  

I feel like my life has been changed so much in 2020, in so many ways and it’s all good.  I’m continuing to enjoy my participation in the Crown Holders Sisterhood group which was created by Ella Curry.  I’m interacting with many woman I’ve never met but we all share something in common, we’re driven to pursue our dreams.  I’m getting things done that I didn’t even know I needed to do.  I’ve gotten back to planning my time and sticking to those plans as much as possible.  I’m examining my connections and making tough decisions as to how I move forward with or without some of them.  I’m choosing to be more strategic in my relationships.  To spend more time with those who pour into my cup, not just take out of it.  I’m a giver by nature but I’m learning that my cup will always be empty if I don’t make sure it’s getting replenished on a regular basis.  If it’s not bringing me peace, it must go.

This coming month, March is bringing with it many new opportunities.  I'll be staring a new job, My non profit will officially have office space, I'm picking up the keys tomorrow.  I have several projects in the works which I expect to complete within the next month.  I’m going to be busy but productive and I'm expecting tremendous growth through it all.   

It's finally over.. January that is

Hello all:

Is it me or did January seem like the longest month ever?  I mean has it only been 2020 for 31 days?  It feels like months since we celebrated the holidays.  Anyway I’ve been  busy ya’ll.  I mean really getting things done and making plans to get even more accomplished in the next few months.  Okay quick update on hubby.  He’s still not here.  Then end. lol.  Listen I have to laugh to keep from crying.  I mean I do still cry sometimes but not as often and I am really getting on with living my life as  best I can without him by my side.  I get really mad when I have to do something that I really wish he was here to do for me.  Like shoveling the snow.  I was hot about that ya’ll for real.  I actually made a video of me mad shoveling the snow and sent it to my husband.  I’m sure he was like yeah I’m glad I’m not there right now lol.  I came in the house and angry typed a message to the attorney we are working with too.  Everybody heard from me that day.  Seriously things are slow but they haven’t stopped.  The attorney is still working to get the requested documents so that we can submit them.  She explained to me yesterday that although they’ve only requested three documents in some cases it takes several documents to obtain one.  Also some documents that were submitted previously need to be redone because they were not done properly which could be part of the problem.  So like I said he’s still there. 

I’m here still working my day job, helping my mom three nights a week with the parenting programs and taking my online classes.  That’s just the main stuff.  Things I’m obligated to do.  I’ve been busy doing other things that I want to do as well.  My new found energy and excitement can be attributed to two things:  1) I’m back in church singing in the choir YASSSSS.  I love it, never realized how much I missed it.  I hadn’t left church per se, but haven’t sung in the choir for at least three years.  2) I got invited to join a Face book group called the Crown Holders Sisterhood.  Ella, Curry who is a household name among many in the literary world created this group by invitation only and it has been and I hope will continue to be an awesome experience.  Ella has many years of experience with the book industry but it’s not just about that.  She’s sharing all types of information with us about how to market ourselves, how to prioritize and plan. She shares many positive uplifting quotes and articles.  There’s so much.  It’s exactly what I needed because I have so many things that I let go in 2019 that need to be handled this year.  

So I'll  hit the ground running February 1^st.  I’ve got my new planning system in place (going old school ya’ll desk calendar with color coded items by category).   Check it out. 

I've also moved my home office from the basement to across the hall from my bedroom upstairs.  I love my new location.  There's light and it's warmer up here too.  They say sometimes a change of scenery is good for the soul.  I believe it because this has been one of the most productive weeks I've had in a very long time.

Areas of focus in 2020 are my non profit organization, A Blessing for You, ABFU.  Assembling my board of directors and working on finding grants, sponsors and partnerships this year.  

I plan to put my life coaching certification to work this year.  I recently recorded an audio presentation about the importance of learning how to connect your dots.  I'll be sharing this with you at some point in the near future.  

Author Terri D’s will be focusing on marketing to promote the books already published this year. I have a few in progress projects but not sure I'll get those finished this year with everything else I have planned.   I’ve already started.  I had a book signing last weekend at Barnes and Noble that went very well.  Check out this picture. I'm going to put this on my website.  He's the face of my new marketing campaign.

My goal is to update this blog at least monthly if not more frequently and I'm researching other platforms for my blog also.  Stay tuned

Walking into 2020 with purpose

First I want to thank everyone who reads my blog.  Your continued support has meant the world to me.  Second I must apologize for my silence. It’s been several months since I’ve posted anything, not since September, wow.  I’ve been very transparent here on my blog, sharing my journey with you through this immigration process with my husband.  I’ve been silent for the past few months because I felt I had no voice, nothing to say.  The past few months have been very difficult for me.  I needed some time to process everything.  I’m still processing some things but I have made peace with things as they are.  I’m here and he’s still there.  I’m not where I thought I’d be but I know I’m exactly where I need to be.  That’s because of my faith and belief that all things happen for a reason and in this case some things don’t happen for a reason.  Sometimes we eventually figure out the reason and sometimes we never do.  That’s life. 

Although I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be I’m still blessed beyond measure.  2019 was a year of new life, I have a new grandson, Cameron. New adventures, I completed my certification to become a life coach and I decided to return to school to finish my degree. The Life Coach certification is something I plan to explore more in 2020 but after taking the classes I decided that I would be my first client LOL.  Based on how things have been going with me I thought it best that I use the tools on myself to help me figure some things out.  Last but certainly not least, reflection.  The reflection part is never ending.  In order to have continuous growth we need to constantly reflect and adjust as we experience things and learn.  2019 was a rough year overall.  Being apart from Raulin has been very difficult on us both after having spent so much time together in 2018 and 2017.  

The endless cycle of document request, gathering, translation, travel back and forth and waiting for response from the embassy has really taken it’s toll on us both. The cycle continues unfortunately.  We are currently in the process of responding to another request for information.  I had really hoped that I would be able to leave that craziness behind in 2019 but the universe seemed to have other plans.  The difference now is that we both have to move on and continue living even though we're apart.  I feel that in 2019 we were both stuck in a state of limbo.  We didn't make very much progress not just in regards to the visa process but in our lives in general.  Yes I did accomplish some things and made some decisions towards the end of the year but overall I was stuck in a cycle of just going through the motions each day.  Waiting for the answer.  Never wanting to make plans or commit to anything just in case we got the thumbs up from the embassy.  I can laugh about it now but there was a period of time where I told my daughter that the only plans I had on Saturdays was to drive to New Jersey to pick up Raulin from the airport.  Week after week my dream didn't come true and over time I became numb which led to my silence.  

I went to visit Raulin at the beginning of December a few weeks after we received the most recent letter from the embassy.  It had been about four months since we'd seen each other and we needed to have some hard conversations about our future.  Do we continue to submit documents and wait or do we throw in the towel?  Although we've both been in the mindset to throw in the towel several times I'm happy to report that we've never both been in that same place at the same time.  Whichever one of us is feeling weak and broken down somehow the other has the strength to pull the other back up and we continue to fight.  So we decided we're going to continue to fight. With that said I have decided to stop putting everything else on  hold waiting for the answer.  I've got to get back to living my life fully even though it's without Raulin by my side.  He is still one of my biggest supporters in everything that I do, even from over 1,400 miles away.  So, that means I'll be back to writing more, I'll be focusing on building partnerships to help grow my A Blessing for You non profit this year and I will also continue to explore how to best use my Life Coach certification.  I'll also be continuing with my online classes, working of course and continuing to fight to bring my husband here with me.  

I know at the beginning of the year everyone says new year new me.  Well I'm the same Terri but with a different attitude.  I'm ready to tackle whatever 2020 brings and I'm expecting some wonderful opportunities.  I hope you will all continue to follow my journey.  
Be Blessed
Terri D.