Deep thoughts

No matter where you are in the world right now, chances are your life has in some way been impacted by the Corona virus.  Here in Pennsylvania where I live today our governor issued a stay at home order and schools have been closed indefinitely.  We have entered into unfamiliar territory in all aspects of our lives.  Kids out of school, parents working from home or out of work, businesses closed, churches closed and streaming services.  There are more questions than answers.  Everyone  has been impacted in some way by this pandemic.  My heart aches for the children who are struggling to understand what's  happening, not understanding why they can't see their friends.  The students who were looking forward to proms, and graduation ceremonies.  Parents please take a minute to talk to your children about how they are feeling.  Business owners, investors and salespeople who had big plans for 2020.  Couples with wedding plans or expecting children.  Things have been completely turned upside down.  We all need to be patient and realize that it's not going to fix itself over night. 

Maybe it's just me but things on social media have been a little different lately.  I've noticed a little less bickering about political differences and more collaboration.  We have DJ's hosting virtual dance parties, musicians hosting impromptu concerts, some amazing face time collaborations.  People are banding together to share positive messages, prayers, pictures of hearts, beaches and landscapes to flood our timelines with positive images and messages to get our minds off of the news occasionally. We're checking in on each other, hosting virtual happy hours, date nights and my family has started family check in's via zoom.  Teachers are driving through the neighborhoods of their students to let them know that they're missed. 

These are all wonderful things, all proof that there is still some humanity in the world.  However none of those things take away from the seriousness of this pandemic.  We all need to listen to the authorities and follow their advice and guidance in order to slow the spread as quickly as possible.  Many people are expressing the sentiment that they are "stuck" at home.  No my friends we are safe at home right now.  Let's attend to all of those things we didn't have time for before because we were too busy doing things outside of our homes.   

On the other side of this pandemic what will the world look like?  How will this impact how we live our lives moving forward?  Those are questions that we cannot answer but maybe you've thought about them?  During times like this with so much uncertainty it's best to stay focused on the things happening around you that you can control.  Worry is truly a waste of energy when it's truly out of your hands.

I haven't spoken to anyone yet who isn't feeling some type of anxiety over what's happening right now.  Although no one really knows what's going to happen I think it's safe to say that things will probably never be as they were.  We are all being forced to examine ourselves on every level possible right now.  We're being tested in unimaginable ways.  It's because of this fact I implore you to seek help if you're feeling overwhelmed, extremely frustrated, angry and/or sad.  I've seen articles talking about the increase in both child abuse and domestic violence over the past few weeks.  Some predict a surge in births in nine months where others expect the already high divorce rate to skyrocket. No one really knows but during this difficult, stressful time take a moment to acknowledge your feelings and seek help. 

If you're interested in learning more about how to journal leave a comment or visit my website to contact me via email.   I recently finished my how to journal book titled Journaling for Self-Care for young adults.  It will be released to the public in the coming months.  Stay tuned. 

I'm sharing a link below of a therapist that is talking to as many people as she possible can via phone during this confusing time.  Reach out today or refer a friend.

 www.empowermentinsights.com

Social distancing - Week 1

Well I'm sure that many of you are still trying to find your way through all if this madness.  Kids home from school.  You are (if you're lucky) working from home.  Sounds great right?  HA HA well I'm sure most of you have already lost that loving feeling for your loved ones at least once.  Listen it's hard to adjust especially when something like this is thrust upon you with little to no notice and you had no choice.  I'm having my own struggles with all of this but I'm not going to get into that.  I want to try my best to remain positive and share some things that might help.

We're all having all types of emotions about what's going on.  Sometimes it's  hard to express those even to your closest friends because you don't want to expose yourself or feel vulnerable or maybe you're supposed to be the strong one.  Whatever your situation is everyone has feelings and it's never a good idea to try to hide them or push them aside.  My advice, not that you asked but during tough times like this you have to remember to take care of yourself.  I know it's probably hard to think about how to do that when you've got so much on your plate but all those people who you're caring for and who are depending on you?  Where will they be if you can't anymore?  During stressful times it's best to take a minute for yourself.

Think about this.  We've all been sent home in order to stop this virus from spreading.  What if there's an even bigger reason?  Most of us are so busy doing things outside of the house that we typically don't spend a lot of time together at home with our families.  Now that we're being forced to we're finding it a little uncomfortable.  I'm not saying you don't love your families, I know you do.  Well I hope you do lol.  Seriously though maybe this new routine has you in a space that you've never been before.  Maybe you're feeling new things or maybe you're learning new things about yourself, your significant other and your kids.  Maybe you're also learning your true value or worth in the eyes of your employer or colleagues, friends and other family members.  I think we all need to take this time to  take care of our own house. 

I listened to a few sermons on Sunday and one Pastor said we all need to take inventory.  I agree with that 100%, own it all. The good stuff, the difficult stuff, the angry stuff.  All of your stuff.  Along with stuff coming at you from your significant others or kids.  Take inventory of your feelings.  I'm a writer so my suggestion is to write down how you feel.  Yes, like on paper with a pen or a pencil.  I'm sure you're been spending way too much time on social media so put the phone, tablet, laptop down, step away from the computer.  Find yourself a quiet space (if possible) and relax for a few minutes.  Take time to sit with your feelings.  Write down how you're feeling, let it all out, pour it onto the paper.  Sometimes that's all you need to do is to recognize the feelings, yes your feelings want to be heard and acknowledged too.  Sitting with  your feelings and just allowing yourself to feel whatever it is is very therapeutic.  Now once you do that depending on the feelings you might need to take things a step or two further, but you'll know if just getting the feelings out was enough to relief some pressure or if you might need a little more. 

During this extremely stressful time we are all living through right now there are many resources available online to get help.  If you're employed you might be able to contact your employers EAP line to talk to someone.  I'm not a therapist or counselor I'm just someone who has been through some things over the years and I'm sharing how I've managed to cope.  Writing is my outlet.  Maybe for you it's reading, or painting.  You know what works well for you and again if prior methods aren't working for you.  Please ask for help.  You're not alone and there's no shame in asking for a little help.
Sharing link with you to a Facebook page where we've posted some helpful links from others to help during this stressful time.

https://www.facebook.com/LiveLifeEsteem/

Until next time please my friends practice social distancing until the authorities tell us it's okay to socialize again.

Terri D

Don't Blink

January 2020 seemed to have lasted forever but February 2020 flew past.  I feel like I blinked and it was gone.  It’s been a very emotional time for a number of reasons.  The untimely death of Kobe Bryant affected many people all over the world for so many reasons.  He was one of the greatest basketball players of all time BUT he was also so many other things to so many people.  I can’t say that I was a Kobe fan per se.  I knew of him of course, I watched him play but wasn’t really aware of many aspects of his life that are now being talked about.  Two very special people in my life were affected by his passing, my youngest daughter, Jennifer is one of the biggest basketball fans I’ve ever known.  She loves the game and although the Spurs are her favorite team, she felt the sting of losing Kobe very deeply.  My husband who also loves the game of basketball grew up watching Kobe and actually refers to him as his childhood hero.  I knew that once he heard about this tragedy he would also mourn his loss very personally. To see so many people mourning him has been difficult to watch and maybe for some even harder to handle all the why’s.  My heart aches for his wife Vanessa because I cannot imagine her pain and suffering right now. 

My hometown of Harrisburg, PA is now mourning the loss of an Icon, Vera Cornish recently passed away and when the news broke of her death my social media was on fire.  So many people had been touched by her place in our community.  Although I wasn’t a close personal friend of hers I know Vera and we interacted many times over the years I’ve lived here.  Most recently was last year at an event where we were both vendors selling our books.  Although Vera wasn’t a celebrity like Kobe the similarities of the response of the news of her death and his hit home for me.  They were both loved by so many people from so many different backgrounds, races, cultures, etc.  The one thing I noticed immediately after Kobe’s death was how his death and the mourning and grief spanned all ethnic backgrounds, political beliefs etc.  Everyone loved Kobe.  I see now that everyone in this small town of Harrisburg, PA loved Vera as well.  This is proof to me that we can all come together and agree on something.  We don’t have to constantly be divided by our skin color, political views, social or financial status.  In the face of tragedy or grief we can all just be human beings.  That’s what I love, those little glimpses of how things could be if we all just took a minute and thought about it.  It’s okay to look different and have different ideas and beliefs.  We can disagree on things and still agree that we’re all human and all deserve the basic rights and respect from one another.

I titled this post don’t blink because it all goes by so fast, life that is.  We’re all shocked by the sudden death of someone who we thought should still be here.  We take a brief moment and think about our own mortality but honestly most don’t think about it long enough to actually do anything about it.  There’s really nothing you can do to prevent death and we never know when it’s coming but what you can do is make sure that you make your life count for something.  Everyone won’t be famous like Kobe or even as well known in  your own little towns as Vera was in Harrisburg, PA but that doesn’t mean that you or your legacy can’t mean something.  What’s really sad is that oftentimes people die and they never really knew how we felt about them.  Why is it so easy to tell people how much they meant to you when they’re dead but you didn’t tell them when they were alive?  

I feel like my life has been changed so much in 2020, in so many ways and it’s all good.  I’m continuing to enjoy my participation in the Crown Holders Sisterhood group which was created by Ella Curry.  I’m interacting with many woman I’ve never met but we all share something in common, we’re driven to pursue our dreams.  I’m getting things done that I didn’t even know I needed to do.  I’ve gotten back to planning my time and sticking to those plans as much as possible.  I’m examining my connections and making tough decisions as to how I move forward with or without some of them.  I’m choosing to be more strategic in my relationships.  To spend more time with those who pour into my cup, not just take out of it.  I’m a giver by nature but I’m learning that my cup will always be empty if I don’t make sure it’s getting replenished on a regular basis.  If it’s not bringing me peace, it must go.

This coming month, March is bringing with it many new opportunities.  I'll be staring a new job, My non profit will officially have office space, I'm picking up the keys tomorrow.  I have several projects in the works which I expect to complete within the next month.  I’m going to be busy but productive and I'm expecting tremendous growth through it all.   

It's finally over.. January that is

Hello all:

Is it me or did January seem like the longest month ever?  I mean has it only been 2020 for 31 days?  It feels like months since we celebrated the holidays.  Anyway I’ve been  busy ya’ll.  I mean really getting things done and making plans to get even more accomplished in the next few months.  Okay quick update on hubby.  He’s still not here.  Then end. lol.  Listen I have to laugh to keep from crying.  I mean I do still cry sometimes but not as often and I am really getting on with living my life as  best I can without him by my side.  I get really mad when I have to do something that I really wish he was here to do for me.  Like shoveling the snow.  I was hot about that ya’ll for real.  I actually made a video of me mad shoveling the snow and sent it to my husband.  I’m sure he was like yeah I’m glad I’m not there right now lol.  I came in the house and angry typed a message to the attorney we are working with too.  Everybody heard from me that day.  Seriously things are slow but they haven’t stopped.  The attorney is still working to get the requested documents so that we can submit them.  She explained to me yesterday that although they’ve only requested three documents in some cases it takes several documents to obtain one.  Also some documents that were submitted previously need to be redone because they were not done properly which could be part of the problem.  So like I said he’s still there. 

I’m here still working my day job, helping my mom three nights a week with the parenting programs and taking my online classes.  That’s just the main stuff.  Things I’m obligated to do.  I’ve been busy doing other things that I want to do as well.  My new found energy and excitement can be attributed to two things:  1) I’m back in church singing in the choir YASSSSS.  I love it, never realized how much I missed it.  I hadn’t left church per se, but haven’t sung in the choir for at least three years.  2) I got invited to join a Face book group called the Crown Holders Sisterhood.  Ella, Curry who is a household name among many in the literary world created this group by invitation only and it has been and I hope will continue to be an awesome experience.  Ella has many years of experience with the book industry but it’s not just about that.  She’s sharing all types of information with us about how to market ourselves, how to prioritize and plan. She shares many positive uplifting quotes and articles.  There’s so much.  It’s exactly what I needed because I have so many things that I let go in 2019 that need to be handled this year.  

So I'll  hit the ground running February 1^st.  I’ve got my new planning system in place (going old school ya’ll desk calendar with color coded items by category).   Check it out. 

I've also moved my home office from the basement to across the hall from my bedroom upstairs.  I love my new location.  There's light and it's warmer up here too.  They say sometimes a change of scenery is good for the soul.  I believe it because this has been one of the most productive weeks I've had in a very long time.

Areas of focus in 2020 are my non profit organization, A Blessing for You, ABFU.  Assembling my board of directors and working on finding grants, sponsors and partnerships this year.  

I plan to put my life coaching certification to work this year.  I recently recorded an audio presentation about the importance of learning how to connect your dots.  I'll be sharing this with you at some point in the near future.  

Author Terri D’s will be focusing on marketing to promote the books already published this year. I have a few in progress projects but not sure I'll get those finished this year with everything else I have planned.   I’ve already started.  I had a book signing last weekend at Barnes and Noble that went very well.  Check out this picture. I'm going to put this on my website.  He's the face of my new marketing campaign.

My goal is to update this blog at least monthly if not more frequently and I'm researching other platforms for my blog also.  Stay tuned

Walking into 2020 with purpose

First I want to thank everyone who reads my blog.  Your continued support has meant the world to me.  Second I must apologize for my silence. It’s been several months since I’ve posted anything, not since September, wow.  I’ve been very transparent here on my blog, sharing my journey with you through this immigration process with my husband.  I’ve been silent for the past few months because I felt I had no voice, nothing to say.  The past few months have been very difficult for me.  I needed some time to process everything.  I’m still processing some things but I have made peace with things as they are.  I’m here and he’s still there.  I’m not where I thought I’d be but I know I’m exactly where I need to be.  That’s because of my faith and belief that all things happen for a reason and in this case some things don’t happen for a reason.  Sometimes we eventually figure out the reason and sometimes we never do.  That’s life. 

Although I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be I’m still blessed beyond measure.  2019 was a year of new life, I have a new grandson, Cameron. New adventures, I completed my certification to become a life coach and I decided to return to school to finish my degree. The Life Coach certification is something I plan to explore more in 2020 but after taking the classes I decided that I would be my first client LOL.  Based on how things have been going with me I thought it best that I use the tools on myself to help me figure some things out.  Last but certainly not least, reflection.  The reflection part is never ending.  In order to have continuous growth we need to constantly reflect and adjust as we experience things and learn.  2019 was a rough year overall.  Being apart from Raulin has been very difficult on us both after having spent so much time together in 2018 and 2017.  

The endless cycle of document request, gathering, translation, travel back and forth and waiting for response from the embassy has really taken it’s toll on us both. The cycle continues unfortunately.  We are currently in the process of responding to another request for information.  I had really hoped that I would be able to leave that craziness behind in 2019 but the universe seemed to have other plans.  The difference now is that we both have to move on and continue living even though we're apart.  I feel that in 2019 we were both stuck in a state of limbo.  We didn't make very much progress not just in regards to the visa process but in our lives in general.  Yes I did accomplish some things and made some decisions towards the end of the year but overall I was stuck in a cycle of just going through the motions each day.  Waiting for the answer.  Never wanting to make plans or commit to anything just in case we got the thumbs up from the embassy.  I can laugh about it now but there was a period of time where I told my daughter that the only plans I had on Saturdays was to drive to New Jersey to pick up Raulin from the airport.  Week after week my dream didn't come true and over time I became numb which led to my silence.  

I went to visit Raulin at the beginning of December a few weeks after we received the most recent letter from the embassy.  It had been about four months since we'd seen each other and we needed to have some hard conversations about our future.  Do we continue to submit documents and wait or do we throw in the towel?  Although we've both been in the mindset to throw in the towel several times I'm happy to report that we've never both been in that same place at the same time.  Whichever one of us is feeling weak and broken down somehow the other has the strength to pull the other back up and we continue to fight.  So we decided we're going to continue to fight. With that said I have decided to stop putting everything else on  hold waiting for the answer.  I've got to get back to living my life fully even though it's without Raulin by my side.  He is still one of my biggest supporters in everything that I do, even from over 1,400 miles away.  So, that means I'll be back to writing more, I'll be focusing on building partnerships to help grow my A Blessing for You non profit this year and I will also continue to explore how to best use my Life Coach certification.  I'll also be continuing with my online classes, working of course and continuing to fight to bring my husband here with me.  

I know at the beginning of the year everyone says new year new me.  Well I'm the same Terri but with a different attitude.  I'm ready to tackle whatever 2020 brings and I'm expecting some wonderful opportunities.  I hope you will all continue to follow my journey.  
Be Blessed
Terri D.

Relationship talk -Lost that loving feeling? So now what?

I'm taking a little break from just providing updates on my situation.  There's no update and it's still a situation.  I want to talk about relationships in this post.  Pull up a chair, grab something to drink and maybe some popcorn too.  I'd love to hear feedback on this one as I know there will be plenty of other thoughts on this topic.

Recently I’ve found myself giving a lot of advice to various people about their relationships.  I should point out that they asked my opinion.  In some cases they’re married and in others they’re just in a relationship or situationship.  The bottom line is that there are many people in various stages of relationships and they're struggling.  I am by no means an expert on this topic.  I’m honestly not sure that anyone is.  My truth is that I am on my 3^rd marriage.  Although I’ve been divorced twice I feel that I have some life experiences to share to maybe help others avoid going through what I did.  My social media pages are full of people looking for the one, others thought they found the one and now they are giving up on that and moving onto the next.  My opinion, and it’s just that my opinion that’s why I have a blog to share my thoughts and feelings, is in general is that people these days give up too easily, too soon.  If I’m being honest with you all I feel that maybe I gave up too soon on my prior marriages.  I was young and impatient in some aspects.  Who knows how things could have been if I had been more patient.  The reality is that no one is in it for the long haul anymore.  People are chasing happiness in others when happiness comes from within.  I don’t know much but I know that if you are not happy with yourself you will not be happy with anyone else no matter how fine, rich or put together they are.  The number one problem with relationships is we tend to look outside of ourselves to find our happiness.  We focus too much on things that don’t matter.  How someone looks, how much stuff they have or how good they are in bed.  Looks change, things are lost or taken away and with age and time sex also becomes less and less important (trust me it does).  

I recently saw a debate on FB.  The question was could you stay with someone who didn’t really satisfy you sexually?  The responses were all over the place and some were very funny.  I choose to just observe and not share my views on this topic as I knew my views wouldn’t be very popular.  So here’s my take on it.  First my disclaimer is that I really enjoy sex BUT it is not the most important thing to me in a relationship.  My concern has always been to make sure the other person was satisfied and my satisfaction comes from giving them pleasure.  Again my unpopular option here is that sex should be a selfless act.  If you go into solely for the purpose of your own pleasure I’m thinking although you might achieve your goal for a moment in the long run  you might feel otherwise. (I’m sure I’ve lost a lot of you but hang in there with me). Humans are one of a few species that actually have sex for pleasure.  Yes we are blessed in that way but sex is for reproduction, that’s it’s primary purpose.  The fact that it’s also pleasurable is a bonus.  As we age our bodies change and so does our desire for sex (although it seems there are many senior citizens in retirement homes and communities who are really going hog wild these days SMH.  Probably because some man somewhere invented Viagra.)  My point is at some point we get to a place where we typically crave intimacy in different ways, not just sexual.  This doesn’t necessarily have to coincide with age, I believe it comes from maturity.  I do not consider myself old by any means and there was a time in my life when I placed a lot more importance on sex that I should have.  I’m happy to say that I’ve matured to a place where sex has a health place in my life.  Intimacy beyond the sexual experience is awesome and something worth waiting for.

The most precious thing to me is to see couples who have been together for decades.  They’ve had children together, maybe even grand and great grands.  When I see them I smile and I can only imagine the storms they weathered together through the years.  That’s the key is knowing there will be storms and finding the person that you’re willing to go through those storms with.  Knowing that person is the one takes time.  There is no specific time period and in some cases you just know from the moment you meet them (so I’m told).  No matter how long you take to try to get to know someone there will always be situations that come up where they behave in a manner that you didn’t expect.  That’s human nature and you must practice patience with one another during these times.  Understanding that it will not always be 50/50.  Sometimes your partner will need more and you need to be willing to give it and NOT throw it in their face or expect that you’ll get the extra that you gave back.  When we give someone something, a gift it’s supposed to be just that a gift.  Not something you do because of what you might receive in return. 
Another big thing is communication.  Real communication where you listen to understand and not just to respond with your rebuttal. Observing your partner to really get to know them and understand them.  One of the things I love the most about my husband is how well he knows me.  He can read my mood without me saying a word.  He can look at me and assess my current state of mind.  Even when we’re apart he can tell by my responses to him even via text message how I’m feeling.  If he asks how I’m doing and I say I’m okay or I’m fine.  He may ask for me to send him a picture.  From that picture he can assess my current situation.  Beyond that he knows what I like and what I don’t.  There are those things that he loves that I don’t care for but I put up with them anyway because they bring him joy and he does the same for me.  Again it’s that selflessness that you express to the one you love.

Oftentimes we get caught up in that new relationship feeling.  You know that feeling when you first meet someone that you’re attracted to.  The thought of them makes you smile, the sound of their voice gives you butterflies or goosebumps.  All you can think about is being with them.  The physical attraction is amazing.  Unfortunately that new relationship feeling is very similar to that new car smell.  It fades away and would you really trade your car in because it doesn’t smell new anymore?  Of course not.  In fact lets stick with this new car analogy for a minute.  When your car is brand new you might take good care of it.  Keeping it washed and the inside clean.  Maybe you don’t allow people to eat or smoke in your car to preserve it’s nice new look.  When we’re in a new relationship we tend to do the same thing.  We put our best foot forward to impress our partner.  Show them all the good stuff to reel them in.  At some point when we feel comfortable that we’ve got them then we begin to relax and some of the things we’ve been hiding begin to creep to the surface.  This is where many people begin to feel disenchanted with their relationship.  When their partner begins to behave in ways that seem new to you,  you might feel as if you’ve been deceived.  Another thing we have to remember is that a healthy person has continuous growth throughout their life.  The trick is to find someone you can growth with and still live with.  Sometimes people outgrown one another or one partner grows and the other doesn’t at all.  This can cause resentment and conflict.  

I recently told my husband that he’s not exactly the person I thought he was when I first met him BUT I still loved him anyway.  At first he didn’t understand why I felt he was different but after explaining it he understood and we both agreed that there were things we didn’t see or recognize in the beginning but now we do.  It’s human nature.  Love is blind.  We both agreed to keep the lines of communication open and express to each other how we're feeling about things as the naturally change.  Our relationship is still fairly new so we'll see how things go as time passes.
That's all for now.  Remember this is my opinion and it doesn't mean I'm right or wrong, it's just my thoughts.  

x

Acceptance

Greetings everyone.  I made it to the Dominican Republic and to my hubby safely and now I’m back home.   Trust me it was a very difficult decision but I decided to be an adult and come back to my job.  Why does the time pass so quickly when you’re on vacation but at work an hour takes days?  LOL.  Here's our first picture together. Check out those smiles.

Being away from my husband for over four months was difficult for me.  I was so focused on how bad I felt that I missed that it’s also very difficult for him.  All of the loneliness I feel being here in my house alone he feels the same thing there.  It’s probably worse for him because there are things around the house there that remind him of me.  It’s different for me because he’s never been in my house.  I realized that I was putting so much pressure on him to communicate with me when we’re apart but he feels like I don’t check on him enough.  He’s right I’m always waiting for him to text or call me.  That’s an old habit from my grandmother.  She always told me that a man should call a woman.  Also that the way to know if I man is thinking about you is if he’s calling you.  I do agree with those points to a certain extent but we’re way past courtship and dating at this point.  We’re in a committed relationship and as much as I want and need to know that my husband is thinking about me and missing me, he needs the same from me. 

I can’t put into words how good it was to see him after so much time.  Yes we video chat on a regular basis but that is NO replacement for seeing him in the flesh.  Of course I’m biased but when I first laid eyes on him at the airport I was like “Wow, how could he have gotten anymore sexy.”  Okay ya’ll stop rolling your eyes LOL.  He did look good though for real.  Hubby and I just click like I keep harping on how much time has passed since we’ve been together but when we’re reunited it’s like we never missed a beat.  He knows me and what I need and like and I do the same for him.  Please do not think that we never experience conflict because we do but we have a good sense of each other and knowing when to bend and when to stand firm with each other.  This is something I didn’t have in any of my prior relationships.  I cherish this with my husband because it’s so important to know how and when to pick your battles.  There will always be conflict but how you resolve it is the key. 

Speaking of conflict ladies in case you wondered how long it takes for your husband to completely forget all of the things you taught (I started to use the word trained but that seemed harsh and I didn’t want to offend anyone) him it’s somewhere between  zero days because he never really learned in the first place and 4 months.  The house wasn’t a total disaster,  he had made an effort to tidy things up but nothing and I mean absolutely nothing was anywhere close to where I left it.  Now here’s where I realize that I have grown a little bit.  The old me would have snapped and set out to put everything back the way she wanted it.  The new and improved me noticed it all BUT decided that 1) if he’s comfortable with it then it’s fine and 2) I’m only here for a week so there’s no sense in wasting my time when it’s going to end up back the same way.  It’s my vacation and time with my hubby.  I decided not to spend it worrying about things that really don’t matter.   I planned this visit so I could spend my birthday with hubby and he did not disappoint.  We spent the day together at my favorite resort poolside and then he organized a little barbecue for me that night.  It was really nice.  

I titled this post acceptance because I feel that’s what we both came away with from this visit.  We have both been struggling with how to deal with our current situation.  Having to live apart while we continue to fight for his visa.  During my visit we both met with the attorney who we hired to help us obtain the necessary documents for the embassy.  Going into that  meeting we both had different expectations but afterward I felt that we were finally on the same page and although we weren’t happy about what we heard we reached a point of acceptance.  We spent hours later that night talking about our relationship and how to make this time apart work for us in the long run.  Decisions and plans were made and I feel that we both feel more at peace now.  Personally I needed this trip to help me realize many things.  I’ve been what I’ll call in the valley for several months now.  During this trip I realized that this valley has had it’s purpose.  God’s timing is always perfect and I need this time right now to prepare for my next chapter.  I’ve been so consumed with this process and somewhere along the way I lost sight of me as an individual and my goals.  Having this time apart will allow me to focus a little more on those for a while.  Over the past few months I’ve let things go in my life that we’re very good for me.  One of them is drinking soda.  I was addicted to soda and one day I just stopped and I haven’t gone back.  So next up is removing myself from this valley.  I’ve been in this valley for way too long feeling sorry for myself, feeling envious of others and a whole host of other negative emotions.  The  bottom line is this, 1) I’ve lived a great life 2) What’s for me is mine, I can’t live anyone else’s life I have to live mine.  I truly believe that everything happens for a reason so maybe this valley has been about accepting my reality and focusing on the journey up and out of this valley. So that’s the plan.  My husband has also been in his own valley and he has to find his way out of his as well.  As individuals we have things to work on and as a couple we agree to continue to provide endless support to one another.

Leaving is always tough and my husband doesn’t handle it well at all.  Typically the day before I leave he becomes somewhat distant.  He will literally find any excuse to be away from me.  At first I was always so hurt and offended by his behavior but now I know that it’s just how he copes with difficult things.  When I feel him pulling away I just let him go, I don't fight it.  He cannot stand to see me cry so I’ve learned how to hold back the tears until after we part ways at the airport.  I had gotten pretty good at the  no crying thing but leaving this time was really tough.  We both know it's possible it could be several months before we see each other again.  The one thing I can always count on is him sending me a text message when he gets back to the house telling me how much he misses me or how sad he was going back to the house without me.  He always tells me that he can still smell me in the house and I smile because before I leave I always spray my favorite scent all around the house and especially on his pillow 

A few people have asked me how long will I be able to keep this up.  Honestly I have no idea since I hadn't planned any of this but I do know that anything worth having takes work.  My marriage is worth the work.  We didn't agree to for better or even better.  We agreed to for better or for worse.  

That's all for now.  Keep us in your positive thoughts and prayers because we all know how powerful prayer can  be.  Until next time my friends be blessed.